Boy King Mark Zuckerberg turned 28 today, striking fear and loathing into the hearts of everyone who is not a 28-year-old billionaire. Facebook will go public this week in an IPO that could value the company as high as $100 billion.

Whatever happened to that guy, baldie, the funny mustache man, the one who was momentarily taken seriously as a Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America? Pizza guy? Oh, I see—he's just writing op-eds in the WSJ to reconfirm his fundamental lunacy. What say you, Herman Cain?

The town of Fort Lee, New Jersey, has begun issuing tickets to people caught walking and texting after some 20 people have been struck by cars since the start of 2012.

Two siblings subject their three-year-old brother to the Rise And Shine Test by blasting Nirvana's "Breed" at full volume on the car's stereo while he's fast asleep in the backseat.

Scott Thompson had only been Yahoo's CEO for four months, and now he's out. All because his résumé embellished his college degree.

Leslie Sandoval doesn't remember much about the night his friend Seth Foster ended up dead and dismembered. He does, however, remember the location of Foster's severed foot, which authorities have not been able to locate — and he might use that as a bargaining chip.

A million dollars isn't cool. You know what— oh, whatever, you know the rest. The Avengers continues to dominate the box office, both domestic and international. This weekend, the superhero movie earned $103.2 million here and another $95.4 million overseas. Add that to the money it's already made, and yep, we've crossed the $1 billion line.

Here's an unsettling mail-related story in which the postal worker is the victim.

For four years, my mother had a crippling fear of death. It started during her first bout with breast cancer. While recovering from her mastectomy, she insisted on driving my father to and from work, so that if he died in a car accident she'd be there to say good-bye. Nobody in our family was allowed to drive in bad weather, lest the vehicles hydroplane and we die. Christmas traditions were banned; anything that reminded my mother of the passing of time reminded her of death. She objected to my teen sleeping habits: "Just lying there all morning, like you are dead. How do I know you are not dead?" Chastised for her morbidity, my mother would snap, "You don't understand."

Newsweek's May 21 issue will feature a cover story on Obama as the country's first gay president, with an article written by longtime Obama fan and gay political writer Andrew Sullivan. The cover shows Obama adorned with a rainbow halo.

Today is an especially good day to take the M if you're a mother — or if you can fake it. Someone has been putting up "Reserved for mothers today" stickers all over the cars, which I think means you're legally required to stand if you've never raised a kid.

Modern Family's Sofia Vergara and longtime boyfriend Nick Loeb have called it quits. Great news for Vergara's horny male fanbase — and for those who prefer Loeb's subtler charms.

At the Iowa Faith and Freedom Coalition, Rand Paul segued into a conversation about gay marriage with a little bit of comedy. "Call me cynical," he began, "but I wasn't sure [Obama's] views on marriage could get any gayer." Room erupted with laughter.

Last night's Saturday Night Live featured the 100th digital short so we were treated a short about the shorts that featured a bunch of call backs and cameos. Justin Timberlake, Natalie Portman, Jon Hamm and Michael Bolton were on hand to reprise previous roles and Justin Bieber host Will Ferrell joined in as well.

A new Tennessee law will make the state's sex education policies even stricter: teachers are now barred from condoning any genital contact, which is considered "gateway sexual activity."

Roseanne is taking her Green Party presidential bid seriously, and she's begun searching for the perfect running mate. She may have found him in Willie Nelson, but the country singer and activist has pulled out of contention after agreeing to take the position.

Johnny Depp probably expected Japanese fans cosplaying as Barnabas Collins at the Tokyo premiere of Dark Shadows, but what could have prepared him for a fan cosplaying as Johnny Depp?

TMZ has obtained photos of Ashton Kutcher in costume as Steve Jobs for the biopic he's filming, tentatively titled Jobs: Get Inspired. (Note: An earlier version of this story included one of the Kutcher-as-Jobs photos, but Pacific Coast News sold those exclusively to TMZ, so just click the damn link.)

"Marriage is between one man and one woman," Mitt Romney said in his speech at Liberty University. He earned a standing ovation — which isn't much of a surprise given the audience. Liberty University, founded by evangelical nightmare Jerry Falwell, is arguably the most conservative university in the nation.

Have you heard that video is a big thing over at Gawker Media? It's true, we watch and post a lot of videos each week. Here are some of the best videos of week, culled from an array of Gawker Media sites.