Bosses like Gannon, Bowser, and Dr. Wily are always defeated by one stupid guy. This is obviously a failure in their defense system. All their minions have to do is keep him from going right. Is that so hard!?

Miles Fisher, the actor who mocked Tom Cruise's crazy Scientology rant, is a singer too! Who knew! And he's pretty good. Fisher's tribute to the 80's classic "This Must Be The Place" is a must for Patrick Bateman fans everywhere.

Here is a satisfying ramble about celebrities Foster Kamer has met.

But mostly sex. This isn't The Runaways trailer that hints at Fanning's metamorphosis from innocent pupa to sexed-up butterfly, this is the music video for "Cherry Bomb", which shoves Fanning's drug-addled, hypersexual portrayal of Cherie Currie down your throat.

Stupid lawsuits are filed every day, and Lindsay Lohan does stupid things every day. But is she really behind the E*Trade lawsuit that bears her name?

Hero Iraqi shoe-hurler Muntader al-Zaidi probably had to get his balls electrocuted in prison so hard, and for what? To have his heroic act co-opted for a Colombian fabric softener commercial. A revolutionary's cruel, inevitable fate! [Copyranter at AnimalNY]

In 1988, responding to bad press regarding substance abuse, Corey Haim made a nine-minute video to reassure the world that he was living clean. Unfortunately, the video shows that he's suffering under the influence of drugs and self-delusion. Highlights inside.

Kelly Ripa had Ludacris as her co-host today, and he performed his new single "How Low." After his performance Ripa decided that she was not intimated by the curvaceous dancers—she too can get low! Ludacris looked slightly impressed...

The lady/gay reality network has added a fifth evening of original programming to its brightly-hued lineup, we're guessing Sunday night. New shows will include Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and some actual scripted fare, including a comedy about male escorts.

When you just can't get to a bathroom, a potted plant will do.

In your wicked Wednesday media column: Dan Rather apologizes for not understanding the Twitter, looming BusinessWeek layoffs, the Ellies go to the usual suspects, and Jason Mulgrew's book is here.

Before Bob Barker was raising awareness about spaying and neutering your pets, he was the Ron Burgundy of '70s game show hosts.

The title of this piece is a cocktail of arrogance, elitism and a bit of dick for flavor. But that doesn't make the statement any less true.

Ah, the preparations for a wedding. For these families, the preparations include shirtless men spitting, throwing punches, and hitting each other with mannequins in wedding gowns. Surely every girl hopes that her own special day will be this memorable!

In a triumph for lazy hacks everywhere, Dave Zinczenko's Men's Health was nominated for National Magazine Awards for three of its 2009 issues—the covers of which are visually indistinguishable from the same shit Zincenko was hawking last year.

Peter Doocy (Steve's kid) went rogue! Instead of interviewing the conservative parents Gretchen was expecting to see, Lil Doo got in way over his head with a liberal college student. Gretchen and Brian looked pissed.

We know this news came out yesterday, but we couldn't resist sharing the Joan, Roger, Don, and Betty Barbie dolls that Mattel is hawking for $75 a pop. Alcohol problems, sexual peccadilloes, and suburban ennui not included.

New Jersey Guidos now in full control of New York politics.

Kristen Cordle is stoked: The young executive assistant has abandoned the scary pirate captain of dying Yahoo to work for the CEO of red-hot Twitter Inc. She's already dissing her lame old company, and the competition.

If a teen ever wants to go on 16 and Pregnant, there are three things MTV demands: Be 16, be pregnant, and have an emotionally abusive boyfriend. The only difference is the boy's hobby. Last night: hunting!