We promise that this video will be the catchiest thing you hear all day: Beyonce's "Single Ladies" with an upbeat Motown background set on top it. It's the perfect match to the weather outside today!

Rahm Emanuel, the President's Chief of Staff, is either the only reasonable man in the White House or he is a compromise monster who is killing Hope. The New York Times Magazine says "both, kinda."

We know that everyone has opinions about last night's Academy Awards ceremony. It's just too bad that none of you have The View serving as your bully pulpit from which to preach your disappointment. Luckily for us, Joy Behar does.

A good thing happened to Comcast this weekend: they weren't the bad guys for once. Instead, greed-mongering Cablevision and Walt Disney were the ones who almost made millions of people miss the chance to host or attend drunken Oscar parties.

Being handsome is not easy. You've constantly got people fawning over you, it's hard to find shirts that can properly contain your rippling muscles, and there's the constant threat of Matthew McConaughey usurping your authority.

Two public figures are revealing their gayness today and we are not terribly surprised. We've got Sean Hayes who played the faaahaaabulous Jack on Will & Grace, and trick-driving California state senator Roy Ashburn. Um, duh, fellas. Duh.

In your magical Monday media column: Masshole-on-Wellesley media violence, the internet finally beats print forever, going deep into Glenn Beck, and people find jobs, miraculously.

There is something almost cathartic about this slow speed scooter fail, it's amazing how they all keep a straight face.

Steve Ballmer has seen the future, and it's Twitter. Microsoft's CEO seemed far more excited by the microblogging startup than any of the offerings from his company during a three-and-a-half minute discussion with the BBC about coming technology.

Children of the 90's should be familiar with Zoobooks and their memorable commercial—which just got a brand new voice-over. What, you didn't have these next to your 'My Big Backyard,' 'Highlights,' and Encyclopedia Brittanica?


[via YouTube]

We can all stop speculating now about Zach's "disappearing beard" during Saturday's episode! As SNL Backstage has just revealed, he decided to shave his beard off during Vampire Weekend's last song. Video of the-world's-fastest-beard-shave-ever inside.

Next week is the special election to fill the former State Senate seat of Hiram Monserrate, who was expelled after slashing his girlfriend's face. Hiram's running. His platform: he's just like Barack Obama, and his opponent is "The Gay Caballero."

Joel McHale announced the best moments in TV and obviously our friends from The Hills were nominated multiple times. During the announcement of "Best Awkward Silence (Hills Related)," Stephanie Pratt showed up to convince us she's in on the joke.

Fat American wombs are overstuffed with fat baby eating machines that will soon die! Judo and soda taxes are our only hope. It's your daily fitness watch, where we watch your fitness—while jogging!

This guy is amazing: an entire posse is after him and he's dodging them and landing punches. What's the newscaster saying in the video? He must be telling us how awesome the guy is. It's the Eye of the Tiger...

Twice, actually. Admittedly for about seven minutes in total. But it still counts as the first intrusion in 15 years. Here's how I assumed various guises, bypassed half a dozen checkpoints, and ended up making chitchat with Rupert Murdoch.

Since 2005, semi-automatic news aggregator TechMeme has become a front page for Silicon Valley and its leaderboard rankings a status obsession for writers. Now comes Mediagazer, the similarly cyborg compilation of media news. Egos are already trembling.

This week HBO's jean-making drama didn't mention denim, but there was all this bullshit about boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and birthday parties and Avenue. The moral? If you want any attention from the NYC ladeez, you better have a flat stomach.

Liquor spitted. Zipper lifted. Hipster Grifter stripper grifted.

In HBO's latest installment of the animated podcast, Karl once again showcases his brilliant mind. He gives Steve and Ricky his thoughts on making space travel worthwhile, and explains that the loneliest man in the world was an astronaut.