It's perfectly understandable for the news media to divert its attention to the killing of Osama bin Laden for a little while. You kind of have to cover it, at least perfunctorily. But we must not let it distract us from the important issues facing the country. Is any reporter even jotting down whatever nutty stuff Donald Trump has to say today?

Facebook will be worth $100 billion by the time it goes public, sources told the Wall Street Journal, after earning more than $2 billion this year before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization. Who knew Americans' personal information was so valuable?

The greatest benefit of the assassination of the world's most wanted terrorist: "a short-term psychological boost to financial markets." I mean, killing this dude is no "April non-farms payroll data," but we'll take what we can get.

Now that you know how Paris Hilton is reacting to Osama bin Laden's death, your next question must be, "But how is intellectual vanguard TMZ.com covering this momentous event?" Answer: with a presidential fuck poll.

Thank you to the producers at CBS' The Early Show for distilling the raid on Osama bin Laden's Pakistani compound into a hilarious, cheap and brief cartoon with all the visual sizzle of a computer game circa 1992. Watch the elite Navy SEAL "Team Six," sporting what appears to be World War II infantry garb, just walk right in and massacre everyone for a while. Anyone could have done this!

Last night as news of Osama bin Laden's death was announced to the nation, crowds in New York and D.C. rushed to Ground Zero and the White House to celebrate. Here are some photos of the revelry.

On May 1, CNN's Don Lemon interviewed Donald Trump about being the butt of jokes at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Afterwards, Gawker's Maureen O'Connor discussed Trump's role in pop culture and politics.

Of all the issues facing the naturist community, probably one of the biggest is they're all old and wrinkly now. The WSJ reports that the "nudist resort industry" is desperately seeking younger clientele. We need young naked bodies, at once!

Ding dong Bin Laden's gone, and I know what you're thinking: What does Paris Hilton have to say? And why did The Rock know about Bin Laden's death before everyone else did? Monday gossip has questions.

Osama Bin Laden was killed in a firefight with U.S. forces in Pakistan on Sunday. Here's the latest news: DNA confirmation hasn't been completed; the U.S. has a photo; inside Osama's compound, and more.

On what turned out to be the year's most patriotic weekend, Americans flocked in droves to go see a bunch of American meat-bodies zoom it up in another country. Some others went to go look at a fake bird in that same country, but mostly people watched the cars.

This famous lady has been diddling a female member of her entourage while on the road. This starlet is going claim drug addiction or mental illness to combat her latest scandal. Which one will she choose? It could go both ways.

Law school is a huge ripoff—a catch-all haven for slackers and the existentially aimless, where you'll go into a huge amount of debt in order to surround yourself with beer pong-players and cute little dogs, and emerge unemployable, with nothing to do with your worthless new skills except sue to try to get your law school tuition back. Now, we can add to that list: they'll bait-and-switch your ass out of scholarship money, on purpose!

The New York Times' stubborn use of honorifics—calling everyone by formal titles on second reference—is dumb. It's a goofy relic, and should be done away with. Done away with all at once. Not by withholding honorifics for people the editor doesn't like.

Pope Benedict XVI kicked an Australian priest to the curb for suggesting that women and married men should be eligible for ordination. Bishop William Morris was "removed from pastoral care" according to the Vatican. Papal progress!

Italian wax figure Silvio Berlusconi was in court today facing allegations of tax fraud — he had the day off from the other trial for allegedly playing "bunga bunga" with child prostitutes — when he invoked the death of Osama bin Laden as a reason to let him off the hook: "There is something which is not going in the right direction for a democracy to have government leaders humiliated by having to spend hours in court while these important international events are taking place."

Liberty County Sheriff's deputies yesterday raided a cockfighting operation in Dayton, Texas, after receiving an anonymous tip and when they arrived they found a children's party going on, with a waterslide and picnic table. The party scene, from MyFoxHouston:

Are you ready for round two of Royal Wedding Pandemonium: The Honeymoon? The Daily Mail breathlessly reports (read: likely fabricated) that it knows where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will spend their honeymoon, while even Kate herself doesn't know. Hint: It's an island in the Seychelles!

Sohaib Athar is a 33-year-old IT consultant with "18 years of programming experience and 7 years of parenting experience." He also live-tweeted the assault on Osama bin Laden's pleasure palace in Abbottabad, Pakistan without knowing at the time what was actually taking place. On his Twitter page, Athar writes that he's living in Abbottabad, "taking a break from the rat-race by hiding in the mountains with his laptops."

Police love to tout Tasers as "non-lethal" weapons. Oh, but sometimes they are lethal. Like early yesterday morning in Waterbury, Connecticut, when police arrested a man on a public disturbance call: