Lone Star was the cable-quality program that ended up on network television and was promptly canceled by FOX as a reminder of the consequences of setting your sights too high.

Joe Cerniglia, the chef and former Kitchen Nightmares contestant who committed suicide last week, was reportedly having an affair with his pastry chef. Suicide's tendency to make all your private peccadilloes public is just one of its drawbacks.

Remember your old NES? Well, it didn't appreciate getting dumped for Sega way back when and has some words for you, with a little help from Cee-Lo's "F*ck You."

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NYC elementary school teacher Melissa Petro's been "reassigned to administrative work" after writing publicly about her past work as a prostitute. But the tabloids aren't done with her. Would you believe she got tenure? After admitting to ess-ee-exxx?

Can you guess what movie this image comes from? Check back for the answer at 4pm today.

Ladies: Don't count on a "female Viagra" hitting the market anytime soon. It's a scam!

[A jovial French President Nicolas Sarkozy and wife Carla Bruni-Sarkozy break out the grins for the press. Images via Splash]

At least 75 adults were involved in a huge brawl at a three-year-old girl's birthday party in Ohio on Monday night. Bottles and fists flew, blood spewed, and the responding police officers had to call for backup. What a birthday!

America's only 24-hour Domino's Pizza, in Dayton, Ohio has rolled out a new item on its menu apparently targeting hungover college kids: the breakfast pizza. You can have eggs, sausage, ham and other greasy toppings added just before you vomit.

Who: The fashion stalwart may be best known for her wedding dresses, but she's branched out into fragrances, eyewear, shoes, home furnishings, and more.

Glenn Beck has been lambasted for being a Goldline huckster. But for the fourth straight day in world markets, the price of gold has broken previous records, trading at $1,313.45 per ounce. A weaker dollar means a richer Beck!

[Kim Jong-Il and leaders of the Workers' Party at the Workers' Party convention in Pyongyang. (Choosing his successor, not actually auctioning off statues.) Photo via Getty Images.]

This pink hippopotamus found in Kenya is amazing.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless what happens in Vegas is that a glass-encased, concave hotel creates a "death ray" of concentrated sunlight and burns a guest. This is something everyone should know about.

This week on 1,000 Ways to Die, we learn what happens when a man's porn addiction spirals out of control. Watch as his greatest source of pleasure ("smut") causes his ultimate pain (death).

Albert G. Brown Jr., convicted in 1982 of raping and strangling a 15-year-old girl, was scheduled to be executed tomorrow. But a judge canceled his execution today because California's supply of the lethal drug sodium thiopental is about to expire.

In addition to Oxford, it appears Christine O'Donnell also lied about attending California's Claremont Graduate University.

Tonight, Jon Stewart visited David Letterman on the Late Show, and the two had quite the hilarious discussion about Oprah Winfrey. During the chat, Letterman revealed that Winfrey "hated" him "long before" the Academy Awards incident—and then explained why.

35-year-old blogger Hossein Derakhshan, a Canadian citizen, was sentenced to 19 1/2 years in Iranian prison for "collaborating with enemy states" and "creating immoral websites," among other charges. This is the longest prison sentence given any blogger.