During another News You Can't Use segment on Morning Joe, Mika aired her disgust with The Situation's forecasted revenue visibly, frequently and emetically.

The Way We Live Now: taxonomically. All of our expenditures must be organized into "necessary" and "unnecessary" piles. The hard part comes when deciding how to sort everything. Sliced bagels: necessary or not? Your financial future depends on it.

The Big Bang Theory's fall ad campaign, Glee's Kurt gets a quarterback boyfriend, Hungover Owls, and Kara Dioguardi wasn't fired—she quit, okay? This and more, inside.

After Julian Assange's sexual entanglement with two Swedish ladies, we asked if the Wikileaks founder might be a "nerdy sex God." It turns out he very much is, if his own deleted blog entries are to be believed.

Have you ever wondered what it would look like if a drunken Otto from The Simpsons were arrested for assault? Well, wonder no longer. Watch as this California rock star performs his "best song" for some officers on Jail.

The IRS says that Marcos Esparza Bofill, a young former Alphabet City resident (reported as a "hipster," for being a young Alphabet City resident), owes $172 million in back taxes. How'd that happen?

A man who built a career from infantile honking, exuberant hyperbole, and laughing out loud has written his first-ever blog post. In retrospect, it should have been obvious: Pee Wee Herman was made for the internet age.

TONIGHT: Many of the late-night shows are still on hiatus, but there are some nice primetime offerings, including new episodes of Melissa and Joey, Big Lake, Flipping Out, America's Got Talent, Shaq Vs., The Rachel Zoe Project, and much more!

If you've been feeling phantom itches lately, here's something to comfort you: If you don't live in Ohio, it's possible you don't have bedbugs. If you do live there, you're fucked. Three Ohio cities make the top ten infested list.

Birthday cake is awesome—that's if you actually get to eat it. Watch as this mom ruin's her kid's birthday when it lands upside down on the table instead of in her belly.

Wal-Mart's single best-selling item: bananas. Huh. See I would have guessed tainted meat.

1. Tila Nguyen the nude model.
She seemed a bit more stable back then.

After live-tweeting an attempted armed home invasion this morning, Paris Hilton wandered onto her mansion's balcony after a shower to unfurl her towel before the crowd of helicopters and paparazzi. Life returns to normal at the Fameball Barbie Dream House.

Here's a video of a cat—a seemingly very, very angry cat—being completely unamused by the adorable, "Happy Birthday!" song that his owners (or owners' kids?) are singing to him. That said, since when do cats have birthday parties?

After he rescued a drowning child, a local newspaper called "Craig Hemengway" a hero. His granny wrote them a letter: You spelled his name wrong, it's "Eric Hemenway." Turns out he's a wanted criminal, and may now go to jail.

How sad must the traveling merchant class be? What do they long for at night, in their hotels, after closing hot business deals? Well, 25 percent of these men, supposedly, cuddle with stuffed animals, weeping themselves to sleep.

Congratulations to swoleary for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

Today at Gawker.TV, Chelsea Handler tells Eli Roth she thought Peaches Geldolf was a stripper, NBC turns a game show into soft-core porn, and Brad Pitt is the unlikely hero of Spike Lee's documentary about a post-Katrina New Orleans.

For anyone who's ever considered counterfeit luxury products harmless-after all, what's a fake Vuitton or Chanel bag, or some faux-logo Coach or Fendi?-Scientific American has a study in its new September issue that may make you reconsider.

Every web site I've viewed while "researching" this has been in German, but this is what Google Translate tells me: here's a video of German sportscaster Jessica Kastrop getting pelted—hard—in the head with a soccer ball last weekend.