What in the Internet World Is Cyber Monday Anyways? A Guide

MTanzer · 11/25/12 12:54PM

Tomorrow is Monday, but not just any regular old Monday, it's Cyber Monday. No that's not a Monday to spend all day at work cyber sexing with strangers on the Internet. Did you really think that's what it was? Ugh, explaining the Internet is so hard.

MTanzer · 11/25/12 12:22PM

The New York Times proclaims that Martha Stewart is the hero of the Etsy set, known to them as "hipsters."

New Film Says O.J. Didn't Do It

MTanzer · 11/25/12 11:30AM

O.J. Simpson spent this Thanksgiving inside of a jail cell. He's currently doing time for armed robbery, but the details of his famous 1994 murder trial have still not escaped him.

It Only Costs $500 to Ride a Manatee in Florida

Mallory Ortberg · 11/25/12 10:45AM

A woman in St. Petersburg, Florida was arrested yesterday after the local sheriff's department published photos of her riding a manatee in nearby Tampa Bay. The woman, identified as Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez, has been charged with violating the Florida Marine Sanctuary Act, which seeks to "protect and preserve living and other resources of the Florida Keys marine environment."

"God" Is Now Supporting Gay Marriage

MTanzer · 11/25/12 09:53AM

Morgan Freeman, the voice of god and storyteller of penguin life, appears in a new ad for the Human Rights Campaign. Freeman's weighty voice washes over you as images of sunrises, Martin Luther King, and the Constitution pass by.

Marine, Husband of U.S. Diplomat Killed in The Philippines

Mallory Ortberg · 11/25/12 08:58AM

A U.S. national living in the city of Makati, a part of Metro Manila, was stabbed to death by four men just outside of the gate to his residential community yesterday. The victim, George Anikow, was initially identified as a diplomat himself, with police chief Manual Lucban confirming he'd received a call from the US Embassy after the murder; other sources identify Anikow as "a dependent of one of the officers of the US Embassy" awaiting a return to active duty as a U.S. Marine.

The New York Times Says that Weed is Totally Awesome and Should Be Legalized

MTanzer · 11/24/12 04:38PM

The New York Times published an op-ed on their Opinionator blog this morning called "Give Pot a Chance." It's a well argued defense of marijuana legalization by author Timothy Egan. So yes, the "paper of record" shall now be known as the "rolling papers of record." And perhaps she's got glaucoma in her old age, but somebody pass the Old Gray Lady a blunt already because she's jonesing for it.

"Gangnam Style" Just Became the Most Watched Video Ever. Does it Deserve the Honor?

MTanzer · 11/24/12 02:15PM

"Gangnam Style," Korean megastar Psy's infectious "Party Rock Anthem" clone, just became the Internet's most viewed video of all time. This morning, it reached approximately 805 million views on YouTube, beating out the former champ, Justin Bieber's "Baby," which held the old top spot with approximately 804 million views. There's no doubt that the 805 millionth viewer was some kid who ran down his dorm hallway shouting, "you guys have GOT to see this video. C'mere, watch this!"

Unbreakable WWII Code Found on Long-Dead Pigeon

Mallory Ortberg · 11/24/12 01:29PM

Because sometimes life is every bit as exciting and riddled with mysteries as you had hoped it would be as a cunning, hopeful child, a man in southern England has discovered the remains of a homing pigeon carrying an encrypted message for a British intelligence agency while renovating his 17th-century fireplace. The man, David Martin, found the remains of the pigeon back in 1982 but the existence of the message remained a secret until earlier this month.

How to Conquer Gwyneth Paltrow's Evil Gift-Giving Goop Army: A Guide

MTanzer · 11/24/12 12:59PM

For those who don't know, Gwyneth Paltrow, the world's most perfect human and Beyonce's best friend, has a newsletter called Goop. It's filled with insight on how to be perfect and live your life exactly how the mother of two children named Apple and Moses lives her life.

The Teardrop Tattoo Will Be His Undoing

Simone Jacobson · 11/24/12 12:05PM

I'm reporting for my first jury duty summons at 500 Indiana Avenue. Though I have lived and worked in Washington, D.C. for over a decade, I have never been called to court for my civic duty to "serve."

Movie Remakes That Improve Upon The Original Classics

Mallory Ortberg · 11/24/12 11:00AM

This is a time of year, you may have noticed, when many people choose to re-watch their favorite movies. It's a comforting tradition, certainly, and I'm very much in favor of watching movies repeatedly in a general sense, but there are times when I find myself wishing some of these classics, hampered as they are by oversights and missteps, could be fixed. Some of these changes are more realizable than others, but all are necessary. It afflicts my innate sense of justice to have to see the same glaring mistakes trotted out year after year, and I can remain silent no longer.

Mallory Ortberg · 11/24/12 10:18AM

Larry Hagman - of I Dream of Jeannie, of Dallas - died last night at 81 in Texas.