Today, MTV announced that the premium cable channel VH1 Classic will be rebranded as MTV Classic. The station will shift from airing programming such as classic rock music videos and R.E.M. documentaries to old MTV shows like Daria, Jackass and MTV Cribs. This is another example of how MTV is being murdered by its parent company Viacom.

PHILADELPHIA — Last week, amidst a sea of Never Hillary signs in Cleveland, and this week, also amidst a sea of Never Hillary signs in Philly, one man stood apart from the crowd. His message: Building 7 didn’t just collapse, and 9/11 goes all the way to the top. Sheeple, meet—well, let’s just call him Joe.

On Wednesday, after he was denied press credentials to cover Indiana Governor Mike Pence’s first public event since being introduced as Donald Trump’s vice-presidential candidate in Cleveland, the Washington Post’s Jose DelReal was barred from entering the rally by security staffers, who went as far as to summon law enforcement before escorting him from the premises.

This year, both the Democratic and the Republican platforms say they want to reinstate the Glass-Steagall Act, which separates commercial and investment banking and is generally hated by banks. So what do the real “insiders” think will happen?

The concourse at Philadelphia’s Wells Fargo Center is filled with all sorts of chicken sandwiches, some of them vaguely pleasant, others pleasantly vague. But which of these breaded breasts allegedly sickened a New York Times reporter in town for the DNC?

While addressing the LGBTQ Delegates at the 2016 Democratic National Convention on Wednesday, Chelsea Clinton read this year’s Republican Party platform for filth.

“For many Clinton donors, particularly those from the financial sector, the convention is a time to shed what one called the ‘hypersensitivity’ that had previously surrounded their appearance at Mrs. Clinton’s fundraisers.”

The biggest disasters always build up slowly. Here is what history indicates is looming around the corner for us.

Donald Trump, who thinks ‘irony’ has something to do with what his doctor said about eating too much red meat, is now claiming that he was “being sarcastic” when he invited Russian spy agencies to commit cyber espionage against Hillary Clinton.

To the frustration of Democrats and Republicans alike, Donald Trump’s most consistent position—perhaps his only consistent position, actually—throughout this ludicrous campaign season has been his refusal to release his tax returns. Now, at least two wealthy Hillary Clinton allies have put out a bounty for them.

While most were discussing whether America was (as President Obama asserted) sick as hell or (as Donald Trump countered) a total shithole, Gawker obtained some truly disturbing information Wednesday night: Senator Tim Kaine, a man who aspires to be one heartbeat away from the presidency, allegedly carries not one, or even two, but four harmonicas on his person.

DAD STOP.

Earlier today, Donald Trump held a Reddit AMA, offering insights into such topics as whether he is getting tired of winning (he is not). But in the midst of his internet frenzy, Trump appears to have accidentally revealed the true identity of the DNC email hacker.

PHILADELPHIA — Just a few hours ago, in an interview with Gawker, Karl Rove finally offered an answer to the question on everyone’s mind: Is Karl “the Architect” Rove ready to get behind Donald Trump?

Wednesday evening, several news outlets announced that Wikileaks had JUST RELEASED 29 new Democratic National Committee voicemails, a brilliant bit of counter-programming against tonight’s Democratic convention events if true.

PHILADELPHIA — Welcome to the 27th and penultimate night of the Democratic National Convention. Two nights ago, my close personal friend, First Lady Michelle Obama gave a gorgeous speech that left a nation in tears. Four more years of Michelle, we cried! (Melania Trump no doubt took notes.)

PHILADELPHIA — Bill de Blasio, the current mayor of New York City, just spoke to Democratic National Convention delegates at the Wells Fargo Center about the merits of Hillary Clinton and the evils of Donald Trump. He spoke at around 5:30 p.m., when many TV viewers are still working or on the way home, and there were noticeable holes in the arena crowd.

Philadelphia — It’s hot as hell here in the city of brotherly love, but I’d give up all the air conditioning and the free “I’m a Union Fan” fan for a good wifi connection. Here inside the white media tents, now blessedly free of Bernie protestors, the chairs are free but the wifi is not—media outlets, companies and some woman named Doreen all refuse to share their kbps with me, and I’m having a hard time guessing their passwords.

Last night at the Democratic National Convention, Bill Clinton delivered a long, winding speech about the lifetime he has spent with Hillary Clinton. The goal was for viewers to see Hillary through Bill’s eyes, to learn more about her on a personal level, from his courtship of her to the work she did before she was one of the most famous women in the world.