An Iraq War vet saved a Rabbi's wife from choking. Not patriotic enough for you? They were at Yankee Stadium, and she was choking... on a cheesesteak. I feel like saluting something. [NYDN]

Huzzah! America's Deadbeat Older Brother, the United Kingdom, is holding an election for Best Wizard! Or Prime Minister, or something. Who are the "Party Leaders" who might lead the UK? Is one of them Ringo? We know who Ringo is.

Tonight, Stephen Colbert did a scathing exposé of President Obama's communist-like bowing via footage of Obama bowing to international leaders (and even his own dog). To Colbert, Obama's bowing is yet another example of how the terrorists are winning.

Police are saying that a third-grader was caught giving out over 60 baggies of heroin, stamped with the words "trust me," to classmates. Come on—don't all kids go through a horse phase? [AP]

Rick Sanchez's rants have been getting a little ridiculous as of late, but today's was unusually stupid. Watch as Sanchez decries a Tea Bagger's racist tweets by mocking his MySpace page and ugly haircut. Really, Rick? Really?

What are church ladies complaining about these days? According to the American Library Association's list of "most challenged" books, 2009's top offenders were nude instant-messaging, sexy vampires, gay penguins, and Boo Radley. How literary!

Kate Gosselin stopped by The Joy Behar Show earlier tonight to discuss her new book. During their discussion, Behar asked Gosselin frankly if she was to blame for her divorce. Inside, watch her surprising response.

Tomorrow is the Tea Party's big day: Tax day! They will be rallying all over the place. Some people want to "crash" these parties and ruin them. Sounds like a plan. Here is some advice!

Tonight, Jon Stewart took Fox News to task for its focus on the Nuclear Security Summit's logo and assertion that it was a crescent moon/nod to muslim countries before giving the network a taste of its own medicine. Video inside.

When we were young, our parents only let us watch one hour of TV a day. We complained and complained. But compared to the technological limits the Obamas put on their daughters, we were living in a crazy futureworld.

Mel Gibson had to go all the way to Russia to find someone who didn't think he was an awful person. Now, he and Oksana Grigorieva have split. No one knows why, but we are guessing shouting was involved. [People]

Holy crap: Did not see this one coming. According to a new New York Times/CBS News poll, Tea Party supporters are "wealthier and more well-educated than the general public." Also, they mostly do not think Sarah Palin should be president.

Are you master of your own live-blogging domain? No? Of course not — nobody is! So why fight it? Just turn on Top Chef Masters, head for the comments section under this post and start master-blogging with us!

A programmer sold his iPad abroad; a reporter auctioned his mom's iPad on eBay; and a media consultant ceremoniously reboxed his iPad. The Twitterati were saying goodbye to their not-so-magical Apple slates — or watching people who did.

I've never watched a single episode of Ugly Betty but tonight I just might. But not before Modern Family. And maybe American Idol, if I'm feeling saucy. Be sure to check in to #tvparty and talk about what you're watching!

[First Lady of gym class Michelle Obama gets a lesson on how to jump from a group of schoolchildren in Mexico City today. Image via AP]

Did you know you can keep up with Gawker on Facebook and Twitter? You can!

CNN built its iReport platform as a kind of YouTube for news: Readers report on their own news stories, which they can upload onto CNN.com. Now CNN is suing one of those iReporters for claiming he works for CNN.

American Thinker blogger's shocking discovery: Barack Obama pretended to attend a non-existent soccer game in a crime-ridden neighborhood! Subsequent updates prove President attended real soccer game in nice neighborhood. Lesson: never trust liberal media. (Rush Limbaugh eventually picked it up.)

Hevisaurus is a Finnish Dinosaur Metal band that is a huge hit with the kiddies in Finland. You doubt their love for Dinosaur Metal? Witness them waving inflatable bananas to show how hard they are being rocked. Wait, what?