TONIGHT: Honestly? Not much. Seems many of the networks have started the Labor Day weekend early. That said, we have new episodes of Jersey Shore, Futurama, BBQ Pitmasters, and more, plus Will Arnett on Letterman and Rachel Maddow on Fallon.

Tip! "There is some sort of bomb scare on 51st & park. They closed down the street and put police tape around this sweet black Mercedes. They also blew out the tires. We are not aloud [sic] to leave the building."

[Intriguing photo! Diane Lane and Thomas Dekker film "Cinema Verite", the upcoming HBO movie about the filming of proto-reality show "An American Family". Yes, Dekker is playing Lance. Image: Bauer-Griffin]

Seth Galifianakis hasn't been given a large platform since panning his brother Zach in Live at the Purple Onion. Here he gets to grill Sean Penn about Penn puns and what it's like to hang with Jack Nicklaus/Nicholson.

Remember Ronnie Brown, the model who lost an ear to a drag queen in a vicious bar brawl three weeks ago? Doctors initially reattached Brown's ear following the incident. But the procedure didn't work and his ear fell off again.

Irish fans were so irate that Guns N' Roses (or Axl Rose and his current back up band) were late to a gig, they booed and thew bottles until the band left. Finally, the appropriate response to Guns N' Roses!

The Justice Department has thrown yet another lawsuit at America's loony desert dingbat moon colony, Arizona. This one, however, was filed against obnoxious self-serving tyrant Joe Arpaio, sheriff of Maricopa County, for refusing to cooperate in a civil rights investigation.

Today at Gawker.TV, Donald Trump shares his opinions on a mosque at Ground Zero, Bill Cosby enjoys Chelsea Handler's breasts, Double Rainbow guy stars in a Windows Live commercial, and the Real Housewives of New Jersey tackle Broadway... sort of.

Congratulations to Mr.hunnybunny for being the first person to answer today's Freeze Frame. Click through for the answer.

The American, George Clooney's new film from director Anton Corbijn, is not your typical flashy Hollywood shoot-em-up. It's a high-action assassin film that offers a calculated peek into the life of a (scorching hot) man challenged by his own bloody background.

The Way We Live Now: getting out. Packing it up. Packing it in. Rolling it up. Leaving the market. Leaving the schools. Leaving the food behind. Leaving Las Vegas. Fuck it.

Two immigration experts speculate as to why illegal immigrants are fleeing our beloved nation. Could it be the law? No, perhaps it's the economy. Wait. How about that furry monster we just saw chase everyone away? Rewind?

Red state rabble rouser Sarah Palin—who only recently discovered the joy of language—took to Sean Hannity's radio show today to rant about the "impotent, limp, and gutless reporters" who "slay" her.

Scandinavian airline SAS is holding a contest to find the ideal same-sex couple to be wed in the friendly skies. "There will be wedding cake and dancing in the aisles," said a spokesperson. What's next, a man marrying a bird??

Next question: Why do they sound like your dog's favorite chew toy? Third question: Otters can jump? The answers don't really even matter because you'll simply be blinded by cuteness while watching this video. Promise!

Psychosis drugs! Botox drugs! Chimpanzee hugs! Diet drugs! Porno fugs! Malaria drugs! Teenage shrugs! And dementia drugs! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—and wealth, and knowledge of self!

Ah, another adventure into Race In America. And into Ohio. According to an Akron Beacon Journal columnist, many of the Wal-Mart superstores in the area have a specific section to which all books by and about black people are relegated.

How far Aniston has fallen: She might be cougaring with Lohan's sloppy seconds.

Our two favorite Hollywood attention-seekers—perpetually naked heiress Peaches Geldof and rant-prone torture porn provocateur Eli Roth—went out for dinner last night in London, and Eli posed pointing to Peaches' ring-finger diamond. Don't worry, she's "100% not engaged."

In celebration of 9/02/10, maven of teenage melodrama Josh Schwartz reintroduced the internet to a clip that brings Gossip Girl's credits from the Upper East Side to California's most famous zip code.