Recently, the world was taken by the story of “Phuc Dat Bich,” an Australian man who claimed that nobody believed that his name was actually the vulgar phrase that he said it was. Phuc Dat Bich even provided a photo of a passport that showed his name to be “Phuc Dat Bich.” It had to be real!!!

Humans invented weapons in part to equalize the physical differences between us. That’s perfectly understandable. But does your weapon have to be a gun? Chill out. Jesus.

It is actually very sad that you may not be shocked to learn that America’s largest corporate employer used expensive private spies to surveil its own employees who had the audacity to ask not to be paid poverty wages.

At a campaign event in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, on Tuesday, Donald Trump, who has spent the past week advocating for a mandatory database of Muslim Americans, ushered his rabid supporters towards that old Tea Party favorite: President Barack Obama is a secret Muslim.

DNAinfo Chicago’s big scoop today was the sickening dashcam video of the murder of Laquan McDonald. Earlier this afternoon, they also released the charging documents, which lay out the case against Officer Jason Van Dyke.

In court on Monday, during a hearing in which his defense lawyers argued that, because she is an adult film actress, Christine Mackinday, or “Christy Mack,” couldn’t accuse their client of rape, Jonathan Koppenhaver, a mixed martial arts fighter who goes by “War Machine,” blew a kiss to the prosecutor.

“They were really upset...They see a drone in the air, they take it as a competitive predator, like another hawk that’s coming into their territory. And [the drone] doesn’t behave right and it doesn’t go away and they get more excited. And they were going after it.”

A Texas man, Raul Rodriguez, received a life sentence on Tuesday, after being convicted of murder on Friday, for the second time, ABC 13 reports. Rodriguez was first convicted in the shooting death of elementary school teacher Kelly Danaher in 2012, but an appeals court ordered a retrial.

A New York City postal worker has been charged with a hate crime for harassing a Muslim woman pushing her infant child in a stroller, according to reports.

Minneapolis police arrested two men Tuesday morning, the New York Times reports, in connection with a shooting late Monday during a Black Lives Matter demonstration protesting the police shooting of Jamar Clark. Five people were injured.

The Associated Press had a panel of experts grade statements made about climate science by the many, many people currently running for president. The results will absolutely not surprise you, but this is fun all the same.

Just hours after Officer Jason Van Dyke was charged with murder in the death of 17-year-old Laquan McDonald last year, Chicago police released dash-cam footage of the incident. Here is the video, via DNAinfo Chicago.

Thanks to an executive order from Kentucky Governor Steven Beshear today, 140,000 people convicted of nonviolent felonies in the state will have their voting rights restored, effective immediately. Previously, a felony conviction carried a lifetime voting ban in Kentucky.

It’s almost 2016, and with such little time left to complete new year’s resolutions from last year, your friends or loved ones might be finding themselves desperately looking to get in better shape. May you interest them in a holiday crash diet?

Congrats—you did it! In spite of some racially insensitive comments and “Can I touch your hair?” queries during February, you survived another tumultuous year as a Privileged American Man (I know, I know—I’m surprised, too). Sure, you lost a few friends and family members along the way, but such is life in a post-Rachel Dolezal World. Fortunately, Stanley, the black kid who lives two doors down, is still mostly cordial with you. Thus, to reward his continued friendship despite your continued ignorance, you’ve decided to be a pal and gift him some “pretty super stuff” (your words, not his). As the ancestors say: One man’s white guilt is another man’s good fortune.

There was surveillance footage of the fatal encounter between Chicago police officer Jason Van Dyke and a teenage suspect in the parking lot of a Burger King—until the cops came and a substantial portion of the video mysteriously vanished, a restaurant manager says.

Hillary Clinton spoke at an event in Boulder, Colorado earlier today, where she happily responded to a question about aliens from outer space. Are they real? Sure! What are their elections like? Some things are best left unknown.

Surprise: Kristin Cavallari’s friend and former Hills castmate Audrina Patridge got engaged to her longtime boyfriend Corey Bohan over the weekend.

Amid invasive bugs and changing consumer tastes, Florida’s orange harvest this year is the smallest one in 50 years. There’s only one thing to do about this.

The country of Tunisia is under a state of emergency with a curfew imposed on its capital city after at least 12 people were killed during an afternoon bombing that appeared to target a bus carrying members of the presidential guard.