Crooked former NYPD commissioner Bernie Kerik has been sentenced to four years in prison, after pleading guilty to eight felonies, for being a corrupt liar. This dude was almost our Homeland Security chief. Giuliani in 2012! [AP]

On The View, Whoopi led the ladies in a rant against the dangers of American Idol judges allowing themselves to be steered by sympathy for contestants' pitiable backgrounds instead of actual talent.

A small plane has crashed into an office building in Austin, Texas, that houses local FBI, CIA, and IRS offices. The scene is 20 miles from the nearest airport, and witnesses say the plane "hit the building full-throttle."

Well shiver me timbers! After a month and a half of people squealing in rage, sadness, and delight, of Simon being a jerk and Randy hooting and braying and Kara saying nonsense nothings, we are done with Idol auditions.

Repping your hometown is part of the very bedrock foundations of rap. What better way to show your hometown pride than a Lazy Scranton—style salute broadcast to the rest of the world?

Each Superjail! episode devolves quickly from relative normalcy (it does take place inside a meta-volcano inside another volcano) to total psychedelic lunacy, usually all triggered by the fantasy prison's warden and his sadistic taste for cartoon violence.

Bob Costas couldn't keep up with Stephen Colbert last night. On his game as always, Colbert decided to literally crawl inside of NBC's fireplace to warm his chilled bones. Except for the fact that the fireplace, of course, was fake.

How would you react if you opened the door to a porta potty and found a girl taking a shower?

Refrigerated Sushi Sold at Drug Store in 'Not as Good as Nobu' Shocker.

On this morning's The Doctors, a roundtable of real cutups—Sinbad!—and doctors reached into the big ol' bag of cliches and talked about how men are all like this and woman are all like that.

Harold Ford needs a better agent. He's got a plum gig speaking in Bermuda to a bunch of tax-dodgers next month, but in April he goes to Vegas to talk about chickens. As long as the check clears, right?

A Los Angeles-based "production company" is casting for an "obese/overweight toddler" for an afternoon shoot. We hope this is a joke, but we fear it is not.

California researchers spent $8.7 million on this: "Four [studies] showed that cannabis can significantly relieve neuropathic pain and one found that vaporizers are an effective way to use marijuana." We'll conservatively estimate $8.6 million as weed expenses. [LAT]

It's haiku time again: News happens all the time, just waiting to be boiled down to 17 moras. Jim Behrle has started you off and later on he'll pick a winner. Let the finger-counting begin!

Maybe you want to impress people with your belly dancing skills. Maybe you want to gross people out with your jiggly gut. Either way, this is how you do it.

Remember when Sarah Palin went on Oprah and scoffed at Levi Johnston for getting paid for "pornography?" Well now she wants a piece of the action. The Palins have subpoenaed Playgirl for Levi's check stub.

We're sure a real butterball, whatever that is, would have an easier time descending a flight of stairs than this adorable ball of fail.

Crystal Mangum, the North Carolina woman who falsely accused those Duke lacrosse players of rape, has been charged with arson and attempted murder for setting her boyfriend's clothes on fire in a bathtub(!) and threatening to stab him. Goodness.

In our continued series of Olympic investigations, pure in-depth sports analysis, we wonder today: How does the thing happening in the above picture not kill you? You're traveling 70mph and landing on ice. Plus: pointy things!

A short history: Starbucks owned upscale consumers. Then the recession hit. Upscale consumers disappeared. Starbucks weakened. McDonald's moved in to steal former Starbucks customers. Starbucks responded by going downscale. That seemed to work. Now: Starbucks plunges even further into hobodom.