If you're a porn star and you learn that a bunch of other porn stars have a bad STD, what you want to know right away is if you've fucked any of those people. This August, a syphilis outbreak plunged the San Fernando Valley's multibillion dollar porn industry into chaos, and any information about the origins and extent of the scourge was maddeningly sparse. So when the porn gossip blogger Mike South confirmed the identity of the outbreak's "patient zero" as a porn star who'd covered up his positive syphilis test, the relief was palpable among performers who could now at least roughly gauge their own exposure.

Call him the American Alexey Bykov.

Representative Allen West (FL-22) and Patrick Murphy are currently engaged in what is shaping up to be America's most expensive congressional race, ever.

For a few hours yesterday, the top link on the Drudge Report led to a YouTube video in which an Ohio woman said she's going to vote for President Obama because he gave her a phone. The woman is inarticulate and she speaks loudly, and on top of those things she's black. Basically, she is exactly the kind of person many on the right envision—wrongly, it should be said—when they think of who is guzzling from the government teat these days. That she was bragging about Obama giving "every minority in Cleveland" luxuries like cell phones was just the icing on the cake.

The Fars News Agency, Iran's leading, "semi-state-run" news agency, might want to spend a little less time bashing America, and little more time acquainting itself with the Great Satan's parody news organizations.

Though we decry Chet Haze's music, we commend his relentless equanimity towards haters.

A 24-year-old swimming instructor from Birmingham will be branded a sex offender for life after he inadvertently sent a sext meant for his partner to his entire BlackBerry contact list.

What is the female equivalent of "dong shot"? Whatever it is, we need it for these new photos of Kate Middleton, published in Danish tabloid Se Og Hor. Between those recent topless shots and now these bottomless ones, you've now basically seen Kate Middleton naked! Click through for the pictures.

America's premiere coffee shop, McDonald's, is offering a free small premium roast today at New York-area locations.

A fifth-grade teacher from New Fairfield, Connecticut was stricken with grief after he shot and killed a home invader who turned out to be his adopted teenage son.

The Romney-Ryan ticket, which will lose the US presidential election this November, is still giving it their all. The campaign is trailing in key states like Wisconsin, Iowa and Ohio. But they have a secret weapon: VP nominee Paul Ryan is an avid hunter.

With the first of three presidential debates still a few days away, Mitt Romney's campaign is already calling a winner: President Obama.

It's been nearly six years since Michael Richards stunned attendees of his stand-up act at The Laugh Factory in LA with a now-infamous N-word tirade directed at an African-American heckler.

A comedy duo from Montreal known as the Masked Avengers successfully pranked called U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon on Wednesday afternoon. Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel pretended to be Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, and Ban bought the act, or at least until the duo made a strange crack about Harper's hair.

ABC News did some serious, hard-hitting journalism this week when they purposely left behind iPads at TSA checkpoints in ten different airports, all of which had "a history of TSA theft problems." Nine out of ten iPads were returned, but some highly paid TSA worker at the Orlando airport stole the 10th.

A Canadian police officer and two others were arrested and charged with being part of a "major cheese-smuggling ring." Constable Scott Heron of the Niagara Regional Police and his two partners were charged with conspiracy, smuggling and other customs violations for allegedly transporting over $200,000 of cheese into Canada from the United States without paying any taxes.

After 10 years, Playboy redesigned their cover to look like Esquire did five years ago. Happy 2007, Hef, Inc.

Innocence of Muslims filmmaker Nakoula Basseley Nakoula was arrested today for violating terms of his probation.

An Ohio woman was killed Tuesday after her pet llama ran her over. Florence Lenahan, a 74-year-old former coroner, was walking out to meet her pet when the llama, named Baby Doll, excitedly sprinted towards her and slipped on wet grass. A collision ensued, and Lenahan struck her head on the ground. She died of cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital.

This Sunday marks the 30th anniversary of Cheers. In honor, GQ has culled together an extensive oral history of "The Best TV Show That's Ever Been," according to Amy Poehler (or me), and it's a completely awesome and exhaustive piece. Did you know Lucille Ball was approached to play Diane's mom? Or that Sharon Stone, Kim Cattrell, and Marg Helgenberger were all considered for Kirstie Alley's role? Or that Kurt Vonnegut once told an interviewer, "I would rather have written Cheers than anything I've written"? Pretty sure he was lying.