As you can see in this photo (thanks, reader), 7th Avenue in Midtown has been shut down by police, due to a "suspicious package." Internal email warnings, continuous updates, and photos of the purported terror bag, below. Plus: David Paterson!

In last night on Modern Family, Phil's wife discovers some naughty pics on the family computer and decides she needs to have "the talk" with their son. Unbeknownst to her, the photo was actually Phil's. Lessons in deleting cookies, anybody?

Equinox has been taking lots of heat since the gym chain erected two enormous billboards outside its West Village location over the holidays: The move outraged local community groups and led the city's Department of Buildings and Landmark Preservation Commission to threaten the company with steep fines if it didn't pull them down. Equinox has until tomorrow to remove the ads, and the failed campaign will end up costing the company a good deal of money in the process. But the gym chain just walked away with a victory in a Manhattan courtroom, so maybe the week will go down as a wash.

Hee haw: Leading grammarian Sean Hannity made fun of Martha Coakley's campaign for misspelling "Massachusetts" in an ad, just after Hannity's show misspelled John McCormack's name. Hannity should have been lecturing McCormack on how to properly nut-punch someone.

Today on Good Morning America, Mr. Met demonstrated some questionable moves behind a clueless JuJu Chang. We've played it over and over and still can't tell if he's guilty of being an on-air perv or just has some major balls.

We were so caught up in the late night ember-spewing hysteria last night that one thing went completely overlooked: Kiefer Sutherland went on Letterman in an adorable little green number. And he looked fabulous.

A few years back, Ellen sent Dennis Quaid into a Starbucks with a hidden camera. She forced him to say egomanical statements and talk about himself in the third person. Quaid gamely plays along.

Are you someone that says, "I'm pretty bad, but I think I could be awful"? If you answered yes and then immediately uttered an insult under your breath, this video is for you.

Nik Deogun, formerly the deputy managing editor of the Wall Street Journal under Robert Thomson, is leaving for CNBC. Click through for Deogun's farewell email to friends, AND the moving lyrics to his send-off songs, from the "WSJ band!"

While the audition rounds used to be can't miss TV to gawk at astonishingly bad performances, it's grown tired this season. For the most part, they're staged, but this one was so good that it doesn't even matter.

The National Board of Review gave the Special Filmmaking Award to Wes Anderson this weekend. The winners were actually announced back in December, allowing for enough time to whip up this cute acceptance speech. Neat!

There's plenty of stuff going on in the news to keep you awake at night, matters both foreign (Haiti, obviously) and domestic (Harold Ford running for Senate). So it's always nice when you can cross something off your "worst fears" list. The Post reports today that immigrant-hating former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs has decided not to run for political office, after all. He's decided to stick to TV instead, a source tells the paper, which means you can start counting the minutes until you see oversized frame parked next to Sarah Palin on a couch at Fox News. [NYP, previously]

To help Haiti, send money. Not supplies or medicine or anything else.

Yesterday, JPMorgan's Jamie Dimon and Goldman Sachs' Lloyd Blankfein talked to Congress about why they're sitting on billions of profits and you're broke. CityFile cataloged the many emotions on display.

James Gandolfini walking his dog in Tribeca yesterday ... Bradley Cooper running errands in SoHo ... Ringo Starr walking uptown ... Dr. Mehmet Oz leaving Rockefeller Plaza ... George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis dressed up and headed out for the evening ... Kiefer Sutherland posing for pictures outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school ... Ke$ha shopping at Sol de Ibiza on Greene Street in SoHo .. Steven Van Zandt walking in Midtown yesterday ... and Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment building.

Today in dubious "quotes": the New York Daily News quotes a "friend" of Alex Paterson, the New York governor's son who was recently detained by the police for playing a dice game and possessing a missing debit card:

Watch this spotted baby Tapir run around after its mom. Obscenely cute.

Nestle found E. coli in Toll House cookie dough this week, but they caught it before it left the factory. Plus they are really into "no E. Coli" since last year's huge E. coli cookie dough recall. So, eat up!

The Magazine Publishers of America put together this brilliant compilation of the biggest stories of the past 10 years through 92 seminal magazine covers. Savor it, because the term "seminal magazine cover" is quickly going by the wayside.

Tonight FX launches Archer, the latest animated concoction meant to amuse men people far too old to be watching cartoons. All these shows seem the same, but there are really subtle shades of difference that reveal much about their audience.