Some newspapers both here and abroad went to bed too early to call the presidential election for President Obama.

Below is a brief but shockingly accurate dramatic reenactment of what you will see in the video above, from last night's campaign coverage:

So hey, Washington and Colorado legalized weed yesterday, which is AWESOME and makes me want to smoke a bowl and listen to My Bloody Valentine while naked.

Janna Ryan's husband Paul didn't get the big promotion he was after last night, and boy did it show on her face; she looked like the most miserable person in the world when she went up to hug Ann and Mitt on stage after Romney conceded the race.

Following President Obama's re-election last night, rational people (conservative and liberal alike) continued on with their lives, business as usual. But in Mississippi, this was not to be.

No one is quite sure what 4chan founder Christopher "moot" Poole is doing hanging out on Rick Santorum's website, but BetaBeat has confirmed that visiting Patriot Voices does in fact yield a pop-up with the infamous troll-father's smiling mug.

Just in time for the next weather disaster, the MTA has released video of a dry L train tunnel.

Many theories have already been bandied about for why Barack Obama secured his reelection last night: fundamental demographic changes in the voting base, ossified Republican proposals, the creaky inability of Mitt Romney to appear convincingly humanoid. But only one member of the pundit class has been incisive enough to peer more deeply into the true rotten, beating heart of Obama's victory: our national system of liberal zombification centers. (Colleges.)

The South Texas family law judge who garnered Internet infamy last year after a YouTube video emerged showing him severely beating his then-teenage daughter has been reinstated by the state's Supreme Court effective immediately.

ABC News lost power for 25 minutes last night. Diane Sawyer didn't bat an eyelash on camera. What can't she do drunk?

We narrowly avoided one major shitstorm last night, when Romney conceded the presidential race to Obama after eighteen years and several hundred dollars of campaigning.

Mindy Meyer, the Flatbush law student with the very pink Web site will not, for now, be a New York State Senator. In yesterday's election, the 22-year-old with dashed pink-elephant toenail dreams received only 2.86% percent of the vote in her home Brooklyn district against incumbent Kevin Parker. Sad to report, but your parking tickets will not be pink anytime soon.

With Newsweek going out of print in 2013, the question of which magazine will carry on the tradition of headline-grabbing covers must be asked.

Feeling pretty satisfied with yourselves this morning, Obama supporters? Feeling real "proud" that your man won? Feeling nice and positive about all the "good things" that might happen over the next four years?

The image to the right was posted to the official Durex Condoms account on the Chinese Twitter clone Sina Weibo last night. The caption reads: "The difference between Obama and Romney is..." So far it has been forwarded (i.e. retweeted) over 43,000 times. Dick jokes: The international language. [Beijing Cream]

Colorado legalizes pot. Still, "don't break out the Cheetos or Goldfish too quickly," warns Gov. John Hickenlooper.

Janice Daniels, the highly controversial mayor of Troy, Michigan, will not finish out her term after losing a recall vote by a measure of 52.2% to 47.8%.

Beyoncé wrote this line down in her fave notebook nine days ago and has been keeping it tucked safely in her pocketbook ever since, not even letting Jay-Z see it because he might wrinkle the paper with his big hands (probably).

Good morning, America. Do you know why this is a special time to be an American? Because this is an amazing year for peanuts!

The measure formally known as "County of Los Angeles Safer Sex In The Adult Film Industry Act" has officially passed with 56 percent of voters casting their ballots in favor of mandating condom use in porn films.