Barack Obama, the President of the United States of America, hosted an "Ask Me Anything" (AMA) thread on free teen n00dz archive Reddit today. It was a historic day: Finally, well-educated white men had the chance to question the President.

Formerly known as The Hand Job, Funny or Die writer Maggie Carey's directorial debut The To Do List follows the coming-of-age misadventures of "a Type-A overachiever (Aubrey Plaza) who comes up with a 'to-do list' featuring all the risqué extra-curricular activities she missed out on in high school and wants to complete before college."

The Republican Convention isn't all "inside baseball" and "delegates" and "wandering around inside prison-style fencing in search of meaning." It's also about venturing out to see "the real Tampa." Sometimes, you have to get out of your chair, go "outside the wire," and take in a screening of a haranguing right wing documentary with an unmistakably karmic ending.

Eight-year-old Ashley Taylor's Mandeville, Louisiana, home was in the path of Hurricane Isaac, so her dad, Greg, sent her and the rest of the family to Alabama for safekeeping.

The New York Daily News seems to think so, because it took the time to put together a four-minute tutorial called "Teach Me How Too... Ride the Subway (Without Annoying Everyone)."

Matthew Dear's fifth album under his own name, Beams, is a woozy rifling through preexisting musical styles, and the combinations that emerge make for an unsettling listening experience. It acts like upbeat pop music, but Dear is always subverting his setups — with weird interjections, with contrasting rhythms, with his own vocals that speak of indecipherable commands in a cartoonishly low voice that saunters with a twang-free, country swagger. He sounds like what Madonna wished her Music-era cowboy at made her look like, a loner and individual in this world of pulsing electronics. He never sounds lost, though, and in fact, seems more confident than ever, a mirthful ringleader appropriating sounds because that's how genres are made in the endless chain of dance music. His singular offshoot is a doozy — this sounds like everything, but nothing sounds like it.

As if the hours of Republicans dancing broadcast on CSPAN yesterday wasn't steamy enough, here it is, edited down by Corey Ann Clark and set to "My Neck, My Back." "**WARNING YOUR HORNY LEVEL WILL SOON BE VERY HIGH**," Clark writes. "While I was watching the RNC yesterday, I noticed during the musical numbers some of the ladies of the party getting RED HOT. Luckiliy, I was able to obtain 45 minutes worth of this footage and crammed it into 3 minutes of lustful hounds twirling their fingers, even more raunchy, taking off their ten gallon hats." Current horney level: about to explode. [Corey Ann Clark, h/t Richard Gin]

Ann Romney's speech to the Republican National Convention last night featured an awkward and transparent pander to female voters, whose troubles the quarter-billionaire dressage enthusiast said she had "heard stories of." It culminated with a memorable, and failed, attempt to ape human affect with the line, "I love you, women!", and was premised on the increasingly anachronistic notion that women run their households while men golf or slurp beer on the couch. This may have been true in Ann Romney's home. It is, regrettably, not true in mine.

Yesterday the Ron Paul rEVOLution was thrown out in the gutter, alongside the storm-bathed protesters carrying 99% signs. Thanks to the RNC's backroom rules changes, the good doctor's delegates were not seated. Supporters' chants of "point of order!" from the convention floor failed to incite a floor fight. Their overwhelming "nay" vote on the rules changes went ignored by John Boehner (R-Leatherette), who gaveled the faint "ayes" into the record books.

Ryan Gosling has been given the green light to turn a screenplay he wrote into a major motion picture, and he's tapped Christina Hendricks to star in it.

What a month it's been for Republicans and rape. Since Missouri senate candidate Todd Akin — at the time leading the polls by a wide margin — told a journalist that in the case of "legitimate rape, the female body has ways" to prevent pregnancy, prominent Republicans haven't been able to avoid putting their rapey feet in their moist, sex-obsessed mouths. Here's a recent history of Republicans on rape.

A man in Dayton, Ohio, says he was robbed at gunpoint by two unusually conscientious assailants.

Other guesses for non-dead speakers include Tim Tebow, Colin Powell, Clint Eastwood, and Nancy Reagan. But hopefully the RNC reanimation squad will be able to conjure up the most profane and laughable addition to a political convention in history.

11-year-old soccer phenom Gabriel Muniz is just like most Brazilian boys: He enjoys kicking the ball around with his friends, idolizes Lionel Messi, and "loves challenging social norms," according to his gym teacher.

In 2008, 16-year-old pageant queen Alicia Guastaferro learned the valuable lesson that, when you become a "break-out star" on a reality televsion show, 9 times out of 10 it is because everyone hates you.

Pretty much any asshole can get some kind of credential to get into a political convention; a look at the press room can tell you that. It's a low bar. Which is not to say that the RNC organizers are fools.

NBC announced today that Saturday Night Live will return for its 38th season on September 15th with host Seth MacFarlane and musical guest Frank Ocean.

It's not particularly difficult to spot the members of the working class at the Republican National Convention. Invariably, they are in uniform. They hold tools that cost under $500 dollars. Most of the time, they are not white. Nobody who is not lost or looking to transfer irate Newtonian force to a rung below themselves speaks to them.

Yesterday, TechCrunch exposed a young woman named Shirley Hornstein for using photoshopped pictures with celebrities and made-up job titles to ingratiate herself with the Silicon Valley tech elite. Now, the newly notorious Silicon Valley fake has taken her act to the GOP convention. She's fitting right in, believe it or not.

At times, as circumstances dictate, we will cover the 2012 Republican National Convention in the style of noted New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman. The following reporting is 100% real: