Did you know that the real reason Occupy Wall Street protesters hate banks is that they're anti-Semitic loons? Yep, just look at this video of a completely representative Wall Street protester that the National Review discovered down in Manhattan's Zuccotti Park.

Thanks to a deft culling of the herd, there are only two Real Housewives of New York left to terrorize the Big Apple and they're being rewarded with a healthy raise. It seems like they're actually going to make some real money now.

Good news! Drunk driving is down 30% over the last five years. Bad news! It's probably because we're all too broke to leave the house. Instead of wasting precious fuel to drive to bars and pay $4 for Bud Light, we're staying home with the lights off, drinking homemade prune wine, and sniffing kerosene. Apparently the way you'll know the economy is moving again is when you get T-Boned by a black-out drunk in a '70s Pontiac.

Donald Rumsfeld, who during his time in the Bush White House labeled Al Jazeera Arabic "vicious, inaccurate and inexcusable," made news last week by praising the English network, saying he's now "delighted you are doing what you are doing." That was in an interview with David Frost. But he held another interview with the network that day that's just coming to light! It is truly something else, meaning it's scary and contentious.

At 8:35PM GMT, respected British news source The Daily Telegraph broke news in its Amanda Knox liveblog: "Thanks to the wonders of modern technology we can see that Knox's plane is currently over Canada's Auyuittuq National Park on planefinder.net."

A great many Apple fans are hot and bothered that no iPhone 5 emerged today to fill the void in their souls. But you know who should really feel dejected? All the tech bloggers who wasted time typing bold proclamations about new features, designs and phones that never came.

Addiction vaccine! HIV contraceptive! Lazy walkers! Alien snails! Autism therapy! Pregnancy diet! Drunk driving! Sun vitamins! And Alzheimer's is already creeping into you, right now! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—strenuously!

The internet is full of depressing things. Sometimes it's snuff films. Sometimes it's racism. And sometimes it's Brides.com's bizarrely retro "Waiting for the Ring" forum, where unmarried women come together to beat their breasts and keen while waiting for men to propose marriage.

Joe Biden has finally chimed in on Occupy Wall Street! Mostly by confusing it with a Van Jones-led conference in D.C. and then not knowing that Van Jones, the former White House "green jobs czar," used to work for him. Perhaps it's time for a little "What's Going On With The Left" clarification session.

With the advent of Pajama Jeans, I was worried about the trend of Americans wearing their sleepwear outside of the house. But something far worse than Pajama Jeans has happened: fashion designers are trying to make this a trend! This is very, very bad.

The world's premier gambling event, the announcement of the Nobel Prize in Literature, happens on Thursday. Who's gonna win? Bob Dylan? (No.) Here are your betting odds!

A helicopter has crashed in the East River. Three people are reportedly trapped and NYPD rescuers are in the water.

Newt and Callista Gingrich, authors of creepy children's elephant porn, love the comedy film The Hangover enough to see it seven times. It's "totally stupid, but we can't help ourselves," said Gingrich, who is allegedly running for president.

In your majestic Tuesday media column: Justin Rocket Silverman strikes a pose, Michael Wolff is still alive, the WSJ is doing fantastic, Robert Mackey boomerangs back to the NYT, and Dealbook hires some kid.

Last night's installment of Vincent Price's House of Waxxx introduced us to a ghoulish new character and further developed another recent addition. It's getting crowded up in here!

There's an interesting little riddle under discussion in Washington, DC right now: Why did a former senior ACLU lawyer decide he didn't like working for Facebook's lobbying operation? I mean, isn't Facebook known for safeguarding individual liberty and privacy at any cost?

Breaking break-up news! Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio confirm that, after five months of heavily photographed Monte Carlo yacht parties and romantic strolls in Venice, they have split. So long, Bleo. You never even walked a red carpet together, Blardo. [Us, image via Bauer-Griffin]

In June, Alabama passed a law designed to punish adult illegal immigrants, minor illegal immigrants, and American children who made the error of being born to illegal immigrants. Last week, a federal judge upheld key portions of the law, and it's already starting to work! Alabama seems... cleansed.

Last night I was...well, I wasn't busy at all, but I didn't want to watch the sad, boring thing that is The A List. Dustin and Jayden were at the opening of a new country-themed gay bar Flaming Saddles, and here is what they had to say about the show.

NBC has pulled the plug on The Playboy Club after last night's episode only attracted about 3.2 million viewers. It was the first show from the fall season to get the ax. Like we didn't see that coming.