In honor of its thousandth tweet—and on the heels of compromising the websites of the CIA, US Senate, Sony, and more—the crew of the good ship LulzSec has presented the world with a manifesto of sorts. [Gizmodo]

All of them, probably. But according to ABC News' Brian Ross (in a report that has been confirmed elsewhere), a "hit list" including "a member of Congress, Pentagon officials, a conservative pundit, executives of an American company," and other targets has been circulating on jihadi web sites.

Huzzah, it's the first official promo ad for Keith Olbermann's new show on Current TV—premiering June 20! Finally, someone to dispel that "heavily biased, corporate-sponsored spin." Keith Olbermann, the Adbusters of millionaire cable news pundits. [via Daily Intel]

Though we are loath to continue pointing out the myriad ways in which the practice of law has become a degrading wallow in the depths of human desperation, we will simply note—for those of you keeping score in your law-school-graduation-present moleskines—that, thanks to a handy new website that allows you to order up a lawyer at any time of day or night, the legal profession has, at long last, become just as respectable as the fast food profession:

The office of Republican Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey is claiming that Fox News chairman Roger Ailes is a confidential adviser whose interactions with the governor should remain secret under New Jersey's executive privilege.

After we learned that Rebecca Black's "Friday" had been removed from YouTube due to a legal squabble, we vowed that today would be our last Friday ever. What's the point of living in a world without this video? But it's back, and better (?) than ever.

Kelsey Grammer pleads "hacker" after an evocative mass email about his ex-wife. Christina Aguilera's diva antics drive Adam Levine insane. Kim Kardashian lives vicariously through a tween. TGIFriday gossip.

The video of two guys exploring an empty Dallas airport exploded on the web after we posted it on Jalopnik yesterday, with many wondering if the video was real. We spoke with the film's two creators last night. [Jalopnik]

Sex-shamed congressman and budding amateur photographer Anthony Weiner is of course, following his resignation from the House of Representatives yesterday, considering his next move. Well, consider no further, sir! Entourage wants you.

This star is such a health nut that she has her kids on a diet and their school is complaining they're too skinny. This reality star knocked up a woman who is not his girlfriend. That's not healthy for anyone.

It wasn't that long ago that Washington, DC was just a normal American city, featuring a small cocoon of privileged white wonks surrounded by a seething and forcefully ignored black population. Standard stuff. But then the city was gobsmacked with a "young, hip vibe" that is in the process of turning the drab and nerdy confines of our nation's capital into a wacky blend of hip archetypes, each of which is good for at least one new Washington Post feature story. I mean, anarchist dog-walkers? It doesn't get any hipper!

Though New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser's primary fixation has always been kitties, she's long been a connoisseur of weiner, as well. Needless to say, she's quite broken up over the end of this Anthony Weiner story. Behold:

Several reporters have returned from Libya with tales of young gun-toting, hash-smoking rebels and really, can you blame these guys? By all accounts, the fighting in Libya is nasty and the alternative to victory over Qaddafi is death for most of them. But some rebels aren't feeling the front lines party vibe:

U2 guitarist The Edge wanted to build five mansions on a ridge overlooking Malibu, but a California Coastal Commission official called it "one of the three worst projects that I've seen in terms of environmental devastation." Ouch.

Sarah Palin appeared on Fox Business this evening for one of those interviews she's paid by Fox to make, and not surprisingly host Andrew Napolitano quickly asked the former Alaska governor what she thought of "pervert" Anthony Weiner's resignation. Palin's response is above, but needless to say she wasn't above a well-timed dick joke.

The manliest of all Russian men, Vladimir Putin, is taking some heat from Russian bloggers after he paid a visit to the city of Pskov. Just before his arrival, workers planted new lawns, painted some things and brought in new trash cans, then ripped the lawn up as soon as he left. The Telegraph explains the "Potemkin lawn":

By now you've probably seen footage of the hockey riot in Vancouver. And if you're from the US, you've probably said to yourself, "Damn, I didn't know they had it in them!" Thanks to a riot analysis from the Times we know that we could be dealing with a new, ultra-violent Canada. Here's your Vancouver hockey riot but what does it all mean? article:

The Manhattan district attorney's office yesterday filed a transcript of 17 statements made by Dominique Strauss-Kahn during and after his arrest on sexual assault charges last month. The Times has details of the statement, a voluntary disclosure form, that should be presented to defense attorneys. So, what were DSK's first hours in custody like? It took him a little while to really figure out what was going on:

What's worse than a story about how a group of children were fined $500 by Montgomery County for operating a lemonade stand without a permit outside the site of this weekend's US Open? How about the fact that they were going to donate their proceeds to a pediatric cancer-fighting charity? Don't worry, though, because all the middle-aged men charging $50 to park on their lawns are doing just fine. [via WUSA]

Fresh off an unsuccessful attempt to make circumcision illegal, San Francisco has turned elsewhere for its next attempted ban: Goldfish. The Animal Control and Welfare Commission would like to ban the sale of pets in the city, even goldfish. The proposed ban seems destined to fail a vote of the Board of Supervisors (just like the ACWC's recommendation to mix birth control with birdseed to reduce the pigeon population), but we appreciate that it was put forward in the first place, because "Isn't San Francisco Wacky, Man?" stories written by non-San Franciscans are among our favorites. [SFC]