A 40-year-old woman from Altoona, Pennsylvania was recently arrested for drunk driving after she tried (or, perhaps more tellingly, after she failed) to seduce a state trooper. And now you want some details, right?

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert told a personal story that elucidated everything that is right with America: on his way into work this morning, he captured a dude popping wheelies on his motor bike while driving through the Lincoln Tunnel. It's an amazing personal testament to all that is right with our fair nation and all that is dangerous about driving while shooting video with your iPhone.

Jon Stewart gets a lot of emails from President Obama, as many people do, and he's kind of had it with them. As explained on tonight's Daily Show, everything is wrong with them and the overly friendly subject lines and the constant asking for money can snowball kind of quickly into something else entirely.

College acceptance letters have begun rolling out for the class of 2016 and, as Steve Cohen of The Daily Beast notes, things are looking especially bleak for so-called "unhooked white girls."

What's new with notorious mass murderer Charles Manson? Not much. He's 77 now. Still in prison. The California department of Corrections has released an updated mugshot in advance of his 12th parole hearing next week. He probably won't attend (hasn't gone to one since 1997) and he certainly won't get parole.

The nation's least populous town sold at auction for $900,000 today. Everyone who lived in the town is moving to Windsor, Colorado. (It was just one guy. He lived there alone.)

In response to our Toddlers & Tiaras post from earlier today, we received two emails within two minutes of each other from someone purporting to be Wendy Dickey, the pageant mom we wrote about. (Her Gmail picture is one of all of her kids. I recognized them from the show. If it's not her, it's someone really dedicated to impersonation.)

When I watched Making the Boys, the documentary about Mart Crowley's seminal gay play Boys in the Band and its film adaptation, from which the clip above was pulled, I was a little horrified to see Christian Siriano conflating his ignorance with cuteness. (I'll concede that getting goofy could be his way of dealing with embarrassment, and it seems very gotcha of director Crayton Robey to spring this question without checking first if this small, smirking haircut of a human was familiar with the subject of his doc.) Regardless, don't do this. Don't neglect the work that helped facilitate the increasing levels of public acceptance you experience, and don't act like it's funny when you do. Don't be a Christian.

Important update on The Date of the Century: After their movie date to The Hunger Games last night—but before the sleepover that led to a Pizza Goat-approved lunch date and shopping trip—Kim Kardashian and Kanye West stayed "as close and intimate as they could" at Sleep No More, that interactive theater thing with the naked people and sex masks.

In 1857, in the midst of the greatest political strife a young nation had yet known, a group of prominent intellectuals and activists — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., and Harriet Beecher Stowe, among others — gathered together to create a New England literary magazine: The Atlantic. For more than a century, it was a leading voice for progressive causes, from abolition to civil rights, and a platform for some of the country's greatest literary voices. Today, it published a rage comic. "Props on the rage comic, Atlantic!" writes Newsweek.

"Operation: Game Over"—an initiative undertaken by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman—recently purged over 3,500 registered sex offenders from online gaming sites. Sexual predators are using voice and text chat functions on the interactive games to troll for victims. One 19-year old Monroe county man pled guilty to sexual abuse charges after luring a 12-year old boy to his apartment; they met on XBox Live. The initiative was backed with widespread support from the gaming industry, with Microsoft, Apple, Blizzard Entertainment, Electronic Arts, Disney Interactive Media Group, Warner Brothers and Sony participating in the plan.

"We seem to have gotten a donation of Tyra Banks' 'fantasy novel' Modelland," New York City's famous Housing Works Bookstore writes on its Tumblr, "with one copy for Ashley Olsen and one for Mary-Kate Olsen." It's very nice of them to call it a "donation," but the fact that the books still have their Post-It dedications inside makes us wonder if they were ever even cracked open. "So excited to share my fantasy novel, Modelland, with you. I hope you enjoy it!" both notes begin. "SMIZE!" she writes to Ashley; "Stay fierce and fabulous," she advises Mary-Kate. Housing Works is selling both for $100.

Randi Zuckerberg has been awarded a Bravo reality show, a show that will follow young people trying to become "Silicon Valley's next great success stories." The mere existence of the program shows how the myth of golden opportunity in the Valley is, once again, far surpassing reality. But beyond that, the show's a clear signal that ridiculous, highly public interpersonal drama will continue to swirl around the Zuckerberg clan for some time to come.

TMZ is doing minute-by-minute coverage of Kim Kardashian's 24-hour date with Kanye West. With news this big, I do feel it is my obligation as a journalist to help disseminate the fact that Kim and Kanye just finished eating lunch at Serafina, a restaurant the Amazing Pizza Goat once enjoyed. Then they got into a chauffeured car and went to FAO Schwartz.

"When you become famous, you've got like a year or two where you act like a real asshole," Bill Murray told Tom Shales and James Miller when they interviewed him for Live from New York, their oral history of Saturday Night Live. "You can't help yourself. It happens to everybody. You've got like two years to pull it together — or it's permanent." He was talking, of course, about Chevy Chase, his opponent in a famous backstage fistfight. The two are friendly now, and it seems as though Murray wanted to imply that Chase had "pulled himself together" following his sudden rise to fame.

After banning children from First Class cabins last year, Malaysia Airlines has now banned humans under the age of 12 from its upstairs Economy class cabins, as well.

L.A.-based leftfield soul singer Georgia Anne Muldrow's collaboration album with beat genius Madlib, Seeds, is so fucking good. It's a collection of terrific songs that are well said, well sung and often anchored by boom-bap breaks. (Why don't more contemporary R&B singers work with vintage-sounding break beats? It's such an easy trick and the result is a terrific unclogging of the block waveforms we've come to accept.) "Best Love" intersects disco and hip-hop, injecting both inherently political, increasingly depoliticized genres with a message...about pacifism and building wells in India. Whatever, it's good.

Sand boobs. What a fun gal.

Amid rumors that Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West, TMZ and The Daily Mail have published photos of Kim leaving Kanye's apartment bulding this morning, in the same outfit she wore to the movies with him last night. This is the biggest breaking news since whatever guy Kim Kardashian slept with before Kanye West.

Now look, before all of you undergrad business majors get all hot under your golf shirt collars and start angrily pounding on your cubicle walls and throwing around your fraternity-branded shot glasses: this is not from me, okay? This is from "The Wall Street Journal," a newspaper that you may have heard of at some point in one of your business classes. (If you haven't, that's okay.) It's not that business majors are bad. Not at all. You're just not as sharp as the other kids.