The human buoys over at Fox News' morning brain drain Fox & Friends were doing a little of this earlier today and discussing an educational video shown to kids by the Department of Education in which beloved character SpongeBob Squarepants learns about human-made global warming.

There are tons of time-lapse videos on the internet—you know, the ones in which everything is sped up over a dramatic soundtrack—but many of the ones we've seen have been set in New York. Here's one that finally does L.A. some justice.

Congressional Republicans have become quite talented at taking legislative "hostages" at crucial junctures, making extreme demands, unifying behind them, and ultimately rolling Democrats into embracing horrible pieces of legislation. Maybe it's time for Democrats to come up with a plan for this sort of thing. So are they? Sorta.

For many sports fans, Bubba Smith, who died yesterday at the age of 66, was the legendary defensive end for the Baltimore Colts. But for movie buffs, he'll always be remembered as Moses Hightower, the most badass member of the Police Academy squad. Here are some of his most memorable moments from the classic comedy franchise.

Facebook has gotten pretty good at filtering garbage out of people's "News Feeds." Too good, as far as advertisers are concerned: They want the garbage put back, so they can spam people, and logically Facebook is complying.

In your simmering Thursday media column: Rick Sanchez pipes up again, CNBC's bizarre PR scandal, James Risen's judicial defender speaks, News Corp is flooded with lawsuits, and the WaPo's punchy editor is retired.

The hacktivists of Anonymous are often dismissed as unskilled noobs. But now the Department of Homeland Security has called out Anonymous as "script kiddies" with rudimentary hacking skills. Oh no they didn't.

"In a startling new development," the National Enquirer writes, "[we have] learned that Chris Hansen had a SECOND mistress—a sexy Hollywood stripper." Low threshold for startle, I see.

Hats off to Sunland Park, New Mexico Mayor Martin Resendiz, for making the useless invalids in Washington look vaguely — vaguely — competent in comparison! Because it turns out that Mayor Resendiz only signed those nine contracts with the company that is now suing his city for seven figures because he was really, really drunk.

The Today Show discussed "sugar babies" today, young hotties who date rich old guys for money. Rich old guy Donny Deutsch is in favor of the phenomenon. His impassioned defense transforms Star Jones into a kettle of boiling water, steaming and screaming in horror.

Here's just the latest sign that our campaign finance laws are healthy in every way the Founding Fathers could have imagined: A secret company that no one knows anything about has given Mitt Romney's SuperPAC $1 million and quickly dissolved into nothingness. The folks behind this fly-by-night operation are probably relaxing on a beach in Mexico by now! Oh man.

Regardless of whether he's guilty of allegedly raping a hotel maid, Dominique Strauss-Kahn should probably be kept away from all women, forever. His conduct was so ridiculous that Air France reportedly ordered an all-male flight crew to wait on DSK.

Droopy renaissance man Zach Braff wrote a new play called All New People that's currently running off-Broadway, and New York Magazine's theater critic Scott Brown really did not like it. His review was scathing, but hilariously so! Everyone loved it! Well, almost everyone. Braff's friend, Scrubs and Cougar Town guru Bill Lawrence, is not happy about it at all.

The day's not even halfway over, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average has already dropped more than 300 fucking points, close to 3% of its value. The Nasdaq is down more than 3% as well. What's the problem? Fear of a looming double-dip recession. (What's "looming" is the second dip.) Haha, have you been missing 2009? Perhaps we'll get to live it all over again!

America! What is wrong with you? Despite the fact that Wal-Mart is the only store of any size left in your post-apocalyptic economically decimated little towns, Wal-Mart's sales have been falling for two years now. Important update: it's getting worse!

George Clooney's rumored rebound fling could fling him across the room. Carey Mulligan gets engaged. Kim Kardashian emulates Kate Middleton. Hugh Hefner planks. Demi Lovato credits her success to Barney the dinosaur. Thursday gossip dominates.

Here's a trailer for The Darkest Hour, a Russia-set thriller about an alien invasion. Ho hum, more aliens, right? Wrong! These are a different kind of alien, in that we can't see them.

CNN is reporting a possible armed man on Virginia Tech's campus, the site of the 2007 massacre that left 32 dead. The campus is on lockdown as police search for a man possibly carrying a handgun. The good news: Class isn't in session.

Food snobs themselves may ultimately provide some trickle-down benefits to the public at large—for example, you can buy "chipotle" flavored Tostitos now. But child foodies provide nothing of benefit to anyone. Just heartache and misery, to all of us. So restaurants: please do not encourage them.

This television favorite has a thing for men who were born women—or is it women who were born men? Another actress criticizes her ex to the press, but then still booty calls him. Guess they're going through a transition.