"He should be embarrassed to be rolling around," said ABC's announcer moments after the Ivory Coast's Keita faked a blow to the face in the most overdramatic, ridiculous way possible, forcing an unjust red card for Brazil's Kaka. Video inside.

Ever wonder what it's like to be set on fire? Step in front of the US military's "pain ray" Active Denial System and find out! It has recently been deployed to Afghanistan, but "has not been used operationally," yet.

The Yankees say Lady Gaga is not actually "banned" from their clubhouse for groping herself

On Thursday, a grizzly bear in Yellowstone Park killed 70 year-old botanist Erwin Evret just hours after scientists tranquilized, tagged and released it. Wildlife officials used the bear's new radio collar to track it down again and kill it. [Telegraph]

It's easy to make fun of New Jersey, the state affectionately known as the "Armpit of America." You can't make left turns, the whole place smells like a diaper, and that show? Yeah. But some proud residents are fighting back.

[Participants in the 2010 Mermaid Parade at Coney Island yesterday. Each year, people dress up in crazy costumes and march as an homage to the old Coney Island Mardi Gras.] (Pic via Getty)

Life is hard, but sometimes everything works out. Couples in today's New York Times weddings announcements have been blessed by something (God? Randomness? Aliens?) Resident Gawker weddings expert Phyllis Nefler parses their serendipitous stories.

There is no worse feeling than waking up and realizing you've slept through your alarm, and now you're late for work. That's why we have devised the ultimate awakening system for heavy sleepers: The Triad Awakening System™. Never oversleep again!

An internal BP document says that up to 100,000 barrels of oil could be leaking every day.

Not to be confused with "One Night in Paris," this witty rom-com starring Julie Delpy and Adam Goldberg tells the story of what happens when a neurotic couple stop in the City of Lights to meet the parents.

Louisiana legislators passed a resolution asking residents to pray today for the end of the oil spill. Said State Senator Robert Adley: "it is clearly time for a miracle for us." Said God: "But... I'm almost at 150 million gallons!"

Finally, a Vatican scandal that doesn't involve molesting children! Cardinal Crescenzio Sepe, and a former Italian Infrastructure and Transport Minister are being investigated for aggravated corruption in connection with shady real estate deals and multi-million euro kickbacks. Breathe easy, Pope.

When Michaele and Tareq Salahi crashed the White House State dinner, we all assumed this meant they would no longer be in the upcoming Real Housewives of D.C. But the producers realized the Salahis were the only thing they had.

Say you run a mediocre baseball team that no one cares about and plays in a turquoise football stadium. How do you get your franchise in the spotlight? You find a lame schtick. Like handing out free vuvuzelas to fans.

The mayor of Guadalupe, Mexico, was shot and killed in Ciudad Juarez, in front of his wife and kids.

Lady Gaga is no longer welcome in the Yankees clubhouse. Leann Rimes' divorce is done! Kim Kardashian, somehow grossed out by breast feeding. Michael Jackson's kids have no friends. Megan Fox: Lord of the Nerds. Sunday's gossip Roundup is boob-filled

BP is setting up a $50 billion fund to pay for the Gulf oil spill, according to unnamed sources in London's Sunday Times. $10 billion would come from a bond sale, and $20 billion each from banks and asset sales.

This is Daniel Whitney, the comedian presently known as Larry the Cable Guy, talking about his grandma with Alzheimer's. I think I preferred him before he dumbed down for conservative-redneck audiences.

The Clinton Presidential Library released a huge stash of emails from Elena Kagan's four-year stint in the Clinton administration today. Some people say they show a "blunt, savvy legal adviser" But she also said swears!

Governor David Paterson and state lawmakers, as part of an emergency (still non-existant) budget bill, are adding an additional $1.60 tax on cigarettes sold in New York, meaning a pack bought in the city would cost $5.85 extra in tax.