Are we sex addicts, or just terrible people? Are our obese children going to live into adulthood, or are we just terrible people? Are those eyelashes real, or are you a terrible person? Science has answers. Bad answers.

There should probably be a Surgeon General's Warning advising soccer moms without any flow or skills against rapping while pregnant, at the risk of incurable lameness in them and a lifetime of shame for their unborn children.

Living in New York City is hard! There are too many people, too much noise, and far, far too many existential crises lurking in front of every Pinkberry. What do you need to make it through the day? A doobie!

HBO's new offering is even more hilarious than it was when it was a mere audio program. If you still have not met Ricky's object of constant ridicule, the indescribable Karl Pilkington, you need to stop doing yourself a disservice.

In last night's penultimate episode of the season, we saw all the problems of the season converge in a screwball comedy of manners that sank this season even deeper into the mire.

Get excited for March Madness with the ten best quotes from iconic coach Bobby Knight. Known as The General and for his record-breaking 902 NCAA Division I wins, Bobby Knight is just as notorious for his mouth.

Companies are supposed to mail out tax forms to freelancers by the end of January. But we hear that Conde Nast had some trouble with that.

Gawker.TV is sad to see the Olympics come and go yet again. However, after watching this video we have been inspired to try out for the 2012 London Games. 5,000M Gin Chug, here we come!

In today's Daily Beast, a former Hillary Clinton supporter who jumped ship when the Democrats nominated Barack Obama says she was right, and the Obama presidency is a failure. We speak, of course, of Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild.

Just when you think the dog's got the hang of drinking from the bowl, you put a sprinkler in the lawn and he gets all mixed up. Does he drink it, bite it, or should he just walk away defeated?

"Sex addicts...pert and pretty...Women who ogle...grab at men in a sexual fashion...dirty bastards...sex objects...I feared gang rape...millimeters from his crotch...the nastier, the grabbier, the raunchier the better...satisfying the primal urge to find places to plant their vehicles." Normal Monday. [NYP]

O Meo my! It's true! Because their movie Shutter Island just did so well again this week, the longtime pair has agreed to make it official. To celebrate their nuptials, they'll next be making a romantic comedy with Katherine Heigl.

She couldn't whore herself for fame, so now she's just a whore. This celeb is a slut with some funky spunk. A sober actress, a gay athlete, and a cheating golfer put out as well. They should get paid!

Kids don't just say the darnedest things, they say them with hilarious enunciation! This little boy makes his father laugh by saying the word "blood."

Monotone-voiced Hall of Fame rapper Guru of Gang Starr reportedly had a heart attack last weekend, and is in the hospital in a coma. He's scheduled for surgery today. He's 43 years old.

This little girl's heart can't handle the blinding beauty of Justin Bieber. She cries when she listens to his songs, but she also cries when she's not listening to his songs—because she wants to listen to his songs.

It's one of the most timeless pranks in the arsenal: tape sink hose button down, aim, hide camera, and wait for the ensuing hilarity.

Fancy magazines are dying, and no amount of fancy magazine ads will save them! Journalism scientists can now confidently predict what will replace them: Magazine websites, which—scientifically speaking—suck.

[Lindsay Lohan participates in an ancient Milanese tradition by throwing Red Bull at paparazzi while leaving a Fashion Week show; image via INF]

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.