"Dubstep" (or EDM) is generally terrible music beloved by America's teenagers. These children go see their favorite DJs in arenas or at festivals, where they chug liquor out of water bottles and/or take various forms of MDMA and whatever else gross adult drug dealers sell them. The problem is that teenagers don't understand how to take drugs without nearly killing themselves, which means that things like this happen at events like Haunted Coliseum at the Nassau Coliseum.

Finally, an Occupy Wall Street protestor has clawed back money from the banks. Sort of. You may remember Stacey Hessler, the Florida mother of four who became a bogeyman for conservatives after she "abandoned" her family to join the Occupy protests. The New York Post is reporting today that Hessler has divorced her husband Curtiss (sic), in the process netting an $85,000 settlement, though he did get to keep that extra "s."

Kanye West has no problems bragging about Kim Kardashian in his songs, and unsurprisingly that also extends to real life. Earlier this week, Kanye performed at a party for Samsung at Skylight in New York. There, according to the New York Post's very professional gossip hounds, Kanye was being very Kanye.

Hurricane Sandy is no joke: the death toll in the Caribbean has risen to 65, with most of those occurring in Haiti.

Hurricane Sandy is currently enjoying a nice leisurely Sunday off the coast of South Carolina as she prepares for her jaunt up the coast en route to the finest cities the East Coast has to offer (and, yes, I mean Atlantic City). Current projections show that Sandy should be touching down in South Jersey around 2 a.m. Tuesday morning — she is expected to cross the state into Pennsylvania before heading north through western New York into Canada, where she will presumably stay if Mitt Romney has defeated Barack Obama.

Shocking developments: the NYT has endorsed Barack Obama, while the Post has endorsed Mitt Romney — with 12 editorials.

If you're on the East Coast, Hurricane Sandy may destroy you soon. The Times' interactive map will tell you when.

Earlier, this month rapper, Canadian, eager smiler and high school dropout Drake received his high school diploma from Toronto's Jarvis Collegiate Institute. At the ceremony, he gave a speech — video of which surfaced today.

Today, my fellow Americans, you get to choose between two superstar election pollsters. In one corner, we have Dean Chambers, the creator of the tin foil hat UnSkewed Polls and the laughing stock of the political media. In the other corner we have defending champion Nate Silver, the creator of the polling blog 538, which correctly predicted the popular vote split in the 2008 presidential election and was only four votes off of correctly predicting Barack Obama's number in the electoral college. Silver's track record may lead you to put your faith in him, but wait, Chambers has a compelling argument for his side: Have you ever noticed that Nate Silver is "thin and effeminate" (i.e. GAY)?

Joe Simpson, the father of famous person Jessica Simpson, has joined the ranks of some of America's greatest celebrity pastors by coming out to his family and having his affair with a much younger man revealed by gossip rags. Somewhere on South Beach, George Rekers is quietly applauding.

NASA has released time-lapse footage of Hurricane Sandy — 1/3 of Frankenstorm, this week's hottest buzz band — as it hovered over Grand Bahama Island on Friday. The footage confirms a few things that we already know: hurricanes are terrifying, beautiful and will likely leave you without power for days, forcing you to contemplate reading a book.

I gravitated to the fucked up writers. Hunter S. Thompson, Hemingway, William S. Burroughs, Raymond Chandler, Tennessee Williams, Dylan Thomas, Jack Kerouac, Truman Capote, Charles Bukowski, William Faulkner. There weren't many women in my list. Dorothy Parker, and that was about it. Somehow, hand in hand with booze and drugs, the terrible dance that substances led me on became one that I must perfect to be a writer. It was a required necessity, an essential rite of passage, and my writing heroes' words were the proof. I drank, gurned, snorted, swallowed and hallucinated like they did. That waltz into the dark was absolutely crucial for me in order to write like them—even if the familiar, haunting beautiful chimes of The Blue Danube led me instead to the depths of degradation, I could still write about it.

On May 1, Atlanta-area police showed up to the home of Nick and Lisa Messina with riot shields, a sniper and an armored tank. The Messinas had called the police because their 16-year-old son Andrew had taken a gun from the house and was threatening to commit suicide. Just over an hour later, that sniper, who was set up across the street in a neighbor's yard, shot and killed Andrew as he stood in a window at the front of the family's home.

The GOP is pretty racist. I could list examples, but we'd be here for the rest of eternity. This week's particular "widely believed racist conspiracy that some old, white Republican was dumb enough to say in public" comes from Mitt Romney co-chair and ex-George H.W. Bush chief of staff John Sununu, who said that Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama because Powell disagrees with Romney's foreign policy. Wait, no, it's because they're both black.

While her motive still remains unclear, new details have emerged about the life of alleged "killer nanny" Yoselyn Ortega, who is accused of stabbing two children, 2-year-old Leo and 6-year-old Lucia Krim, to death in a horrific crime on Manhattan's Upper West Side. According to a report in the New York Times, Ortega had become increasingly stressed and unstable in recent weeks.

In August, Dean Weeks, a firefighter in Clinton, Massachusetts, was ordered to fix his ex-wife's dryer as part of his divorce settlement. But apparently, he was still having some issues with his ex, so he (allegedly) did the reasonable thing, which is: he booby trapped her dryer to explode the next time she used it.

Lance Armstrong will stay mega-rich, even though he'll probably have to forfeit prize money and pay a ton in legal fees.

On Wednesday, cool guy Eric Hartsburg auctioned off a 5-by-2 inch spot on the right side of his face for a Mitt Romney tattoo. The winning bid? $15,000, from an anonymous Republican eBay user. This means real estate on Hartsburg's face is worth $1,500 per square inch, which is pretty good considering the trio of lip piercings nearby.

Republican Kristi Noem and Democrat Matt Varilek are in the midst of battling one other for control of South Dakota's lone seat in the House of Representatives, currently occupied by Noem.

"Didn't know they were learning about politics in preschool," mom Sara writes in the video description.