Lacie LaRose, a 19-year-old student at Blinn College, was shot and killed at a graduation party last month after a fight that began as an argument over the rules of beer pong, according to one witness. Ronald McNeil, the 39-year-old alleged killer, told police that the fight was racially charged.

If you’re a disgruntled waiter looking to punish an obnoxious customer, you should should think twice before hocking a revenge loogie into their drinks, because now cops will bust you for that shit using science.

Yesterday, WNYC reported that four former employees of New York City CVS stores filed a federal lawsuit against the pharmacy chain, alleging that they were directed to focus their attention on black and hispanic visitors when rooting out shoplifters. This comes as no surprise to anyone who as ever worked in retail, or any person of color who has ever stepped inside a store.

He’s in! He’s got a website where he flaunts his geeker glasses and salutes a lot. Presumably he’s been working on his mnemonics, but hopefully not. Oh, happy day. Happy happy day. 2016, brothers. We will ride through the gates of Valhalla shiny and chrome. Witness me!

Yesterday, more than 100 Gawker Media editorial employees voted on the question of whether to be represented by the Writers Guild of America, East for the purpose of collective bargaining—that is, whether we want to form a union. The results are in.

On Wednesday, 19 Kids and Counting parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar confirmed many of the allegations concerning their son, Josh, who molested four of their children and a babysitter by the age of fifteen. But man does that family make a lot of excuses. They make so many excuses.

Aggressively fertile humans Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar said a lot of crazy things on Fox News about their son’s multiple molestations tonight. But no one seems to be talking about the craziest part: Michelle’s face—and mouth. And her dead, lifeless eyes. Jesus Christ. Literally.

Police in Mississippi say they issued arrest warrants to at least four people who the audacity to cheer for their kids at a high school graduation ceremony this month.

19 Kids and Counting stars Jill and Jessa Duggar, ages 24 and 22, would have been 11 and 10 when their older brother Josh molested them in 2002. They confirmed they were among the victims when they joined their parents, Jim Bob and Michelle, Wednesday for an interview with Fox’s Megyn Kelly.

In order to prevent their star employees from literally working themselves to death, the investment banking industry has begun to mandate several entire days off per month. That is one good reason to never work for an investment bank. In an email sent to his interns, Barclays banker Justin Kwan provides another ten.

Whoever said that youth is wasted on the young clearly did not anticipate a future in which a junior varsity boys’ baseball team from Grand Forks, N.D., would celebrate the end of their season and the impending arrival of summer by allegedly sexually violating a McDonald’s McChicken® on their bus. That same person probably also never contemplated that chicken-like sandwich product would one day be a category of item found on this, our Earth.

Imagine it’s Saturday morning, and you’re about to enjoy a book and a cup of coffee on your back porch, and you’re greeted by four two-foot tall winged eaters of dead meat. They’re staring you down through the glass sliding door, as if to say Do you feel lucky, punk? Oh god, not the vultures again. Welcome to Rick Mize’s world.

A mere nine months after Walmart employees began vociferously complaining about the company’s new dress code, the company is relaxing its dress code. “My job is to make your life easier,” a Walmart executive who was lying told workers.

Rick Santorum—a rust-belted Pittsburgher who has embraced the Petrine church ever since he stopped being pro-choice in his first congressional election—is smeared in penitence and frothy with faith, and he will show this pontiff who’s supreme.

Ah, fuck! The Pentagon just said its anthrax mistake is worse than previously believed: live samples of the deadly bacteria might have reached 51 different labs in 17 different states, D.C., and three foreign countries. Also, this has been going on for the past decade.

The federal judge who will arraign Republican ex-House speaker Dennis Hastert Thursday has deep Illinois GOP connections and contributed twice to Hastert’s campaigns while working as a lawyer in the same firm where Hastert’s son works. You know what, Chicago political machine? You’ve changed, man.

The American tourist mauled to death by a lion Monday in South Africa has been identified as Katherine Chappell, a 29-year-old who worked as a visual effects editor on Game of Thrones.

Check out this guy.

The mechanics of dressing a dead newborn are basic. The little girl’s face is white, lacking the flushed cheeks normally present in a newborn. She has a full head of hair and a button-type nose that makes you want to give her Eskimo kisses. Someone, probably a nurse, has put her in a onesie with yellow tulips embroidered along its Peter Pan collar. Livor mortis, but not rigor mortis had set in; the baby’s fingers are pliant and cold when I hook my finger into hers.

Bill Gothard, the 80-year-old perpetual bachelor, alleged sexual abuser of at least 34 women, and founder of the Duggars’ warped fundamentalist homeschool cult, has some thoughts to share in the form of a fancy new website with a “new statement.” Or at least, he did for the few hours it was live. Now, the new site and statement have both mysteriously disappeared.