An old man named Andrew Castle was sentenced to 10 years in jail for admitting he tried to kill his wife with a homemade electric chair after she asked for a divorce. From the Guardian:

Remember the guy who took the world's most expensive pee, 21-year-old drunk Oregonian Josh Seater? Well, how about instead of laughing at his misfortune you thank him for keeping America safe from goddamn terrorists hell bent on poisoning our water supply. This young man's pee has reignited the debate about the safety of our water supply.

Here's a video that TMZ obtained of a drunk-as-hell Snooki dancing with/humping a giant potted plant outside of a bar last Saturday in Seaside Heights, where she and the rest of the Jersey Shore cast are currently filming the show's fifth season. So yeah, do with it what you will, I guess? [via TMZ]

The Telegraph reports that News of the World phone hacker Glenn Mulcaire also has private information about families of dead British soldiers among his other creepy files. Oh, it just keeps getting worse.

During President Obama's "Twitter Town Hall" at the White House today, we learned he has more in common with George W. Bush than just the desire to prolong various wars in the Middle East. Because like Bush—who once demanded that "there's Internets" in every classroom—Obama also has a propensity for unnecessary pluralization.

Recently vindicated kidnap, rape and torture victim Elizabeth Smart has taken a job at ABC News, according to The Daily Beast, where she'll be a regular contributor to Good Morning America, and possibly other properties. But her own nine-month child abduction nightmare is behind her, an ABC spokesperson assures; this is all about Smart focusing on new child abduction nightmares.

Wipeout is a game show on ABC in which contestants tackle "the world's largest obstacle course" in the hopes of escaping with $50,000. More often than not, though, they leave with nothing but bumps and bruises. Watching these poor saps fall down in every way imaginable is the most entertaining thing about Wipeout, and viewers often wish the show contained nothing but the contestants' mishaps. Which is why Gawker video intern Daniel LeDonne took last week's new episode and edited it down to the most schadenfreude-heavy two minutes. Enjoy!

The media job market is the pits right now, there's no doubt about that, but there are jobs out there — you just have to know where to look! For example, JournalismJobs.com is currently listing this plum magazine assignment for any seasoned reporter:

Look who's back in the news! It's Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter, the psychopathic German flim-flam man who convinced all of New England society, including the woman who would become his wife and mother to his child, that he was an heir to the Rockefeller estate, as immortalized in the classic Lifetime movie, Mother, May I Sleep With Eric McCormack?

Is the date July 24th on your wall calendar covered in little pink bells and caterers' emergency cell numbers? Then you might be one of the thousands of New Yorkers expected to flood city offices that Sunday, looking to get hitched the second the state's gay marriage bill goes into effect. You've waited long enough — open them courthouse doors!

What do you get when you take Heidi Montag and Ashley Dupre, combine them with former Real Housewife Danielle Staub, mix in Sopranos star Vincent Pastore, and top it off with a dash of Three 6 Mafia? You get the cast of VH1's new restaurant-themed reality show, Famous Food, which will undoubtedly reach trainwreck status within minutes when it premieres on Sunday. The show's extended trailer is above. [via VH1]

A grizzly protecting her cubs attacked a couple at Yellowstone, killing the husband. It's the first fatal attack there in 25 years, but the third in the region this year. Officials say the bear "behaved normally" and wouldn't be killed.

Nine months after joining CNN—and six months after Kathleen Parker was dismissed as co-host—governor-cum-broadcaster Eliot Spitzer bid goodbye to viewers tonight after CNN announced earlier that it was canceling In The Arena.

President Obama has a wonderful, versatile voice, and it's a shame that it's wasted on things like convincing Democrats to cut Social Security. Luckily, musician and Something Awful forum poster Dan Warren has spent four years making sure that Obama's voice doesn't go to waste—cutting and editing snippets from the audio recording of his book Dreams From My Father into a... well, we're not sure. Performance piece? Spoken word recording?

Fatty foods, new research indicates, have affect your brain in a similar way to marijuana, activating brain chemcials called endocannabinoids that "produce a drug-like feeling." This feeling—like marijuana!—then encourages you to eat more fatty foods, of course.

Rich and poor, French and American, innocent and guilty, we all sometimes have a little bit of trouble with our keys sometimes. Most of us don't, however, have a troop of photographers willing to help you jiggle the lock a little bit—as former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn did in Tribeca.

Belated congratulations to Boynton Beach, Fla. police office David Britto, who was named "Officer of the Year" last year! It'll be nice for him to have that award on his mantelpiece to look at while he is on trial for selling meth.

The Pentagon says it will "immediately" comply with the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals' ruling that the military must lift its ban on openly gay service members. President Obama repealed the policy last year, though the repeal wasn't immediate. [NJ]

Today we were once again bemoaning that everything's broke and the future is doomed. This led to a discussion of economics and politics and whatnot, which led to a good joke. Here it is!

The most beautiful woman of the 1990s (in our humble opinion) is heading back into the acting game after a period of relative obscurity. Also today: Casting news from your favorite office, the return of Steve Sanders, and Glenn Close's Oscar chances.