I don't know much about sports, but I do know everyone wants to see an image of Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper up to bat with blood dripping down his face.

The Epic debut of irritating viral duo Karmin, Hello, arrived this week to little fanfare. The only major music publication to have reviewed it is Rolling Stone – Jody Rosen's brief, one-and-a-half star review says it well: "Karmin can make you hate pop music." The New York Times finally got around to writing about it yesterday, and Jon Caramanica is equally dismissive if slightly less savage. On the group's assault on pop, which has found them racking up disgustingly massive numbers for covers of Chris Brown's "Look at Me Now" and Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass," Caramanica writes, "by delivering [these covers] in exaggerated styles more notable for their affectations than for their execution, it in effect renders its source material as a punch line, something not deserving of respect. It's the bad kind of irreverence."

Proving that not all grandmas skew far to the right, America's Nonagenarian Sweetheart Betty White publicly endorsed Barack Obama.

On Friday, Jennifer Hudson's ex-brother-in-law William Balfour was convicted in the 2008 murders of Hudson's mother, brother, and seven-year-old nephew. It was the culmination of an emotional trial, during which Balfour was shown to be a jealous husband, acting out against Jennifer's sister Julia Hudson, his then wife.

It's become clear that Joe Biden going off script during last week's appearance on Meet the Press accelerated President Obama's statement on gay marriage, which is fine by Bill Maher. On tonight's Real Time, Maher made a plea for more of Biden's gaffes, so long as they lead to Democrats saying what they actually believe and not just what they think is politically prudent.

Welp it's Friday again. Here's some hate mail for you to read. Bye!

Despite agreeing to discuss a specific set of topics beforehand, Washington Examiner columnist Tim Carney attempted to derail a conversation about Mitt Romney's response to his "youthful indiscretion" by calling NewsNation host Tamron Hall's question a "typical media trick."

I've dicked around on Twitter long enough to be able to have a composite persona of it in my head. If Twitter were a person, it would look like a hipster and it would like hipster music, but it would fucking HATE hipsters. It would be socially liberal, but it would totally respect Ron Paul for being genuine about his nutjob views. It would constantly be arguing with itself as to whether or not it liked watching "Girls." And it would come after you with a claw hammer to the face if you dared to rail against the following subjects.

Pam Shaw is a 70-year-old cabaret singer from Greater Manchester who claims she's never had sex. Despite her misleading nom de cabaret, "The Sexational Pam," the Septuagenarian says she is opposed to extramarital shim sham, and has simply never found a man worth her flower.

Tim Burton's riff on the ‘60s/'70s vampire camp soap opera Dark Shadows joins a subset of TV-to-movie adaptations redundantly obsessed with the fish-out-of-water trope. These include The Brady Bunch Movie (great), The Addams Family (sequel's superior) and The Coneheads (sound the screeches of objection). The plots of these films serve to emphasize the transition of media by having their characters marvel at and bumble through a new, unfamiliar environment. It's novelty with a side of novelty. It revels in the supposed dearth of modern invention that fuels remake culture. It's as honest as it is regrettable.

So, the New York Times published a long article yesterday about how great rage comics are but I've been too busy slamming my head into the side of a parked UPS van to write anything about it until now. So here goes: Fuck rage comics.

Whitney Houston's brother and sister-in-law Gary and Pat Houston are set to star in The Houston Family Chronicles — a new Lifetime "docu-reality series" that revolves around their experiences and those of other family members in the aftermath of the singer's death.

As you've probably already heard, Gawker Stalker is back—much to the chagrin of a certain salt-and-peppered, pig-loving, A-lister. And to celebrate its return, Gawker has teamed up with Samsung SMART cameras to bring you some handy-dandy tips for spotting your very own fameball. Over the next few days we'll be giving you some expert advice on where the beautiful people hang, how to tell if they're actually really important, and how to take the best possible photo if you do happen across a celeb in the wild.

It was tense for a while there, but after last night's word that NBC has picked up 30 Rock and Community for additional — albeit abbreviated — seasons, today brings news that their Thursday night siblings Parks & Recreation and The Office have been renewed as well.

An inevitable but not unwelcome compilation of the D.C.-based funk offshoot go-go is coming out via housemaster Joey Negro's Z Records. It's by (and let's face it for) outsiders and the stream below is a mix of its contents so you can drop by the dropping by. Funkiness abounds. The songs often sound like post-disco boogie with a skip, although the cowbell-heavy, winding go-go sound popularized on a national level by E.U.'s "Da Butt" (from Spike Lee's School Daze) pops in throughout.

According to this Facebook page, 22-year-old UK-based guitar instructor Tom Frankenburg is a real actual person and not a viral ad mascot as one might expect after learning that he is giving away a trip to Malta valued at £1,000 after allegedly breaking up with his girlfriend and "going crazy."

Harry Potter alum Emma Watson, who plays a very bad girl in Sofia Coppola's upcoming film about notorious Hollywood burglars "The Bling Ring," has apparently let some of that femme fatality seep into her off-screen life.

Yesterday the Washington Post reported that, when he attended prep school, Mitt Romney mocked and assaulted students suspected of being gay. Call me a cynic, but I expect more from America's future sociopaths. When stories come out about non-consensual masturbation or the younger, feminine boys being expected to "do mouth stuff" on the seniors ("But no queer business or nothin'!") then it's a prep school scandal.

At a Lincoln (Nebraska) City Council hearing this week to review a proposed LGBT protection ordinance, resident Jane Skrovota delivered a rambling, incoherent anti-gay rant that, for all its obvious bigotry, was mostly just plain weird.

Though we take a backseat to no one when it comes to mocking various academic fields on the basis of little but our own prejudices, this is ridiculous even by our low standards: famous political theorist Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) (pictured, smugly) led a successful battle this week to get the House of Representatives to zero out funding for the National Science Foundation's most useless field. Political science. Don't want nobody book-larnin' bout no politickin'. Inside Higher Ed reports: