Determining the precise level of insanity present within each member of the Jackson family has long been a favorite pastime of the team of licensed psychiatrists that is the American public.
Here's a Shamu-sized dose of reality for those too ignorant to understand nature: Freeing the captive whales in SeaWorld and other aquatic theme parks will only result in an uncontrollable uprising by these underwater velociraptors. According to this 2010 LiveScience article, Nancy Black, a "marine biologist" with Monterey Bay Whale Watch, says that "[Killer Whales] have never killed a human in the wild."
Dylan Baumann of Omaha, Nebraska, says dozens of brown recluse spiders have made his house their home over the past several months.
The strings, the horns, the voice — in that order.
Oh dear. Let's just do what the nice lady says and, "everybody back off." Slowly.
For the last decade or so, some of the best music to come out of Sweden has been focused on and associated with non-Swedish places. Gothenburg bands like Studio and Air France got called "Balearic" — in the style the chill-out come-down music popular for early mornings in Ibiza and other club-heavy Mediterranean islands — but their songs tended to draw less on the specific sounds of that scene than it did on the hazy quality of distant shores and dreamy memories.
Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Snow White and the Huntsmen director Rupert Sanders. Rupert Sanders cheated on his wife Liberty Ross with Kristen Stewart. And both, under the spell of some mysterious PR draught, issued statements within minutes of each other apologizing to their cheatees.
Happy that his SXSW-debuted film Somebody Up There Likes Me was officially picked up for distribution by Tribeca Film, Nick Offerman (TV's Ron Swanson) did what anyone in his situation would do: He put together promo for the film featuring himself, wife Megan Mullaly, network-mate Alison Brie, and several massive bong hits.
Watch this video, via Good Morning America, and see the desperate measures killer whales will resort to when they're forced into a tank that's a fraction of a percentage of their normal environment and made to do tricks appealing to stupid humans instead of composing their pop songs and devising plans for a panglobal peaceful society.
The New York Parks Department has yet to return our phone calls on the official identification of the wet slab of species found along the East River over the weekend. Why? Because they're busy. Apparently, the top priority of this local agency doesn't involve keeping New York City's residents safe from being overrun by mutant creatures subsisting on a diet of infant limbs and household pets. Luckily, Gothamist found one Cornell professor to tell them it's a dog, specifically a small dog "obviously bloated." That's one theory.
Ever wondered how reality shows get stocked with the characters who entertain you each week with their drunken antics, home-buying travails and/or deep sea fishing exploits? Now is your chance to ask a veteran reality show casting producer about the secrets of his craft.
Since the recession hit, law school degrees have become so toxic and worthless that they are actually worth less than nothing, because not only do they take all of your money and leave in crushing debt but you can't even get a job with them any more and if you could the job would be horrible. So—how to make a law degree even worse? That took the mindpower that only Yale can offer.
Chicago alderman Joe Moreno has moved to block Chick-fil-A's from opening its second Windy City location in his ward.
