Yo. Sup? Cool. Anyhoo, a rabbinical Ralph Fiennes told a crowd at the BFI London Film Festival that modern language "is being eroded" due to "a world of truncated sentences, soundbites and Twitter." #whatever #shutupvoldemort

Happy Pre-Halloween-Weekend Eve! Why not spend it with us, watching a pumpkin-colored Michael Kors and his fellow judges crown this season's Project Runway champion? The season finale is nigh, and we're live-blogging it in the comments. Join us!

Today we learned something that most of us probably already knew: Starbucks bathrooms are vile garbage cans full of semen and shit. But it's not all fun and games for the ambitious Starbucks defiler; some have lofty goals and dreams like the serial masturbator named Mister PeePee who's taken to Twitter to share his aspirations with the world. But one commenter was not fooled.

You might think Insane Clown Posse's people—known as the Juggalos—are just a group of face-painting teenagers who wonder how magnets work. Not so, says the FBI's 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment. To the feds, Juggalos are a "loosely-organized hybrid gang" that are "forming more organized subsets and engaging in more gang-like criminal activity."

Facebook is getting complicated. The social network just introduced the category of "trusted friend," not to be confused with the prior categories of "close friends," "acquaintances," "restricted" buddies, and authorized stalkers. Trusted friends are like super-friends. They have special powers!

Legendary Lawrence of Arabia actor Omar Sharif slapped a fan at the Doha Tribeca Film Festival in Qatar. (Wouldn't exporting a festival named after a neighborhood sort of defeat the purpose?) Sharif is posing for pictures when the woman steps up to have her picture taken with him, at which point the 79-year-old slaps her and shouts:

Oh no: violent protesters! An NYPD police association is threatening lawsuits against protesters who assault police officers and is warning of "growing violence," even as Occupy Wall Street has proven its non-violence time and again.

Thanks to that little European bailout agreement, the markets went absolutely bazonga today! The Dow's up nearly 3%! The Nasdaq was up 3.3%! The S&P was up 3.4%! At this rate, all your investments will have doubled by Thanksgiving! Can't we bail out Europe every day?

Laura Chavez, a 60 year-old New Mexican, was drinking and playing a nice game of Monopoly with her grandson and her boyfriend, Clyde "Butch" Smith. When Chavez suspected Smith of cheating, she sent her grandson to bed and proceeded to hit Smith over the head with a bottle and then stabbed him repeatedly with a kitchen knife.

The Texas Tea Party Patriots, using what must be an alternative pricing model, will charge $200 for general admission to its upcoming "modified Lincoln-Douglas style debate" between Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain.

Marian Thompson, the widow of an exotic pet enthusiast who unleashed 56 dangerous animals into Zanesville, Ohio before committing suicide, wants her leopards back.

A majority of unemployed Americans say they're confident that they'll find a job in the next year—a better job, at that. Meanwhile, college grads as a group are despondent over their own economic prospects. Now: considering the state of college in this country, we hesitate to make too much out of a college education. But when all the people who may have actually taken an economics class are the most pessimistic, we'd gently suggest that that's a bad sign. Perhaps the unemployed should tone down that optimism just a bit.

Now that Glenn Beck's revival show is out of the picture, there's room for another gauzy, revanchist "movement" at Fox News. And it looks like it will be led by corrupt falafelist Bill O'Reilly. His corporation has trademarked the phrase "Restore the USA" for use on key chains, coffee mugs, and t-shirts.

Occupy Wall Street has engaged the fictional one percent: Mogulite reports that protesters disrupted Gossip Girl's downtown set last night, yelling "Join us!" as they marched by.

According to Wendy Williams and this other lady whose parents must be very proud of her for becoming a "pet fashion stylist," it is very trendy and important to dress your dog up for Halloween because there are a lot of events you both should be attending.

The thing about the big Steve Jobs book is that its cover is very.... intense. Steve, he watches you. You want to flip it over, constantly. Or make a blog like Watched By Steve, about the hardcover's discomfiting ubiquity. [via]

The immediate question everyone asked when hearing Dr. Seuss' classic The Lorax would be a full-length movie was how are they going to pad out a tiny book to make a full-length feature? Turns out by adding some Zac Efron and Taylor Swift.

UPDATED Is this a typo? Please say this is a typo. Middleton-approved fashion house Temperley London is selling "Latino Leather Trousers" on its website. Production description:

The National Review has discovered the most comical of ways to celebrate our nation's holy day, Halloween: Writing a special Halloween-themed column about how liberals are pussies! "How to Scare a Liberal to Death," is the column from real person "H.W. Crocker III," who's put together a list of the best old-timey aristocratic conservative costumes to scare your precious liberal friends.

In your misty Thursday media column: NBC's newsmagazine will be like every other newsmagazine show, a lawsuit against HuffPo goes forward, the WaPo's chairman leaves, the NYDN screws up, and a press release newswire war.