This actor spent too much money trying to look rich and now his lights are going to be shut off. This celebrity hired a surrogate and she's living on the "Lower West Side" of Manhattan. Does that exist? This actress fed homeless people at her house. Maybe she can take in that deadbeat actor.
Are you married? Sucker. I mean, congratulations. Sucker. In olden times men and women would agree to be joined in matrimony forever—the men receiving a regular source of sexual congress and a valuable allegiance to powerful land-owning families in nearby regions, and the women receiving a new pot and pan. Today: married people are nearly a minority. So close!!!!
Is Morning Joe the most offensive morning news and talk show on cable television? Seriously, it's like you can't turn it on without catching something vulgar and indecent. Just watch this video: Harold Ford is presented as an intelligent, thoughtful person with valuable and considered opinions. Children watch this show! What if my kid comes home and starts imitating these people? Maybe you want a nation of tiny Mark Halperins running around—I, for one, do not.
Trump fired himself as moderator from his own debate and this incurred that wrath of Stephen Colbert. Because they are "best friends," this allows Colbert to call Trump a "boob" and "the product of a sex between a tangelo and old dish rag." That's the thing about best friends — they know you better than anyone.
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a look at the controversy surrounding TLC's new show, All American Muslim, and the Tampa-based group that hates it. Because the Muslims depicted in the show aren't shown to be terrorists bent on destroying America, the Florida Family Association can't abide it. Like most zealots, all they want is their stereotypes reinforced. Is it too much to ask for Bravo to whip up a season of the The Real Martyrs of Jalalabad? Sheesh.
We've already offered you a selection of highly annoying gift ideas for the parent you'd like to drive slowly insane, but now we up the ante every so slightly: Here is our guide to toys that will inflict actual injury upon children you absolutely can't stand, free from worry of prosecution. (Conversely, you may actually want to avoid these toys, many of which have been identified by consumer watch lists as the most dangerous of 2011.)
Steve Jobs could fairly be remembered as either a madman or as a business deity. If this seven-foot-tall, 485-pound bronze statue out of Hungary is any indication, he'll be worshipped as the latter rather than mocked as the former.
News 9 weatherman Ashton Altieri must have practiced congratulating his colleague Corey Rose on a major victory by her beloved Indiana team a dozen times: Great job by the Hoosiers, Corey. Be specific Congratulations on the big win by the Hoosiers, Corey. Make it more personal. Congratulations to your Hoosiers, Corey. I got this. Congratulations on your big win, Corey. Hoosiers. Congratulations on your big Hoosiers win, Corey. I'm gonna do great. Hoosiers. I'm a star. Let's roll camera.
Thrown off a plane. Subject to a proposed boycott. And now this, a final humiliating insult to Alec Baldwin, for playing an iOS app when he shouldn't have: The Federal Aviation Administration says the actor's airline nemeses can use iPads in flight, even while prohibiting Baldwin from doing the same thing.
President Obama set another horrifying legal precedent today, by messing around with that most important of statutory laws: The 2005 Presidential $1 Coin Act, which "requires the U.S. Mint issue new presidential $1 Coins with the likeness of every deceased president." The White House announced today that the U.S. Mint would no longer make these coins for general use, since it's a silly vanity project that no one cares about.
Russ Stanton is stepping down as editor of the LA Times, a job he's held for the past four years, through some of the shittiest layoff-plagued times in the history of the newspaper industry, and under the ownership of the thoroughly incompetent Tribune Co. He'll be replaced by Managing Editor Davan Maharaj. Perhaps the biggest story here is how small of a story this is, in 2012.
Remember Matisyahu, the Hasidic rapper? Or, I guess, reggae singer? You know, the guy with the big beard? Had that one song? Kinda big on the jam-band circuit for a minute in the mid-2000s? Got it yet? Well, he shaved his beard today and posted a photo on Twitter. And then he posted this to his website:
Here is the trailer for the adaptation of Adam Shankman's'80s musical, Rock of Ages, and holy hell guys, what is going on here? Alec Baldwin in a mop-wig. Tom Cruise in a mop-wig that harkens back to a time in which he was inviting us to respect the cock. Paul Giamatti looking, well, sparse as usual. This trailer is flat out bonkers and frankly, I could not be more excited for this beautiful disaster.
