Your neighbors: can you trust them? Well, more than you could 100 years ago, when kindly "Mr. Smith" next door may have been a dirty German who changed his name. Today, foreigners just rub our faces in their un-American pronunciations.

Unwatchable MSNBC host Ed Schultz apparently wasn't so happy about being omitted from the network's recent election night promos. Two weeks ago, Page Six reports, he went nuts in MSNBC's New York offices, screaming obscenities at everyone.

The Hawaii home that the Obamas rent for holidays has been sold for $6.9 million.

RIP vajazzling, you are no longer the cutting-edge practice in vaginal adornment. Meet vatooing, which involves inking a temporary tattoo of whatever you so desire down there. Watch as these Manhattanites decorate their ladybits with spider webs and swirly hearts.

Today celebrities are awful because of awards gifting suites. You know, where millionaires are given extravagant amounts of fancy free shit because they're famous. Well the Emmys are on Sunday and this year the suites are all about charity.

[Amy Winehouse poses for the cameras on a night out in London. I don't know why I even bother writing punchlines for this lady. Her facial expressions are a comedic act all on their own. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

We cannot stop searching for cheesy local/regional TV commercials from our childhood hometowns. You know, the ones with really high-quality production values, classically-trained actors, and demure used car salesmen that only you and the people you grew up with remember?

Ahmed Sharif, the New York City cab driver stabbed after allegedly being asked if he was Muslim, described the violent attack to local TV news reporters, saying he pleaded with his attacker not to kill him.

In your villainous Thursday media column: forcing Larry King back into your ear, temporary silence from Jay Mariotti, Jeff Zucker never stops droning on, and early morning TV gets even earlier.

Last week we brought you footage of a teenage ScarJo, and now here's a vault nugget featuring John Stamos on the set of a music video for Full House. For 1992, is Uncle Jesse's "wang" joke ahead of its time?

Those who continually tune in to NBC's Saturday Night Live because they like the laughs might find themselves laughing less this fall. According to the New York Times, Will Forte won't be returning for the show's 36th season.

Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, the sarcastic freshman known for going on MSNBC to insult Republicans everyday, has released a surprisingly earnest TV ad, in which children build up to a rousing "Alan Grayson saved our schools!" chant. It's slightly over-the-top.

America's most famous unwed mother Bristol Palin has been confirmed as a castmember on the next season of Dancing with the Stars. Wouldn't it be awesome if rumored fellow castmate The Situation started dating her? Mommy Sarah would hate that!

If you're attractive and/or a girl, this doesn't apply to you. But the rest you, meaning those who poop, listen up: Your pooping technique is incorrect, a groundbreaking story reveals. You've been sitting on toilets, which gives you diseases.

Bitch Media's Mad World takes on the Huffington Post in a video that takes on the so-called "liberal and progressive" newsblog. Just because Arianna Huffington is a woman doesn't mean that its pages don't wreak of sexism and blatant, sensationalized link-baiting.

Heeb, the magazine for cool-type Jews, is shuttering its print edition, although its website will continue on. Looks like our deathwatch from last November was accurate, after all! The Great Magazine Die-Off is harder to kill than Steven Seagal.

SyFy Channel's Scare Tactics is not just a program that showcases Tracy Morgan matter-of-factly reading cue cards. It's also a wonderful way for gullible friends to be pranked. Watch as this poor girl's carpool is attacked by motorcycle vampires.

A Sri Lankan maid says the wealthy Saudi Arabian family she worked for drove hot nails into her arms and legs after she complained to them about being overworked. There are even X-rays! And you thought your office was tough.

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons having interest in Top Chef Season 7 D.C., are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the season is now screening. God save baseball and mail order brides.

Bankrupt shell of a once-proud media company Tribune Co. is desperate. Desperate enough to try TV news without anchors. Desperate enough to give a seemingly-high jester an important management job. But are they really desperate enough to hire Michael Eisner?