Consider this: billionaires suck.

Wesleyan University’s student assembly is considering substantial cuts to the student newspaper’s budget, in a move that is surely *completely unrelated* to a truly stupid recent uproar when the paper published an unpopular op-ed. The paper is soliciting donations to stay alive.

Rage over reclining airline seats has allegedly hit a new peak: mid-air strangulation.

Two months ago, the New York Times published a major article describing the means by which Amazon breaks down the minds of its employees and reassembles them into miserable, weeping productivity nodes. Today, Amazon’s flack-in-chief Jay Carney responds while denying nothing.

An historical reenactment of the infamous gunfight at the O.K. Corral turned bloody Sunday afternoon when one of the actors involved fired real bullets instead of the planned blanks, Tombstone, Ariz., marshals said.

According to reports, police have arrested a Portugese woman who was aboard the bizarre Aer Lingus flight this weekend that landed in Ireland with one passenger dead and another injured.

Six days after being found unconscious in a Nevada brothel, Kardashian in-law Lamar Odom is reportedly able to leave his bed and has begun physical therapy.

Widely despised pill price-gouging miscreant Martin Shkreli is mad at Bernie Sanders. So mad, in fact, that he could—and ostensibly did—“punch a wall.” Martin Shkreli claims to have punched this wall so hard that not only did he fracture his wrist, but there was even “one bone sticking out.”

Two teenagers were arrested late on Saturday for allegedly raping a 2 1/2-year-old girl in a park in New Delhi on Friday, the Associated Press reports. Police said they questioned more than 250 residents of the surrounding neighborhood.

The pastor of a Detroit storefront church fatally shot a man who was threatening him with a brick during an afternoon service today, reports The Detroit News.

Naming rights for a tiny new moth are up for auction on eBay. “We’re trying to break the stigma against the moth. Give the moth a fair shake.” Bidding started at $500 on Saturday.

The New York Post reports that Terry Richardson’s girlfriend Alexandra Bolotow is pregnant. “Multiple sources” say “the couple’s been discreetly telling friends. A source further told us that Bolotow’s three or four months along.”

Two books—“Basic Principles of Speech” and “Preface to Critical Reading”—were returned to the Portland State University library earlier this month after more than five decades on loan, reports the Washington Post.

The treasurer of a nonprofit youth baseball organization was arrested and arraigned in Manhattan Supreme Court on Friday, the New York Post reports. William Jacobvitz, 56, was indicted for stealing more than $90,000 from the New York Gothams.

A suspect in a domestic abuse case who was being treated at St. Cloud Hospital in Minnesota grabbed a gun from a sheriff’s deputy in his treatment room and shot and killed the officer, reports the Associated Press.

In Chicago on Saturday night, a 6-year-old boy fatally shot his 3-year-old brother after their father, who prosecutors said had acquired the gun for protection after testifying in a murder trial, showed the older boy where it was kept, above the refrigerator in their Humboldt Park home.

A 24-year-old man became agitated on an Aer Lingus flight from Lisbon to Dublin, bit another man, fell unconscious, and later died, reports The Guardian.

A family of five, driving in their SUV, crashed into a lake in suburban Phoenix early on Sunday. Two children and their parents are dead. A third child is in critical condition.

A Lincoln City, Oregon man who requested food from Subway, an industrial waste recycling outfit, was pleasantly surprised when the sheaths of reconstituted rubber pulp in a noxious-smelling caramel-colored foam “bun” he was served included actual organic matter, in the form of a dead mouse. Sweet!

BBC News has been unable to confirm whether this TV spot—which aired during Sunday night’s episode of the British X Factor—features a snippet of a new song by Adele. Neither has Billboard. I was unable to reach anyone at Columbia Records’ press office who could confirm or deny the news, so I guess we’re left to wonder which female singer who sounds like Adele could possibly be singing this new song that sounds like an Adele song. Anybody could be singing this new song that sounds like an Adele song. It could even be Adele.