A Washington State Patrol trooper yesterday shot and killed a 500-lb pig that had "escaped through a broken back passenger window" of a minivan. Trooper Morgan Mehaffey saw the pig running on a sidewalk in Spokane Valley, so he corralled it with his cruiser, Tasered the hell of it, then shot its ass dead.
So far this year, the U.S. has had to shell out more than a billion dollars to deal with the aftermath of five weather disasters caused by Mother Nature—who seems to think we're made out of money or something. Typical woman.
Today in possible health issues of convenience, professional charity grifter Suzanne Mubarak — wife of deposed Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak — reportedly suffered a "heart attack" and fainted after being told she was to be questioned by the Illicit Gains Authority in connection with the wholesale robbery of Egypt. Funny, because Hosni had a "heart attack" during his first round of questioning. Now that's a coincidence.
Jesse James is still around. Nicollette Sheridan is still really upset about being fired from Desperate Housewives. David Arquette has "clean" hands. And Rupert Murdoch paid Sienna Miller for hacking her phone. Saturday gossip is all about payback.
Another weekend, another set of spring movies. This weekend sees the debut of a highly anticipated lady comedy, a less anticipated sad man indie, Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a wig, and Dax Shepard being Dax Shepard.
So, Michele Bachmann... she is probably just pretending to consider a run for president in order to raise PAC money? But maybe she's serious? We haven't conclusively determined where Bachmann's potential candidacy lands on the fake/real spectrum. But the murmurs are certainly helping her raise cash. And now she's introduced a tiered donation system in her latest email solicitation: $25 bucks for another House run, $50 "or $100" for a presidential run. Checkbooks out, chop chop!
It's Friday afternoon and if you're like me, this is a good time to stare at some shirtless men for no good reason. Yesterday Abercrombie & Fitch dispatched 101 hotties to the Champs Élysées (which is how you say "outdoor mall" in French) to celebrate the opening of its Paris flagship. That's at least 606 individual abdominal muscles! Never before have I ever wanted to be in a place so badly.
No sooner does a team of anonymous American heroes risk their lives in pursuit of a solemn oath of justice than a multinational cartoon corporation seeks to profit from it with shitty tchochkes. Two days after members of the Navy's SEAL Team 6 killed Osama bin Laden, Disney trademarked the name for use in, among other things, "Christmas tree ornaments."
Hey, terrorists! If you're considering blowing up New York but were worried about the NYPD's crack anti-terrorism team foiling your plot, don't worry: Here's what the largest police department in the country is on the lookout for. A blogger just found the plans in the trash.
I know you never thought it possible, but little Troy Bolton is about to get sexual and thrilling, all at once. Also today: tons of TV news about renewals and cancellations, plus a sexy little companion piece to the Efron news.
Former New York gubernatorial candidate Jimmy McMillan, who became a national sensation after saying "the rent is too damn high" many times in one debate last year, has concocted a clever self-marketing strategy. He takes his famous "the ___ is too damn high" formulation and fills the blank with whatever corporations pay him to fill it with.
What do you do when you want the world to know about the celebrity you creepily obsess about? Stamp their face on your arm, stomach, back or leg, obviously. Here are the best worst celebrity fan tattoos, people who permanently branded themselves with their fixations, and have absolutely nothing to regret. Because in 50 years, having a giant image of Criss Angel, Eminem, Avril Lavigne, Bono, or Clay Aiken will be just as cool as it is today, right?
In your finally Friday media column: Greta Van Susteren creeps about the globe, Joe Biden absolutely loves reporters, Arianna Huffington vs. the NYT continues mildly, a hot new journalism trend, and a NewsBeast departure.
