Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto has a thought about Samantha Yowler, Jansen Young and Amanda Lindgren, three young women whose boyfriends were killed while protecting them in Aurora. Here's his thought: "hope you were worth it!"

Ever since the collapse of the global economy due to massive, reckless, multi-trillion-dollar "me-first" gambling on an institutional scale, Americans have been clamoring for prosecution of the powerful people whose greed caused this whole mess. And finally, we're getting it: law enforcement has, at long last, arrested the guys who take old cardboard boxes from out back of Wal-Mart.

Justin Bieber, Zooey Deschanel, Kristen Stewart, James Van Der Beek, Snooki, and other celebs recite fairly nasty tweets about their lack of talent and/or unattractive appearance for a Jimmy Kimmel Live segment that should really be the whole show.

After 9/11, the New York Police Department in its manifest wisdom decided to start pretending that it was a global intelligence agency staffed by stealthy Jason Bourne types. In pursuit of its goal of spying on all Muslims, everywhere, New York's finest even crossed the Hudson River to New Brunswick, New Jersey, to establish a secret surveillance outpost because seriously there are Muslims literally everywhere. That little operation was foiled in 2009, though, when a super named Salil Sheth happened upon an apartment filled with surveillance equipment and Muslim literature and called 911 because he thought he'd stumbled upon a terror cell. The AP has just obtained the audio of the call.

The immediate aftermath of any American tragedy offers a heady potential for vile ideas. Details are scant, speculation is still wide open, motive is easily assigned—and in the rush to scoop other outlets, journalists don't have as much time to investigate claims, arguments or citations.

Up-and-coming stand-up comedian Caleb Medley was out on date with his pregnant wife Katie to celebrate their impending parenthood when a gunman burst into the Aurora movie theater where the two were sat and shot Caleb along with 70 others.

How desperate is crumbling Baltimore, Maryland for a population infusion now that those "see where The Wire was filmed!" bus tours are growing less popular? The city is actually not using every last dollar in its law enforcement budget to chase down and harass brown-skinned immigrants in a desperate attempt to focus the anger of the majority on a target that cannot fight back. Has Baltimore really fallen this far?

20th Century Fox has finally released the first official trailer for Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee's highly anticipated big-screen adaptation of Yann Martel's award-winning fantasy adventure novel Life of Pi.

In a surprising turn of events, it seems singer Carly Rae Jepsen, who has been on a denial spree regarding fake nude photos and a fake sex tape that have appeared on the web in recent weeks, has concurrently been trying to keep real X-rated pics from being posted online.

Authorities are still trying to figure out just how an 11-year-old boy managed to board a Jet2.com flight from Manchester to Rome without any form of identification or a plane ticket.

Twilight fans were hit hard last night on all gossip fronts with news of an alleged affair between Kristen Stewart and married-with-children director Rupert Sanders who is 19 years her senior.

On the eve of Mitt Romney's arrival in London, one of his advisers made a remark that The Telegraph says "may prompt accusations of racial insensitivity."

Given that James Holmes is responsible for a massacre, calling his behavior "erratic" feels like an awful understatement.

The Los Angeles City Council has ruled to ban medical marijuana dispensaries, shutting down as many as 900 dispensaries in 30 days.

William Balfour, the man who murdered Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother, and 7-year-old nephew Julian, was given three life sentences for his crimes. He was found guilty back in May.

Kidnappers, take heed — you will need more than a key code to break into new high-tech child care centers, which are turning to biometrics for security.

A little girl in Spencer, Mass., has learned the hard way that adults are nothing more than slightly taller know-it-all children, after an encounter with a bat and a woman who knows an awful lot about bats for someone who knows nothing about bats has resulted in a series of summer fun rabies treatments.

Cult burger chain In-N-Out opened up their latest foreign pop-up stand in Singapore this morning, only to shut down after five minutes having sold out of patties.

With each detail that emerges about the Jackson family meltdown, the story becomes even more unbelievable.

Just a couple hours ago we posted a story about how a washed-up varmint on the East River had some locals spooked, but then the New York City Parks department said it was just a damn pig carcass so everybody should just chill with the spooky otherworldly theories about the beast.