On Wednesday, Ted Cruz had the worst night of his life—and Donald Trump made sure of it.

Welcome to day three of the Republican National Convention—otherwise known as Ted Cruz’s living nightmare. Friends, it’s going to be a beautiful night.

On Wednesday, WSVN aired a cell phone video reportedly taken moments before caregiver Charles Kinsey was shot by North Miami police. In it, Kinsey, who survived, can be seen lying on the ground with his hands raised, explaining that he and the autistic man he was assisting are unarmed.

CLEVELAND — As we all know, the Kanye West/Taylor Swift “Famous” fiasco reached new heights on Monday when Kim Kardashian released footage of Swift signing off on the supposedly offending lyrics. And ever since, the entire country has been waiting with bated breath for Senator Rick Santorum to finally break his silence on the matter. However, as Gawker uncovered earlier today—Rick Santorum is a coward.

Tonight, Ted Cruz will get onstage at the Republican National Convention and say nice things about Donald Trump, a man who spent the last year humiliating him, his family, and every thing he’s ever stood for.

CLEVELAND — Late on Wednesday afternoon, on the doorstep of the Republican National Convention, a small group of unassuming communists pulled black shirts out of their bags and over their heads, locked arms, and made a small, circular space for a flag burning.

“It was easy to come out as trans, it was harder to come out as a Republican,” said Caitlyn Jenner, earlier today, at the RNC’s “Big Tent” LGBT brunch held by the American Unity Fund. No shit, Shirley.

This week, Republicans descended on Cleveland, and so did tons of strippers. I am one of them. It’s well known that Republicans make it rain, and girls like me make the quadrennial pilgrimage to the Republican National Convention anticipating a big haul. As the city’s police shored up jail cells and fenced in containment zones, and the local judges put all hands on deck for 10-hour shifts, the strip clubs, too, extended their operating hours and liquor service, to ready themselves for the RNC. This week, I’ll be bringing you news from the poles—Cleveland’s last refuge from actual news—and meeting members of the porn-fearing party who stuff taxpayer dollars into g-strings while the world burns down. (Read part two here.)

Last night, as CNN’s cameras panned to Eric and Ivanka Trump, who were sitting together in a VIP box watching their half-sister Tiffany give a touching speech about a man who’s been like a father to her, a familiar-looking pate flashed by. Was it Walter Palmer, the dentist who murdered Cecil the Lion, or someone else entirely?

One of the more surreal elements of the RNC in Cleveland is the array of state and law enforcement agencies that have traveled from around the country to be here. Mass Appeal has a photo spread of 20 or so different uniforms from around town, to give you an idea of what it’s like.

CLEVELAND — On Wednesday, a coalition of leftist groups, led by organizers from the Latinx group Mijente, raised a handmade wall—a series of long, spray-painted, cloth signs held aloft, stretching, in segments, several hundred (and maybe thousands) of feet across—in front of the Republican National Convention. This made life very difficult for delegates trying to get in or out of the Quicken Loans Arena.

“It’s the most anti-LGBT platform in history,” said Gregory T. Angelo of the 2016 Republican Platform, which was released in its entirety on Monday. That’s quite an admission coming from the president of the best known gay conservative group in the country, the Log Cabin Republicans. Indeed, this year’s platform—which, it bears noting, Donald Trump is under no obligation to uphold as the presumptive GOP presidential nominee—is totally gay for anti-LGBT legislation.

Are you planning to retire with a pension? I’m sorry to hear that.

CLEVELAND — Trump eats farts lol.

The Azure Rooftop Lounge sits atop a twelve-story luxury hotel, and because this is Cleveland, not Manhattan, those twelve stories get you a practically unadulterated view of the city and surrounding areas. Long after the open bar had closed at BuzzFeed’s “Red White and Blacklisted” RNC party last night, a fellow journalist pointed out a column of flame poking into the sky, far out toward the horizon. I’m not sure where it was coming from—an oil refinery, probably—but it felt like an appropriately cheap symbol for the night.

Pavel Sheremet, a renowned journalist for Ukraine’s top news site Ukrainska Pravda, died in an apparent car bombing earlier today, the AP reports.

The Trump campaign today offered a speechwriter as sacrifice for Melania Trump’s plagiarized speech. But in explaining how she, and she alone, ruined the convention, the speechwriter also confirmed that not only was the speech intentionally lifted from Michelle Obama’s address but that Melania was fully aware she was speaking the First Lady’s words.

Stock analysts have upgraded their projections for Papa John’s, based on the rationale that “diners, concerned about political and civil unrest, are choosing to stay home for pizza delivery rather than head out for a meal.”

As you might imagine, for Barack, running for president is nothing compared to that first game of basketball with my brother, Craig.