The Way We Live Now: ignoring all evidence. Did you buy stocks, like we told you? Wall Street is up today! Despite the fact that we can't even afford the name-brand Trapper Keeper for our kids. Ignore that!

A young go-getter emailed the heads of most major TV networks yesterday with a pitch for a new reality show. It's about his "cool as hell" friend who's stringing along four guys and should be super-famous. Below: the insane email.

Maryland's NBC affiliate was able to obtain an interview with two women evacuated from the Discovery Channel Building. The disgruntled gunman reportedly has a grievance with the Discovery corporation. Maybe they shouldn't have given Sarah Palin a reality show?

[In braids and knee socks, Lourdes Leon talks to mother and tween clothing line collaborator Madonna on the set of Madge's movie W.E. Image via Pacific Coast News.]

We heard earlier today that Paste Magazine was in imminent danger of folding. Looks like it's already happened.

On last night's season finale of Rescue Me, it was revealed that Damien isn't dead after all, merely paralyzed and seriously brain damaged. No longer able to fight fires, he can still help the guys out with the ladies.

A stunning victory for female boozehounds and the men who drool over them at bars: Anti-feminist lawyer Roy Den Hollander has lost his lawsuit against New York bars for gender discrimination on "Ladies' Night."

Do you know who Sydney Dalton is? No? Well, she's a girl who uploaded a video to YouTube of her and her friends ripping Justin Bieber posters from her wall. Now, a crazed Belieber named Hannah has vowed physical revenge.

A man armed with guns and (maybe) explosives has reportedly taken hostages in the lobby of the Discovery Channel's headquarters in Silver Spring, Maryland. Several gunshots have been heard, and authorities are trying to evacuate the building.

Recently, Netflix signed a deal with Epix to bring some new Paramount, MGM, and Lionsgate movies to the Instant Watch library. Today, September 1st, that deal goes live. So what's new?

In your foreboding Wednesday media column: cutbacks small and large at CBS, vague rumors of trouble at Paste Magazine, Rupert Murdoch made more money than you this year, and gossip, considered.

Three Republican congressmen who appear in the news occasionally — Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor, and Kevin McCarthy — are releasing a book called Young Guns, referring to themselves. They must be important! So who are these sexy, cavalier, conservative idea-machines?

We already know who's going to be hoofing on ABC's Dancing with the Stars, but just how big of a payday is waiting for the likes of Bristol Palin and The Situation? It's less than you think.

Remember Mike Nahrgang, aka the Internet meme "Mustard Man"? Well, he's back—and mainstream!—with a funny PSA for the city of Toronto that encourages citizens to recycle their unwanted electronics. You don't want 'em? They do! Video inside.

On Today, Matt Lauer interviewed Agassi on his difficult childhood experiences and his love-hate relationship with tennis. He even mentioned that now his father would rather have had him playing the more lucrative sports of baseball or golf instead.

Darren Aronofsky's new ballet thriller (yes!) Black Swan premiered at the Venice Film Festival last night and reviews are in. Most people? Most people really liked the film, which sounds weird, dark, and insanely intriguing.

You probably remember your middle school years as a "golden age" when your horrible physical and emotional awkwardness resulted in frequent humiliation at the hands of early-maturing bullies. Surprisingly, researchers say middle school's not all it's cracked up to be.

On last night's Late Night, Jimmy Fallon welcomed too-cute Drew Barrymore for a chat about her new movie, Going the Distance. After the interview, Barrymore and Fallon played a competitive game of "Total Iceholes," further cementing Barrymore's adorableness. Video inside.

Knocking back up to three beers a day, this deer in China has become a major zoo attraction due to his drinking habit. When no brews are readily available, it'll class things up by sipping on some wine. Bottoms up!

Does this man from the latest MetroPCS commercial look oddly familar? Here's a hint: He was Stephanie Tanner's Boyfriend for a day. Still not ringing any bells? Behind the jump, click to see the face that's scarred into our brains.