Ke$ha has ridden her pop-tart, bottle-of-jack-teeth-brushing brand of Autotune rapping to the top of the chart while her big brother Lagan Sebert toils away in near-obscurity as a member of the Huffington Post Investigative Fund. (Also: KINDA CUTE!)

Thanks to the informant, she recently broke up a date between hubby and a young PA. Another actor shouldn't be trusted and stole jewelry from his ex to regift and a paparazzi is in love with a star. Oh, boys.

Andy Rooney: "I think I'll know when I can't do this anymore. I think I'd quit before anyone tells me to." Later: "Sunday's essay is about the weather." [USAT]

Something about this little boy singing the lines "I shot a man in Reno / Just to watch him die" absolutely tickles us. No word on whether Joaquin Phoenix owes her something on the back end.

[Pop mu$ic arti$t Ke$ha ($till not $ure what the deal i$ with her) goe$ $hopping in $oho; image via INF]

Former NY1 political anchor Dominic Carter is scheduled to be sentenced today for his conviction for assaulting his wife last November. Oh and also, he's been formally canned by NY1. Take heart, Dominic; TV is a rogue's haven. [NYP]

Legion's demon-lady who tries to eat the girl from Friday Night Lights has been the thrust of most of that angels-with-guns flick's previews. Because crazy old ladies put butts in seats, guaranteed! Why, they're one of five cheap trailer ploys.

In all fairness, it is difficult to pull off a wedding without knocking something over or accidentally telling someone to kill someone. Weddings, am I right?

• Britney Spears' former penthouse at 14 East 4th Street has been price-chopped once again. So if you've ever fantasized about living in an apartment once occupied by the faded pop star, this may be your big chance. The three-bedroom pad, which Spears unloaded in 2006, is now up for sale for $4.999 million, down from the $6.595 million its owners were seeking when they put the place on the market in 2008. [Curbed, PDE]
• Paul Greenwood, the former money manager and Islanders co-owner who was accused of securities fraud last year, is looking to sell his North Salem estate. The 16-acre spread, which Greenwood has broken up into three properties for the purposes of the sale, can be purchased for a combined $10 million, or $8 million for the 9,000-square-foot mansion by itself. [NYP, PDE]

Sexxxy R&B singer Teddy Pendergrass, who started out singing for the Blue Notes and went on to a successful solo career creating your go-to good lovin' music, died of cancer yesterday at age 59. We know you by now, Teddy.

Dominic Carter goes to court today to be sentenced for beating up his wife back in 2008. (He faces up to three months in prison.) But that's not the only thing he has to worry about. NY1 says that Carter's no longer employed by the station, so he's officially unemployed, too. [NYP]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Next time you're being savagely beaten by a cop in riot gear, remember this video of the cheeky devils having a little snowy fun in England. Scamps. [BBC]

• Remember the dust-up a couple of weeks ago when it was reported that Beyoncé had performed for the son of Libyan dictator Moammar Khadafi in St. Bart's on New Year's Eve? Photos of the concert have now surfaced, although the worst thing about them may be how Beyoncé looks like she's the headliner at a tacky club in New Jersey. [DM]
• Is Bethenny Frankel trying to pull a Star Jones? It seems Frankel has been approaching vendors and asking them to "sponsor" her wedding: She'd get their services gratis and, in exchange, they'd get a mention on her upcoming reality show, Bethenny's Getting Married. The only problem with Bethenny's grand scheme? She hasn't had much luck finding companies interested in taking part. [NYDN]
• Here's a great idea: David Letterman has reportedly invited Conan O'Brien to appear as a guest on his show. Cross your fingers! [PopEater]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have not broken up, in case you were concerned. According to friends, he'd committed to working on a film in Wyoming, which is is why he didn't climb Mt. Kilimanjaro alongside Biel. It's not because he didn't want to, say, spend a week living with the love of his life in a tent. He would have totally done it if he could have. Really. [P6]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated $1 million yesterday to Doctors Without Borders to fund emergency medical operations in Haiti. As for whether Tiger Woods really paid to send a plane full of medical supplies to the devastated nation, that's a (pretty unlikely) story that Russell Simmons has been circulating, though Tiger's reps have yet to confirm it. But it wouldn't be the worst way to begin rebuilding his image, come to think of it. [Us, TMZ]

Accenture dumped Tiger quicker than his wife (allegedly) did when they found out he'd had sex with everyone he ever met (allegedly). Now they've revealed a new ad campaign; one that is unlikely to backfire in the same way.

It hasn't been the easiest year for Vikram Pandit, but the Citigroup CEO has at least one reason to smile today: It's his 53rd birthday. Cranky 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney turns 91 today. Fox News anchor Shepard Smith is 46. Maureen Dowd of the New York Times is turning 58. Director Steven Soderbergh turns 47. Jason Bateman is 41. Dave Grohl is turning 41. LL Cool J is 42. Model Angela Lindvall is celebrating her 31st birthday. And Faye Dunaway turns 69 today.

Now journalists have their feet on the ground in Haiti we get heartbreaking coverage. It's the photographers who really shine on today's front pages, with some incredible images of dust, destruction and death.

A few weeks ago there was an op-ed in the New York Times saying that the key to unravelling any skulduggery that went on during the bailout of AIG is their emails and records. Now they'll get opened!

Paris' aunts join the family fameball, Conan invites Dave Letterman on his show, Heidi Montag's boobs almost get her kidnapped, Brian Williams envies Matt Lauer's abs. Thursday's gossip is one Hilton short of shooting the moon.

The perhaps-secessionist Texas governor refuses to compete for $700m in stimulus money for education. Because he thinks it "smacks of a federal takeover of our public schools." Good one Rick. You've really got one over on the man. [AP]