Frank DiPascali—Bernie Madoff’s right-hand man, who federal investigators flipped as part of a plea bargain in 2009—died on Thursday of lung cancer, the New York Daily News reports. DiPascali was 58

On Friday, after 18 days of jury deliberation, Justice Maxwell Wiley, the judge in the Etan Patz case, declared a mistrial. In the end, the jury was divided 11 to one. “I wanted to force people to think,” Adam Sirois, the lone holdout, told the New York Post. “Myself included.”

Yesterday, a high school principal in Georgia wrote to parents to say she was sorry for a bigoted freakout captured in a widely-shared viral video and also to let them know who the real racist is: Satan.

On Monday afternoon, Etowah County Circuit Judge Billy Ogletree will sentence Joyce Hardin Garrard, 50, to either the death penalty or life in prison, the Associated Press reports. Garrard was convicted in March of killing her granddaughter after she told a lie about candy.

A Maryland woman was arrested on Wednesday after allegedly serving milk to family members contaminated with dead skin shavings from her feet, Southern Maryland News Net reports.

At the bottom of a crowded subway stairwell one recent night, I got lodged behind a mother and her toddler-age son. She was bending down to level with him, his tiny primary-colored backpack slung over her left shoulder and a vinyl grocery tote in her right fist. The two were going over that night’s dinner plans.

Rescuers in a northern Nepalese village buried by a landslide after last month’s earthquake were forced to abandon their search this weekend by avalanches on Friday and Saturday, the Associated Press reports.

“The hipster’s laissez-faire dissent is not quite as subversive as the Weathermen’s bombing of the Pentagon. But it’s what passes for revolution in our yuppified time.” Or, you know, burning cop cars in the street, but sure, why not.

Nine deputies in Chatham County, Georgia have been fired following an investigation into a mentally ill suspect’s death in an isolation cell this January, NBC News reports.

Three people were arrested after two police officers were shot during a traffic stop Hattiesburg, Mississippi on Saturday night, the Associated Press reports. Both officers died of their wounds at Forrest General Hospital.

What could be more fun than sitting with a U.S. Representative at a Taylor Swift show? “Anything,” you say? Well what if I told you it would only cost a few grand?

On Friday, attorneys for the six officers charged in the death of Freddie Gray filed a motion Friday to dismiss the case, the Baltimore Sun reports. They also asked State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby to recuse herself, citing “overzealous prosecution” and conflicts of interest.

According to the LA Times, a Georgia judge has named Bobbi Kristina Brown’s father and aunt as her legal guardians, giving them the authority to make medical decisions on Brown’s behalf.

“Mr. Braman—a former owner of the Philadelphia Eagles; the chairman of Art Basel... and a collector who owns works by Andy Warhol... and Picasso—emphasized that there were limits to the friendship. ‘I also have a yacht,’ Mr. Braman said, ‘that Senator Rubio has never seen.’” God help us.

Forty inmates escaped from the Khalis prison in Iraq’s Diyala province during a riot that killed at least six police officers and 30 prisoners on Saturday, the Associated Press reports. Some sources put the number of casualties and fugitives much higher, saying as many as 200 inmates escaped.

Today, Russia celebrated the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s defeat with the nation’s biggest Victory Day parade since the collapse of the Soviet Union. Much more importantly, however, a Russian circus observed the holiday by dressing up two Baikal seals as Soviet-era soldiers, giving us this wonderful, wonderful video.

Last week, while visiting a liberal arts college in Oakland, I sat on a small couch and listened to the only white male on a panel boast at least three times that he’s “never been qualified for any of the jobs” he’s had. He laughed and chuckled at his dumb luck. The white woman beside him bragged, “I haven’t interviewed for a job in twenty years.” After the third comment, I exchanged glances with friends, reflecting our shared concern over the repeated statements. The white man slouched in his chair as he spoke to a room of women writers—some of color, of varied shades, and some who shared his complexion. This white man, the owner of a publishing house, wore his ignorance in his smile, while we burned in our seats.

On Saturday, Steven Seagal attended a parade in Moscow to mark the 70th anniversary of Victory in the 1941-1945 Great Patriotic War. Steven Seagal loves Russia.

A Utah teenager was found guilty on Saturday for her involvement in a January 2014 crime spree that spanned three counties and ended in a shootout with police, the Associated Press reports. One sheriff’s deputy was killed—as was her older boyfriend—and another wounded.

Who’s a smart doggie? Is it you? Is it you? No, it’s not, if your name is Benno, at least. The 4-year-old Belgian Malinois recently goofed his way onto an operating table by scarfing down almost two dozen live bullets, The New York Daily News reports.