The appropriate response to Girls, a television show about two African-American boys from Harlem who live with a white Park Avenue millionaire and his sassy but wise housekeeper, is to lock down parliament and unilaterally gut the presidency. But today is Lester Flatt's birthday, and Girls is over Girls is over Girls is over, so here's your last recap.

Political-pawn-turned-congressional-candidate Samuel "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher rips a page out of Herman Cain's Big Book of Political Ad Batshittery, claiming in his latest campaign promo that gun control established by Germany in 1939 is directly responsible for the Holocaust.

Skeezeball leakmeister Julian Assange has squirreled himself away at the Ecuadorian embassy in London to avoid deportation to Sweden to face sex crimes allegations. According to a tweet by Wikileaks, he's now seeking "political asylum." ENORMOUS SIGH.

After months of denial and equivocation, Johnny Depp's publicist today confirmed that the actor and his long-time partner Vanessa Paradis have "amicably separated."

Mystifying careerist Taylor Kitsch said that filming sex scenes with his Savages co-star Blake Lively was "very awkward" because he didn't really know her at all, and that "he was just glad it was over with to be honest."

Me @ the Zoo, a documentary about Chris Crocker's rise to Internet fame, his "Leave Britney alone!" peak and its aftermath, premieres Monday, June 25 at 9 pm ET on HBO. Chris is joining us for a discussion right now. Below, let's chat with him about his inextricably bound life and career and let's not be dicks.

Last night, ABC premiered its new summer-trash reality series, The Glass House. It's been accused (in a lawsuit no less) of being a rip-off of Big Brother, due in no small part to it having wrangled close to 30 ex-Big Brother employees. It is a pretty big rip-off of that show, though you could make the argument that Big Brother is a rip-off of The Real World and that everything is a rip-off of everything, for that matter. Welcome to the post- world, CBS.

Consumers of Hebrew National meat products are suing its manufacturer, ConAgra Foods, for allegedly using non-kosher beef in the production of the brand's widely recognized comestibles.

Jonah Lehrer just landed a job at the New Yorker—one of the most coveted jobs in all of journalism—and already he's fucking up. Lehrer? You're fucking up.

Last Friday, as American journalists looked forward to an evening's well-earned drinking, one lone truth-teller gritted his teeth and inwardly hissed, "Not on my watch." He was wearing a tan suit and standing near roses as he said this. There was a Poison song playing in his head, and he saw words emerge from his mouth in bullet time, so the president couldn't dodge them.

Production is officially underway on Disney's upcoming live-action retelling of the Sleeping Beauty story, Maleficent.

Back in the early 90's, before he became an official card-carrying member of the Mickey Mouse Club, Ryan Gosling was the resident darling of Ontario's religious talent show circuit, and this just-uploaded footage from a 1991 Mormon talent show makes it clear why.

Ahh, first dates. You wash your armpits in the sink, bring extra breath freshener, and study up on the day's trending Twitter topics, and yet you still feel hopelessly unprepared. Well, if you take this quick survey, you could be entered to win a $150 Ticketmaster gift card—the perfect cheapskate way to get two tickets to a really cool event. Take your date out in style, and hopefully you can avoid talking to them completely!

Adidas has decided to shelve its release of the JS Roundhouse Mids — AKA the Shackle Shoes — after social network users slammed the sneakers for appearing to invoke slavery.

Well well well, despite a lot of cheap jokes from certain precincts of the internet where unhappy people dwell, it turns out that people who graduate from college with degrees in easy, fake fields may, in fact, be the smart ones after all.

If you ask people in Silicon Valley about the dismal job market they'll laugh and say, "What's 'job market'? A new mobile social networking app?" then pull a quick 360 on a Segway powered by seaweed smoothies.

A man identifying himself as "an up-and-coming Mexican-American artist" has taken credit for a daylight defacing of Pablo Picasso's "Woman in a Red Armchair."

We just received this tip from feminist writer/sex columnist Tristan Taormino, who was at Manhattan's City Hall this morning and spotted Alec Baldwin and fiancee Hilaria Thomas at the Clerk's office. What a town!:

Leila Neve was getting ready to say goodbye to her comatose daughter Charlotte when Adele's hit song "Rolling in the Deep" came on the radio, and the seven-year-old suddenly began smiling.

Earlier this year, I sent letters to every American death row inmate scheduled to be executed in the near future, asking about their life and their thoughts on various issues. Today, we have a second letter from condemned Ohio inmate Brett Hartmann, who is scheduled to be executed on November 13.