The Long Island Railroad has restored "limited" service to all lines after a switching station fire ground the system to a halt earlier. Commuters can get trains, but should expect delayed service through Tuesday. Better bring beer for the ride!

Today we looked at parents unable to leave their children alone at college. This got many of you telling your own stories of leaving the nest, with one in particular delighting and intriguing.

Wikileaks leader Julian Assange implied that the rape and molestation charges against him in Sweden were part of a global conspiracy. But a fringe-left accuser identified in the Swedish media hardly seems like a CIA plant.

During the Boston Red Sox annual "Jimmy Fund Telethon" Friday, renowned jerk Bill O'Reilly joined broadcasters Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy in the booth and told an embarrassing story about his legendary lack of tact.

When Conan O'Brien collaborated with Jack White, no one was sure what their "music" would sound like. Today we get our first preview of "And They Call Me Mad," where the comedian voices an updated Dr. Frankenstein.

A federal judge has temporarily blocked federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

In a wacky TV spot, Colorado gubernatorial candidate John Hickenlooper jokes that he needs to shower after watching opponents' dirty, negative ads. But he won't even undress in his shower scenes! Come on, John. Colorado's pervy voters demand full-frontal.

Did you enjoy last week's compendium of Russia's Greatest Online Profile Pics? Marina Galperina has assembled another collection that dwarfs the first in both number and insanity. Peruse it! What else are you doing on a Monday afternoon in August?

Jersey Shore quote machine The Situation has reportedly signed up for ABC's Dancing with the Stars. With that gig, he'll probably make even more than the shocking $5 million he'll pull in this year. Where does the cash come from?

Jennifer Aniston will reunite with Courtney Cox on Cougar Town, Kelly Cutrone heads back to MTV, Taylor Momsen's teenage scowl, Jersey Shore's The Situation will participate on the next season of Dancing With the Stars, and more!

On last night's Hung, Ray gets a chance to relive his glory days when he participates in a baseball game between the students and alumni. The old man proves he's still got some left in the tank by going yard.

TONIGHT: Lots of TV! We've got the Miss Universe Pageant and the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, plus new episodes of Bachelor Pad, Dating in the Dark, Weeds, and more, plus Blago on The Daily Show.

While not quite comparable to "We've Got to Stop the Mosque At Ground Zero," this latest anti-mosque jam, "SALT IN THE WOUND," is still a profound piece of Real Americana. But what's that image that appears at :39?

The Way We Live Now: huffing and puffing and blowing houses down. We're talking economically, okay? Home equity has evaporated. Deflation is inevitable. Credit card rates are increasingly usurious. Your safe investments are bubbles. And your painting's been stolen. Blows.

[The "Gossip Girl" actress and Pretty Reckless rocker grrl (of a sort) in London today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

This is truly sick: here's surveillance footage from outside of a school in Coventry, England that shows a woman walk up to a cat, pet it for a few seconds, and then pick it up/throw it into a garbage bin.

A joint statement on Tiger Woods' website announces, "We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future." The mistress-plagued golfer and his model wife will share child custody. [TMZ]

Congratulations to skellywelly for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Today at Gawker.TV, the Today Show hosts dislike the word "suck," Bachelor Jake Pavelka's acting debut, Rob Corddry and Oscar Nunez appear on The Soup, and a father takes out an ad in the local paper to embarrass his daughter.

Have you heard about @whoisthebaldguy? He's this bald guy making a career out of getting celebrities to follow him on Twitter. Unfortunately, all he ever tweets about is getting celebrities to follow him, which makes following him really annoying.