Your daily look into the twitterific lives of our favorite celebs.

Due to some drama with volcanic ash, we weren't able to make it to Cannes this year. Fortunately, French-speaking fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern had already washed ashore, so we hustled her over to the festival to cover it for us.

A Swansea man has been charged with possessing "an extreme pornographic image which portrayed ... a person performing an act of intercourse with a dead animal, namely a squid." Prosecutors later admitted it could be an octopus. Reverse eeling? [Sun]

TONIGHT: We've got new episodes of Top Chef Masters and American Idol, Kevin Jonas on Minute to Win It and Modern Family on vacation in Hawaii.

"I'm not here to make excuses," lies GE CEO Jeff Immelt in this video of a recent interview. Then he goes on to explain why your concerns about him earning $10 million last year are super stupid. Best excuses below!

[The dignified actors at the opening of the Cannes Film Festival, in the south of Freedom; image via Splash]

The Sarah Silverman Program gets axed, Iman replaces Kelly Rowland on The Fashion Show, what 25 of our favorite Lost guest stars are up to now, and the ten best food references on The Simpsons.

Here's a trailer for the romantic thriller The Adjustment Bureau, based on the Philip K. Dick story about hat-wearing, Mad Men-esque fates who control all the destiny in the world. It looks like it could be cheesy or wonderful.

Behold, the power of the Park Slope Parents! Do you dare to open a restaurant in Park Slope without a kid's menu? Oh, you will have a kid's menu. You most certainly will.

Gov. Mark Sanford and his metaphorical Appalachian Trail have reunited. After Gawker Stalker caught sight of Sanford and his Argentine lover in Florida, Sanford has admitted the rumor is true. He and Maria are back together!

The poor petless people who go to the city's dog runs to ogle other people's dogs (hence "dogle") are pretty sad. They're like old men in trenchcoats fondling themselves by a playground. It's just... Aw! Puppy! What were we saying?

Luxury still exists, in a vending machine in Abu Dhabi's Emirates Palace hotel. GOLD To Go is a German invention that monitors the price of gold and dispenses bars and customizable coins. This is its international debut. Sparkly! [AP, Awl]

The website Capitol Words measures how often our lawmakers say certain words. We've been through the archives and found a congressman mathematically eight times crazier than Michele Bachmann. Meet the undisputed champion of saying "ACORN," "Socialist," "Homosexual" and "White".

Congratulations to JoelBarrish for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Today at Gawker.TV, The Man in Black and Jacob's backstory is finally revealed on Lost, Will Forte gives insight into MacGruber's nudie scenes, Bill O'Reilly talks Fox News on The View, and what in the world is "butt-chugging?"

Bullshit allergies! Rachael Ray eats in the cafeteria! Michelle Obama hates Happy Meals! Books are organic to eat! Dave Zinczenko does not speak English! It's your important Health Watch, where we watch your health—while sipping juice-like beverages!

A mysterious cache of videos of the Jackson children—apparent leaks from self-made videos and webchats—show Paris on iChat, Blanket pretending to be a Jedi knight, and other rambunctious games.

Four NYU students were lucky enough to get some New York Times coverage for their would-be Facebook killer. But they seem to have helped slip a nerdy sex joke past Times editors, as well.

[Alec Baldwin greets fans before his commencement speech for alma mater NYU, at Yankee Stadium earlier today. Image via Getty.]

We were so busy trying to promote our birthday party that we didn't have time to watch The City last night. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there for all the bitch-on-bitch fighting action.