El Brad Pitt was arrested on Wednesday in northern Mexico on suspicion that he leads the Juarez Cartel's armed wing. Pitt is accused of orchestrating car bombings and killing people on video. Oh, it's a different "Brad Pitt." Sorry!

At a book signing last month, Newt Gingrich was showered with glitter by a protestor who took issue with his anti-gay politics.

Here's a trailer—the last one ever—for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, which is also the last Harry Potter movie ever. Full of footage not seen in the film's first trailer a couple of months ago, this one—out a month before its July 15 release—will hopefully provide a temporary fix to Potter addicts as they await their final dance with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the gang. [via NYM]

A 21-year-old gentleman from Molalla, Ore., was caught peeing in one of Portland's major reservoirs (in Mt. Tabor Park, pictured), leading the city to drain the entire thing—all 7.8 million gallons—at a cost of more than $36,000. Of course an uncovered reservoir probably has a lot of gross things in it: Dead rodents, for example, and pee from other animals. And even if the guy had drunk an entire Big Gulp, we're talking at most about eight ounces of urine, in nearly 8 million gallons of water. Portland Water Bureau administrator David Schaff does not care: "Do you want to drink pee?" he asked The Oregonian. [Oregonian]

President Obama, who earlier in the week said that he would resign if he were then-Congressman Anthony Weiner, was a little bit kinder toward the now-unemployed junk-Tweeter in a new interview. He thinks Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin will "bounce back"!

Life is different near the center of the tech bubble. Facebook employees, due to earn staggering fortunes, are nevertheless sad. They'll have to wait six months for the money, you see.

Tonight's So You Think You Can Dance promised a "world exclusive" of the music video for Lady Gaga's new single, "The Edge of Glory," but it cut off after just a couple of minutes. Luckily, the video's full version is already online—and embedded above—for your enjoyment and/or criticism.

This photo, of two unidentified people (apparently) making out on the street surrounded by riot cops, is just about the only good thing to emerge from Vancouver's intense hockey riots, which erupted last night following the Canucks' Stanley Cup loss.

Today we read about a man who shot off his finger in an attempt to remove a wart. It's Red State Medicare! Dizzy8 offered a better solution:

America's one-time sweetheart is returning from a long hiatus with a sexy new project. Also today: Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin hook up under strange circumstances, Aaron Sorkin adds more actors to his news team, and the potential return of Dave Chappelle.

A Facebook source disputed a widely quoted report that showed the social network was losing active users in the U.S. Facebook is still cool, it swears!

Big Bear High School in California has recalled all of its students' yearbooks after it was discovered that photos of child porn were published in the yearbook by mistake. If students don't return the book, they'll be in danger of being arrested for possessing kiddie porn. Zoinks!

This little guy is being hand-raised by Australian zookeepers after having some difficulty with his mom. Watch him cuddle his stuffed friend. See him drink from a bottle with his weird little old-man face. Note that he has trouble retracting his tongue all the way into his mouth. Fall in love.

Oxy challenges! Dog watching! Jillian Michaels! School health-lunch! Sunscreen changes! Syphilis babies! Stroke prevention! Chantix problems! And people everywhere trying super workout programs! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—childishly!

Perhaps they're targeted because of their fame, or because they're just so fabulous that bitches are just jealous. But in reviewing the 60 lawsuits filed against Real Housewives, a common theme is they don't like to pay their bills. [Jezebel]

The National Enquirer's take on Anthony Weiner's long-awaited resignation? "Weiner Resigns After Enquirer's Cross-Dressing Photo!" Joining a media clusterfuck with an irrelevant, 25-year-old photograph the day before the scandal comes to an end has its perks, I guess.

In 2009 Rexburg, Idaho couple Ben and Amber Sessions purchased a house in the country thinking it would be the perfect spot to raise a family. That is until they noticed the snakes. The hundreds and hundreds of garter snakes that lived under the house.

In a preview clip from her upcoming comedy special Gurrl Down, Kathy Griffin takes on Bristol Palin's recent jaw surgery. Spoiler alert: Much like the rest of the world, Kathy doesn't believe the surgery was for "medical reasons."

According to a CIA spokeswoman, the Lulz Security hack attack that took down the CIA's public website for several hours yesterday was no big deal. But... what about cyberwar!

Republican presidential candidate and history buff Michele Bachmann has signed a deal with Penguin Group USA to write a memoir. It will be called America of Heart or Rogueish Goer or My Father's Flag or The Coming Battle With the Mormon Horde or somesuch and come out this fall, roughly one year before her election as 45th president of the United States.