Actress Elaine Carroll has masterfully created a web series parodying the life of Mary-Kate Olsen. Videos vary from MK at NYU, to MK with her bodyguard, and MK getting hit on by Philip Seymour Hoffman. Our favorite videos, inside.

The Way We Live Now: Wrinkled. Our faces wrinkle from stress. Our money is wrinkled from our tight grasps. And our clothes are wrinkled, because the god damn Chinese are taking over the ironing board industry. Smooth-clothed bastards.

Andy Rooney says he'll "never retire," The Bachelor's Jake and Vienna have broken up, Jersey Shore heads to the nude beaches, and we came to the mind-blowing realization that Real Housewives' Danielle Staub looks a lot like Aladdin's Jafar.

[James Gandolfini in Tribeca; image via Splash]

As Seen on TV came on Chelsea Lately to promote products like a giant cupcake maker- which Chelsea Handler wanted to make pot-cupcakes with. Sure, Chelsea may not be the best salesperson, but at least she makes ridiculous crap entertaining.

U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman struck down the Obama administration's deepwater drilling moratorium in rather snippy, circular language today. Perhaps his cereal milk was a bit sour this morning? Or maybe he just owns some oil stocks.

First Jerry Seinfeld dissed the Real Housewives while on Bravo, now he calls Lady Gaga a "jerk" for inappropriate baseball game behavior. Sure, she was crass, but we don't want to watch him transform into a scolding Andy Rooney.

TONIGHT: We've got some premieres as TBS unveils its new cop show Memphis Beat, Food Network debuts Cupcake Wars and ABC rolls out new gameshow Downfall. Plus, it's the episode we've all been dreading of Deadliest Catch.

Dmitry Medvedev, the "elected" president of Russia, is touring Silicon Valley companies this week. At Apple tomorrow, say Russian reports, the Mac enthusiast will get a pre-release iPhone 4 as a personal gift from CEO Steve Jobs. Appropriate.

Lindsay Lohan really likes Twitter. And people seem to like her Tweets! So she has capitalized on her talents and, for a change, hasn't screwed it up. It appears that she's running ads on her Twitter account. For $10,000?

On today's Maury, Angela accused her future sister-in-law, Alisha, of cheating with her husband. No more explanation is necessary, just an emphasis on the insane intensity of the sister-in-law. Watch her crazy antics.

Today at Gawker.TV, Stephen Colbert would like to have sex in space, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has a problem with Joy Behar's "bigotry," TV's beloved Greg the Bunny loses his innocence, and an odd photoshoot involving nakedness and food on True Beauty.

Congratulations to naomitonic for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Last week we brought you internal documents and employee testimony about American Apparel's hiring practices and work environment. AA CEO Dov Charney wasn't happy with our reporting! And for AA employees, leaking to us carries a $1 million penalty. Seriously.

[Pint-sized actress Hayden Panettiere prepares for flight beside a giant dog kennel at LAX. A photo of her beside monstrously huge heavyweight boxer boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko is after the jump. Images via Bauer-Griffin.]

On the series premiere of Inedible to Incredible, Chef John Besh makes terrible cooks eat their own food after show them what good food looks and tastes like. Honestly, why would anyone serve guests "Adult Baby Food?"

$19-billion-in-debt California is considered putting ads on license plates: "The electric plates would look normal while the car is in motion, but would flash advertisements any time the car is stopped." Wasn't this in Wall-E? [Time, image via]

Dakota Fanning is a great actress, but she's a horrible athlete—that's what she told Jay Leno on yesterday's Tonight Show, at least. Does this remind anyone else of the Full House episode where Michelle plays soccer? Video inside.

Kids these days continue to disappoint us all. In my day, we had fake drugs like salvia, that really worked. Now, kids are trying to get "high" with "i-Dosers"—digital sounds, on computers. Oklahomans are worried.

Former Bush advisers Karl Rove and Ed Gillespie pledged to raise $52 million for Republican candidates when they started their new fundraising group, American Crossroads, a few months ago. Big shots! Big money. But yeah... they raised $200 last month.