It is impossible to overstate how terrifying it is to have a bat loose in your house. Even when you consider how much these people freak out.

Russian tabloids don't play. Life News has published photos of the severed heads of the two female suicide bombers who blew up the Moscow subway trains earlier this week. Do not click through unless you really want to.

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Reports that Verizon may end AT&T's monopoly over the iPhone boosted trading on Wall Street, where European debt threatened to ruin everyone's day.

A lawsuit in Kentucky against the Vatican has the Pope worried, so his legal team drafted a 3-point plan of defense — American bishops were just Vatican contractors, there's no smoking gun, and Benedict has immunity as head of state.

At long last, the president has a plan that will prove his commitment to bipartisanship. Today he will introduce a new offshore oil and gas drilling proposal along the East Coast. Thankfully, the Jersey Shore will be spared. [NYT]

Club Damani, known by day as Harambee Charter School, offers dancing, drinking, rapping, and an expired liquor license. State officials aren't happy about this. But they should relax, because the club's in-house performer says, "Yo, I got that weed."

Great news! The ultimate penis compensation vehicle may soon be more affordable. You just need a horse first. Artist Jeremy Dean built a horse-drawn Hummer to show everyone what our miserable future could look like. [Boing Boing, via]

A guy leaped over a barrier surrounding the observation deck of the Empire State Building yesterday, falling 86 floors to his death. More than 30 people have jumped from the building since 1931. [NYT] (Pic via)

Attention, Justin Bieber's mom. We just spotted your son at Perez Hilton's birthday party. You're super Christian, right? Did you know the party was sponsored by Lifestyle condoms? Do you even know who Perez Hilton is? We have bad news.

Tonight's episode of Millionaire Matchmaker was an exercise in train wrecks—a bitter male chauvinist and a creepy man-child. Ladies, I beg of you: if you ever find yourself on a date anything like the ones below, run.

We all knew it was coming: The infamous picture of Jesse James wearing an SS officer's hat while doing the "sieg heil." These are two things you do not want to do by themselves. Together, they are exponentially worse.

Bethenny Frankel tried selling her wedding pics. Everyone passed except OK! They paid $10,000.

On Friday, a Guardian columnist wrote a blog post called "Justin Bieber: an Old Person's Guide." Sounds familiar. We wrote the same post nine days earlier: "The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People." Updated with Hyde comment.

On this very special "from scratch" episode of Little Miss Perfect, both pageant moms relied on their own craftiness to handle the gaudy Frankensteins they were trying to turn their children into.

Jaime Escalante, the teacher who inspired Stand and Deliver, has died at 79.

An enraged customer crawled through the drive-thru window of a South Brunswick McDonald's because his Fish-O-Filet sandwich was taking too long. Inside the restaurant he assaulted an employee, shouted threats, then absconded with his food.

Jesse James is the Tiger Woods of neo-Nazi biker babes, and now he's reportedly pulled a Tiger and checked into rehab at Tucson's Sierra Tucson, a facility that deals with sex, drug, and alcohol addiction among other ailments. [TMZ]

[Click to expand. Image via Reddit.]

A brief rift in the Facebook privacy shield has been healed, but not before dozens of people documented it. For about 30 minutes late Tuesday, private email addresses were revealed—and then, just as suddenly, they were hidden again.