In case you missed it, today was the 17th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, a solemn occasion best commemorated by a visit to Jared Leto's blog, Notes From the Outernet. Take it away, Jared!

Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson is adding "undersea exploration" to a growing list of fantastical business ventures that already includes trans-continental air travel, space tourism, and pay-as-you-go cellphone usage. Noting that "more men have been to the moon than have been down further than 20,000 feet [underwater]," Branson unveiled the Virgin Oceanic in Newport Beach today. And while it may look like a billionaire's plaything, this little sub is hardcore.

Police in Colorado were called to an elementary school to handle a violent second-grader who had "broke wood trim off the walls and was trying to stab teachers." So they did what any good cops would: They pepper sprayed him.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert detailed the recent ubiquity of James Franco. It turns out that Colbert thinks Franco is cramping his style, so he declared him his nemesis. Then Franco showed up to defend himself (but not his Oscars performance).

Tonight, Jon Stewart detailed the tactics both sides are using as they battle over the budget and avoid a government shutdown on Friday. From questionably unconstitutional legislation by Republicans to sarcastic retorts from Democrats, it seems everyone's acting a little bit childish. What else is new?

A new study finds that meditation can reduce pain by as much as half, even for people with very little meditation training. This makes it more effective than morphine! And certainly more effective than crying like a little sissy.

America's favorite fighter jet Charlie Sheen, apparently realizing he is sitting on a hypothetical goldmine of branded paraphernalia, is attempting to trademark 22 of the phrases he's coined during his latest manic episode, including:

Pervy American Apparel CEO Dov Charney told The Village Voice's Rosie Gray that he is "touched" to be "one of Gawker's death subjects," and while we never thought we'd say this, we are deeply excited to be touching Dov Charney (apparently to death?):

Twitter tried to launch a new home page today, one that would better appeal to mainstream users. Instead, the microblogging service has reverted to the original "Old Twitter" interface it replaced last year—when it's not failing entirely.

For reasons not related to sports or logic, I was sent across the country to cover the 2011 High Times Medical Cannabis Cup in Denver this past weekend. The event, held in a place called the Exdo Event Center that allegedly transformed into a gay nightclub once the sun set, featured an awards show for 45 indicas, 36 sativas, 50 hybrids, 26 concentrates, and 25 edibles from Colorado dispensaries. If you don't really know what those terms mean, it's okay: this event was primarily for professionals. And no matter how much pot you smoked in college, bro, I can now say with certainty that it does not make you a professional in the field of medical cannabis. There were seminars for legal issues and consumer rights, cultivation lessons, and a panel discussion on the ins and outs of the "Cannabusiness." And there was a giant tent — which required either a Denver medical marijuana card or a vendor's pass to enter — filled with marijuana for medicating purposes. The only rule, once you were in? No selling and no giving away of the marijuana. The tent was only for sharing. Welcome to the Medical Cannabis Cup.

The Doctor in this clip gives his patient his diagnosis by singing it to a tune of the theme of one of the most popular shows of 90's, Family Matters.

PhD student Alex Davies has set out to discover the happiest places in the world by analyzing Tweets. A noble project! But one that may need some tweaking, given that according to his data, the happiest U.S. state is Tennessee (tied with Arizona as the eighth most-unemployed state in the union) , and the happiest country is Germany (which, c'mon, it's Germany; if it were a happy country we wouldn't have had two different world wars).

According to TV Guide, Today co-host Meredith Vieira will leave the show when her contract expires later this year. She's apparently "weary of the demanding early morning hours," which we assume is code for "sick of Matt Lauer." [TV Guide]

Now that the Huffington Post has taken over editorial operations at AOL, freelance AOL movie writers will be transitioned to a new compensation model that replaces contractual pay with deep, deep appreciation and possibly compliments.

Democratic National Committee chair Tim Kaine announced today that he's running for a Virginia Senate seat. His DNC replacement will reportedly be Florida Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, a rising star in the House Democratic leadership.

While the upbeat soundtrack and silly antics may be entertaining, this video could be a tragic story of a bird trying to protect its nest from a predatory cat. Or it could be a very effective anti-bullying method. Either way, nature can be cruel.

No one can be sure until the last minute, but the odds of a government shutdown in three days have never been higher after a day of collapsed talks. Congressional parties and the White House are hunkering down for cover to ensure they don't get blamed. But it's important to remember, as we watch this parlor game, that a government shutdown affects "real lives" quite directly.

From the New York Post today:

This is it. The day we've been waiting for. We started this war with 16 supercute kitties and 16 precious puppies. Now, brave warriors—Tiger! Pit Bull! Tabby! Mutt!—lie fallen on the bloodied fields. [Jezebel]

The Atlantic has compiled a list of Sarah Palin's feuds that have broken out in the media, which it can't stop updating as more and more come to memory. Here's the long list thus far, which includes this lil' old website here.