On Thursday we reported the death of Princeton lecturer Antonio Calvo, who committed suicide in the midst of a complicated game of academic politics. In the last 48 hours, articles in the New York Times and international media outlets have pushed campus conspiracy theories to a fever pitch. But we still have no real answer as to why the popular Spanish teacher lost his job—and why he chose to take his life.

The Washington D.C. police department used police cruisers as emergency vehicles at speeds of at least 80 miles per hour to escort Charlie Sheen from Dulles Airport in Virginia to his show in Washington, D.C. on April 19, 2011. Apparently, arriving in his private jet, Sheen was late for his performance and D.C.'s Homeland Security and Special Operations Division authorized and approved the high speed escort.

Textbooks cost way too much money, as any college student knows. Take Peter Lawrence's The Making of a Fly, which for a moment last week would have run you a cool $23,698,655.93 on Amazon.

GoDaddy generated a storm of controversy recently after the company's CEO, Bob Parsons, posted this horrific video online. But the company's also turned people off with its TV commercials and famously crappy service. Here's how to leave GoDaddy behind. [Lifehacker]

The internet has fallen in love with another video of a fight in a fast-food restaurant, this one of a nasty assault at a Rosedale, Md. McDonald's that culminates in the victim having a seizure. It's pretty awful!

Eliot Spitzer has found a new target. For much of the week Spitzer has been laser focused on revealing whether Donald Trump's finances are actually as good as he says they are.

Lindsay Lohan goes back to her old digs at Lynwood Correctional Facility. LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian surprise everyone. And the Royal Wedding won't be any fun at all. Welcome to Saturday gossip. No beer allowed.

Today we put our heads in our hands as Dilbert creator Scott Adams went further down the rabbit hole of stupidity by ineptly defending Gwyneth Paltrow, talking about privilege and opportunity and all that thorny stuff. What is it about privilege that makes talking about it so hard? Probably it's because lots of people don't know they've had it.

Even though the felony theft charge against Lindsay Lohan was reduced to a misdemeanor during a preliminary hearing earlier today, the judge did rule that the fallen starlet had violated her probation. And now Judge Stephanie Saunter has handed down her punishment, sentencing LiLo to 120 days in county jail.

A spring weekend is a nice time to walk around outside and see the buds on the trees. But screw that, it's also a good time to see movies! This week we have big African cats, big American elephants, and a big Atlantan.

Snooki is known for eating fried pickles and drinking sugary cocktails that come in glasses larger than her head—including the pouf (RIP)! Now we hear that she's on a diet to slim down for the next season of Jersey Shore. Say what?

Sunday is Easter, which means that today's the last day when you can go to the drug store and find a sprawling selection of the seasonal sweets that only Jesus' resurrection brings. Everyone has their favorite treat around this time of year, and your selection says a lot about you. Now is your time to head to CVS and get a bag or box of your candy of choice, because after tomorrow the "Easter Bunny" will have bought up all the goodies. But before you go for that sugar rush, let's take a look at what your selection means. [Photo above via Flickr]

Lindsay Lohan's preliminary evidentiary hearing has concluded, and the news is both good and bad.

Sen. Jon Kyl's famous lie that was "not intended to be a factual statement"—that abortion is 90% of what Planned Parenthood does, when in reality it's 3%—has been "revised" in the Congressional Record.

Everything Charlie Sheen touches turns to shit. After ambling about the country with his live show, Anyone Who Pays Money for This Gets What They Deserve, he has now launched an iPhone app.

William (put the periods in yourself if you want) of stink-pop band the Black Eyed Peas says the group doesn't perform their hit "My Humps" in concert anymore because they think it's silly. "It wasn't lyrical miracles," William said. Luckily "Don't Phunk With My Heart" remains in rotation. [NYM, photo via Getty]

People like to go to Hawaii. It's nicer there than where they live. When they go to Hawaii, they get guidebooks, and go to the places that the guidebooks recommend. Sometimes, some people fall down and get hurt at the places they read about in the guidebooks. How to solve this tourists-getting-hurt-sometimes problem? By making the guidebook people pay.

Happy Earth Day, everyone! The CIA wants you all to know that it is at the forefront of conservation by… shredding and burning documents. They sent out this official Earth Day press release highlighting its "sustainability and conservation initiatives":

"Donald has beautiful legs... Very long and beautifully shaped legs." — Donald Trump's current wife Melania, explaining how her husband could always slut his way into the Oval Office if necessary.

Remember that embarrassing PR email blast urging ladies to "Pamper yourself or your mom with the comfort she deserves this Mother's Day"? Turns out it was the error of the most tragic PR intern ever. PRNewser reports: