Kyle Kinane may look like a homeless person but he sure knows how to tell a joke. Here he describes the time he stole a baby from it's mother.

Last evenings Simpsons opened with Homer using a new GPS device to drive the kids to school. The result? Exactly what you'd expect when you let computers take over common sense.

Solly Forrell, the conservative blogger who called for Obama's assassination on twitter today, is being investigated by the Secret Service. Also, consider the phrase "death tweet" officially coined. What an exciting day for America in so many ways! [DailyFinance]

[An Austin bar says good-bye and good riddance to South by Southwest, the indie tech/rock/movie festival that ended today. Pic: ekai's Flickr via cmd]

In response to our post about NYT inadvertently exposing their Weddings/Celebrations page's discomfort with acknowledging housewives and the unemployed, a bride and a recent mother-of-the-bride write in with their stories about being factchecked by the Times.

Tiger Woods gave his first interview since his multiple affairs to ESPN's Tom Rinaldi. Rinaldi was allowed to ask whatever he wanted — but the interview was restricted to five minutes. Here's the video.

Ever wanted to see a talking robot vending machine? Here is a gallery.

Yesterday we asked what Jesse James' friends' neo-Nazi sympathies said about him. Now TMZ says they're negotiating the sale of two-year-old picture of a costumed James "making the Nazi salute." [via squeakel]

Ever since Barack Obama took office, there has been a strong and vocal opposition to his presidency. The most popular movement among those loud voices is the Tea Party movement, a gang of roving idiots. Video inside.

An interview with Tom Rinaldi will air sometime after 7pm eastern "a person familiar with the situation" tells the Associated Press. No word on whether they'll ask about sexts. But we'll watch so you don't have to. [AP]

NBC's first female page, who worked there for 55 years, has good stories.

Apparently web trade in the rare Kaiser's spotted newt, and red and pink coral is devastating those species among others. Because person-to-person sales and smuggling is harder to police than big shipments. Put down your credit card, newt lovers. [AP]

[This image will give a certain segment of the population Freudian nightmares. Surrounded by black Congressmen, America's first female Speaker of the House wields a novelty-size mallet as she prepares to pass health care reform. Fox News screenshot via jordangolson.com]

Like Obama, Baldwin is among those enchanted people babies always love. He recently approached a screaming toddler who "immediately started smiling at him, handed him her baby bear, and he gave it a kiss." Why do babies like these people?

Catch up with fabulosity embodied, Kimora Lee Simmons, and her kids, Ming Lee, Aoki Lee, and new baby brother, Kenzo Lee, on new episodes of Kimora: Life In the Fab Lane tonight @ 9/8c on The Style Network. Trailer below!

The WSJ mocked a headline in the Toledo Blade: Luckey Teen Wins Blade Spelling Bee. "He's luckey," the paper said, "the blade can't spell any better than he can." Except Luckey is the name of the town he's from. [HuffPo]

Boys with nannies obsess over 'the other woman,' become womanizers, says crackpot shrink.

The "self-promoting pansexual former gay magazine editor," who claims he quit Men's Fitness when bosses forced him to put Tiger Woods on the cover as part of a shady deal to cover up his affairs, has joined moral powerhouse OK!

Ah, the Nineties. The time when Freddie Prinze Jr. was king of all he surveyed and Rachael Leigh Cook was America's sweetheart. Before Usher had "Yeah" we had She's All That, a charming teen spin on Bernard Shaw's play, "Pygmalion."

House Dems "have the votes now" and it's scheduled for tonight. Even abortion foe Bart Stupak is ready to vote 'yes.' Expect Republicans to go apeshit during today's floor debates, which are officially irrelevant except as a platform for venting.