Many years from now, when you've settled down with a nice girl and stopped drinking the beer and being rowdy with the fellas and harassing bitches (but only the ones who wanted it), your young daughter, who was just perusing some old historical documents, will come to you and ask, with childlike wonder: "Daddy? What's a bro?"
Christmas is around the corner! Have you caught the Christmas spirit yet? No? Yeah, me neither. It's okay, though: we've collected the our favorite weird, gory, depressing and otherwise deeply creepy Christmas carols for your listening, um, enjoyment.
Faith and begorrah, my ancestors on the Emerald Isle have finally launched their own version of Jersey Shore and it is something else. It's the same bad behavior with a fraction of the budget and way more brogues. How can we get this in America?
Last week, national experts traveled to Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto, California, to convey hotly anticipated knowledge to the social network's engineers. The computer programmers "listened intently," according to a reporter who was present, to explanations of compassion, tact, sensitivity, and the psychological differences between children and adults. So it was that, nearly eight years after the world's biggest social network began, Facebook learned some basic social skills.
After every Republican presidential candidate except Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum dropped out of his debate, chronic mango-lacquered television ailment Donald Trump has decided to drop the whole thing. But "near-total lack of interest from the invitees," you won't be surprised to learn, is not the reason he gives. He is suddenly concerned about conflicts of interest, such as him running for president later on. Very reasonable. Hmm.
You would think that the AP would be satisfied with its status as "last remaining source of non-local 'news' for 95% of American newspapers." But no! Now they want to be kings of the internet, and whatnot, as well.
Well, here's some "good" news: cops found the skeletal remains of Shannan Gilbert, the 24-year-old sex worker whose disappearance led to the discovery of ten, apparently serially-killed, bodies on Gilgo Beach in Long Island! And, even, uh, "better" (?), it looks like her death was an accident!
Strategists at noted Birther hive WorldNetDaily flew a banner over Cowboys Stadium this weekend asking, "Where's the real birth certificate?" Thankfully, the 90,000+ fans weren't able to see this embarrassing display through the stadium's closed retractable roof, sparing WorldNetDaily even further shame. [via Wonkette]
Last night Adrienne Maloof got her Bravo sponsored commercial for her Vegas property, The Palms, and Lisa Van der Pump got sweated on by a male stripper. If only what happened in Vegas stayed there, but it leaked all over our television screens.
Let us thank the Obama campaign's senior strategist David Axelrod for this sterling metaphor today, regarding Newt Gingrich's anus — something we'll see more of as the primary season lingers on.
Let's all let out the deep breaths we've been holding in anticipation of the G.I. Joe sequel (wouldn't it be great if this was actually a G.I. Jane sequel? Wait, would it? We'll never know!). Yes, it is here and it looks, I don't know, violent? Action packed? Explosive? It's certainly got all the trimmings of a summer blockbuster flick. There's a ninja sword fight on the face of a mountain. Cue the exclamation points.
Lindsay Lohan's Playboy issue hits newsstands this week, amid widespread disappointment. Over the last six years, every part of Lindsay has been photographed repeatedly. (Her latest nip slip occurred this morning.) Now presenting Lindsay Lohan: A Portrait of the Starlet as the Sum of Her Private Parts. NSFW after the jump.
Great news from the official top paper of historical world record, import, & fame, &c., the New York Times: former executive editor Bill Keller won't use "illegals" to refer to illegal immigrants in his profound-ish columns! What's the big deal? Perhaps that he was using it left and right in his column the other day and everyone got mad at him for this? Indeed, it is so.
Whoops! Remember when Rupert Murdoch's News of the World was revealed to have illegally listened to the voicemails of teen murder victim Milly Dowler? And how the bastards actually erased the voicemails, leading Dowler's family to falsely believe that their little girl was still alive and checking her messages? And how Murdoch killed off NOTW in shame and a panicked attempt to avert scandal when it all came out? Well, there's a slight wrinkle.
Bridget Jones is selling her pile of rubble in Connecticut for $1.5 million. I kid! This home is beautiful and the most sensible thing for us to do is to pool our money together and buy this place. Would you get a look at that pool!
