Porn stars, including Ron Jeremy, are sick of you watching their "creative artistry" for free. So a bunch of them that you might vaguely, guiltily recognize have put together this earnest video imploring you to pay for your... fun. [Wired]

Every couple years, the rumor surface that Barack Obama had an affair with his hot campaign worker Vera Baker. It happened again—this time in the pages of the National Enquirer. Which is always right about politicians' sex scandals.

The latest headlines don't seem to back up Bush's hubris-filled claim, back in May 2003, that the war was won. 'Wave of Fatal Bombings Widens Fissures in Iraq,' for example. Some US troops will pull out in August. [HuffPo]

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry split. Chelsea Handler has a sex tape. Johnny Weir and Evan Lysacek are at war. Lance Armstrong's unborn baby has a Twitter account. A topless bong pic causes controversy. Saturday's gossip roundup is making waves.

Based on the 1991 Nintendo hit, Battletoads as a cartoon only lasted one episode. Some say it was nothing more than a blatant Ninja Turtles rip off, but Shredder had nothing on the Toads' sexy nemesis, The Dark Queen.

Sheen in 1996, the year of his divorce from first wife of one year Donna Peele. [Pic via Getty]

Before Kirsten Schall was on Flight of the Conchords, she was an aspiring comedian. Watch her here in one of her stand up sets in London.

Your thoughts on Betty White's SNL gig and Heidi Montag's freak of a face.

[Michelle Obama celebrates Arbor Day with a planting project at local school. Image via AP.]

This week, many things happened. Funny things, sad things, happy things. But mostly dumb things. Lots and lots of dumb things.

Today in #tips, J.Lo's ex plots with ashleymadison.com, a blackboard rabbit menaces a German teacher, fresh roadkill legislatin', Dakota Fanning tours NYU, in-law restraining orders and more.

As suspected, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone haven't broken up; they're getting matching tattoos!

[Melania Trump on whether she'd live here on a $35,000 salary, to New York magazine's Daily Intel. Image via Getty.]

The week didn't end well for Goldman Sachs. Following news a criminal probe of the firm is now underway, shares of its stock plunged nearly 10% today, "which translates to a one-day loss in company value of $8.1 billion." [WaPo]

Today we heard the horrible story about the eel that ate a butt. To death. There's not much to do about this but imagine what the guy's friends, who put the eel there, must have been thinking. To wit:

The women of Maine are sick of men being allowed to take off their shirts on hot days, while women must keep their chests, with associated ornaments, hidden. A couple of dozen just staged a topless march about it.

Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

The season finale of Sober House to showed that all of the addicts will soon start new lives. The one notable exception is Dennis Rodman, who seems to have just needed a place to crash for a couple weeks.

Fringe's musical episode was a bit of a flop, Chuck fans plan a flash mob, Spencer Pratt's returning to reality TV, and tumblr's latest sensation: Phone Funeral.

Three days ago, a widely-reported story emerged that Michael Lohan had posted to Twitter that Lindsay was HIV-positive. Michael said it was a hacker. Lindsay said it was her dad. Nobody realized that the hack itself was a fake.