The year 2030 is only 17 short years away. (Wow. I can remember when it was 25 years away.) What will the world be like in 2030? According to a new "Global Trends" report from the US National Intelligence office—a deeply researched report provocative in its predictions which will, in all likelihood, be ignored, like most government reports, only to be dusted off when it becomes a useful tool for scapegoating someone after a crisis—the world of 2030 will be urban, dangerous, and decidedly not ruled by America.

It often seems as if people save all their most obnoxious and excruciating conversations for public transit, just to make sure the pain is spread to more of their fellow humans. So imagine if every conversation that occurred on public transit was recorded: What twisted portrait of humanity would be produced? We may now learn, as an increasing number of cities are installing audio surveillance systems on their bus systems.

Just before our love got lost I said, "I am the worst guy and you are the best." We had reached the moment of truth, one that was pronounced even in our established dynamic of honesty. It was the moment when even I couldn't tolerate my behavior any longer. Or at least, I couldn't tolerate not knowing whether he would.

Man of Steel, the new Superman movie, whose trailer you can view above, is directed by Zack Snyder, the terrible hack-bro who foisted Watchmen upon an unsuspecting public, resulting in a warrant for his arrest issued by the International Criminal Court (just kidding, unfortunately), and it seems exceedingly likely, based on precedent, that this will be similarly bad. And yet: the whispery Malick-does-Superman-as-Levi's-ad vibe of the teaser trailer, and of this, make me kind of hopeful. At least it'll look fantastic.

Anne Hathaway went retro to last night's New York premiere of Les Misérables — her bush-free flash to paps as she stepped out of her car was so five years ago. It's also really awkward. Anne Hathaway has built a squeaky clean career out of being mad unassuming about her genitalia. We always knew it was there, but we don't know how it was there, except now we do. Um...

As of today, Christmas is only two weeks away, which means that we only have 54 more shopping weeks until next Christmas.

Look out the window: nice day, probably, eh? Sure, sure. And how about sports? Lots of sports going on right now. The United States Air Force would like to take this time to formally urge you to keep your mind on these and other soothing matters, and not on this morning's launch of the Top Secret Orbiting Space Weapon(?).

Wonderfully insane Ukranian model Valeria Lukyanova — known as "real-life Barbie" thanks to the extensive cosmetic surgery that allows her to mimic the alien proportions and glassy expressionlessness of the famous doll — and her pal Olga "Dominica" Oleynik, a fellow doll-mimicking plastic surgery addict, are headed to our shores. Welcome to Obama's America.

Happy Tuesday. How are you doing? Lindsay Lohan's fabulous, having a cool time and making a lot of neat decisions. Classic Lindsay stuff.

Today comes the most shocking and demoralizing report on the evolving taste of the American consumer since we discovered that kids these days are sellouts: Americans, it seems, now consider themselves to be "too good" to drink milk—despite clear evidence that it does a body good. Shall we just shoot mom and poison the apple pie next, to get it all over with?

Do you know what kind of fish you're eating? Let's be very honest about the average American's palate: the average American is unable to distinguish a banana from a deep-fried Oreo cookie in a blind taste test. It is perhaps too much to expect the average American to be able to distinguish between perch and flounder. Which is probably why a lot of restaurants just sell any old fish and label it on the menu as "World's BEST Kind of Fish."

It wouldn't be a new year without some media-escalated moral panic over a new and potentially dangerous intoxicant. Except 2012's hazard, a synthetic and cheap legal chemical sold as "bath salts"—varying compositions of mephedrone, methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV), and methylone—did have some fairly harrowing consequences. Users who'd ingested too much recounted super-human strength, feelings of demonic possession, vibrantly nightmarish hallucinations; police reports featuring assailants suspected to be under the influence of bath salts documented rabid-animal behaviors like biting, kicking, and primal viciousness.

When we told you all the reasons you don't want to win the lottery, we mentioned the tragic death of appropriately named lotto winner Abraham Shakespeare. Well, earlier today, Dee Dee Moore, Shakespeare's self-proclaimed biographer and financial advisor, was convicted of the Florida man's 2009 murder.

Last we heard from Glenn Beck, he was dunking Obama dolls in jars full of fake piss, all in the name of art. Well, now he's set his artistic goals even higher; the former Fox News troll is collaborating with Vince Vaughn on a new reality TV project. The show, called "Pursuit of Truth," will set 20 documentary filmmakers against each other for the prize of having their film, which will no doubt be taken seriously, financed and distributed. All nine of the show's episodes will air on Beck's network, The Blaze TV.

Food stamp using and BIG_BOOBS_CARLY retweeting Newark Mayor Cory Booker has been a rumored challenger for incumbent New Jersey Governor Chris Christie for some time now. With the election just under a year away, Booker may have just accidentally announced his intention to run. In a live interview with the Huffington Post, Booker was asked if he would grade Christie's job as governor.

Two years after scandal-free former General David Petraeus lifted an eight-month ban on fast-food restaurants on military bases in Afghanistan (Burger King, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut were popular options), the Washington Post is now reporting that obesity is a leading cause of ineligibility for potential army volunteers and current military personnel. Over 1600 soldiers were kicked out of the Army in the first ten months of 2012 alone, or 16 times the amount expelled in 2007.

On Friday, the second winner of the record $587.5 million Powerball jackpot stepped forward to claim his prize anonymously.

It's surprising that it's taken this long for "Snapchat Sluts" (totally NSFW) to exist. But we all knew it was coming — the minute you introduce a new way for teens to send each other nudes, the website collecting those nudes is only so far behind.

Do you like gold? Of course you do. Check out this episode of the YouTube chemistry web series Periodic Videos, where the adorable old British guy takes you on a tour of a gold bullion vault belonging to the Bank of England, which protects about $315 billion worth of gold.

It only takes a minute to send a holiday message to a prisoner who has survived sexual abuse. The karma lasts all day.