Two firemen with the Sodus Point Volunteer Fire Department have been arrested in Old Forge, N.Y. for breaking into the Enchanted Forest Water Safari park while in town for the annual Firefighter’s Drill School. While inside the park, which had been closed for the season, the firefighters stole food and stuffed animals and then damaged arcade games and “an animated band that was more than 30 years old.” One of the men also defecated on the floor

Prabhjot Singh, the Sikh Columbia University professor who was attacked in Harlem on Saturday, has graciously offered to educate those who called him a “terrorist” and broke his jaw: “I would ask them if they had any questions, if they knew what they were doing? Invite them where we worship. Get to know who we are and then share it...”

Have no fear, all you 14-year-old virgin boys in California who find it funny to post social-media bios that say that you're "hung like a rhinosaurus [sic]" and that you "get more ass than a toilet seat." As of 2015, you will be legally guaranteed the right to delete that dumb shit before serious people who can influence your future see it!

Just as they do everything, rich people and entitled liars have tarnished Disneyland for everyone today with their disgusting and pitiful greed. Is nothing sacred? No, nothing is sacred.

E.D.M. will be the death of our culture, if molly doesn't kill us all first. That is what I gathered from "Night Club Royale," the New Yorker's semi-profile of Paris Hilton's ex, producer/DJ Afrojack, who amused me so when I saw him at the Electric Daisy Carnival in 2012, and through whom writer Josh Eells gives us a good look at the entire Vegas nightclub casino scene. (Between this and the Rolling Stone Miley Cyrus profile, Eells having the best culture-writing week ever.)

It's National Punctuation Day, a day for prescriptivists and schoolmarms to lord their shibboleths over everyone else, as opposed to every other day of the year, when everyone is very mellow and forgiving and aware that correct ("correct") use of punctuation is contingent and arbitrary—that it is often a weapon for enforcing social status distinctions rather than a tool for fostering understanding. Here are punctuation marks, ranked in order of their quality and value.

A woman in Utah has pleaded guilty to attempted criminal solicitation and possession of a dangerous weapon by a restricted person after persuading her husband to shoot their neighbor by claiming she was the victim of "telepathic rape."

Republican New York mayoral nominee Joe Lhota has brought a new, urgent issue to the fore in the race to be the next chief executive of the city: Where do the candidates stand on the Nicaraguan civil war of the 1980s?

We are a religious nation, even though that religious belief is rapidly fading and notoriously shallow. What we hunger for is real communion with the sacred, the unexpected voice of a mysterious god that occasionally speaks directly to our consciousness, as the old gods spoke to Moses and Mohammad or Achilles and Odysseus. This is why 200,000 people followed Horse_ebooks on Twitter. Horse_ebooks was our inscrutable god speaking in riddles.

Canada's maple syrup shame to earn Jason Segel millions of dollars.

Ted Cruz, right now, is speaking "in opposition to Obamacare" until he is "no longer able to stand." Who the fuck is this guy, and what the fuck is he doing?

The Florida Highway Patrol says a motorist who stopped his car to rescue a cat that he spotted on Florida's Turnpike ended up causing a crash that killed an elderly Boynton Beach woman and backed up rush-hour traffic for miles.

Yesterday, AIG’s CEO Robert Benmosche told the Wall Street Journal that widespread criticism of his company’s distribution of employee bonuses in 2009—shortly after AIG received a government bailout of $85 billion—was “just as bad” as a lynch mob.

A DeLand, Florida, police officer who was fired after running over and killing a fleeing suspect named Marlon Brown will not be charged with vehicular manslaughter. Brown's family hopes this video might somehow change that ruling.

The Force family will forever remember their little dachshund Bradley as being larger than life.

Iran may be winning over doubters with the diplomatic, moderate tone of its new president Hassan Rouhani—but Israel just struck an epic blow in an even more important war: the war for social media buzz.

Look, it's a new Banksy piece in LA. Is everyone too cool for Banksy now? No. [Banksy]

This week, after years of dodging the subject, the Christian Science Monitor was finally forced to clarify its position in America's most controversial debate: Babies: It's OK to Literally Eat Them, Right? Or What? The official Christian Science Monitor position: Not in favor of literally eating babies. (For now.)

Known to fans as Mr. Incredibeard, San Francisco native Isaiah Webb promises fellow beard enthusiasts one new beard style every Monday — or "Monbeardday," as he obviously calls it.